In a mansion in Dallas, Texas there lived a legendary daredevil and Cool Club member, Stunt Duck. Stunt Duck was asleep in bed with many beautiful women when his alarm went off. Stunt Duck turned off his alarm and went down to the kitchen to make breakfast as all the beautiful women who were in bed with him were still asleep. Stunt Duck walked by many trophies and memorabilia that he has collected over the years. As Stunt Duck was making breakfast, he was also looking at his day planner.
Stunt Duck had three things scheduled for today which include a wrestling match with The Champ, a basketball game with Bob Jordan, and a farting contest with Fartio. “Another busy day for me again. Hey ladies, breakfast is ready,” yelled Stunt Duck. Then all the beautiful women came downstairs at Stunt Duck began serving them breakfast. Stunt Duck was about to eat his breakfast when suddenly he felt a sharp pain in his chest. Stunt Duck was having a heart attack and was immediately rushed to the hospital.
At the hospital, Stunt Duck was recovering from his heart attack while Dr. Slamin Salmon was looking over Stunt Duck’s chart. “This doesn’t look good,” said Dr. Slamin Salmon. “Doc, I have to get out of here. I have commitments that I need to fill today or else I won’t get paid,” said Stunt Duck. “Unfortunately, Mr. Duck, you must stop all these crazy stunts, or you’ll die,” said Dr. Slamin Salmon. “But Doc, I’m a daredevil. And being a daredevil is all that I’ve ever done. Are you telling me that I have to retire or else I will die?” asked Stunt Duck. “Indeed. Now I need you to stay in the hospital for a few more days and….,” said Dr. Slamin Salmon. Stunt Duck got up out of his hospital bed and fled. Dr. Slamin Salmon sighed and went to check on another patient.
And so, even though Stunt Duck was in horrible pain he tried to fulfill his commitments for the day.
So first, Stunt Duck headed over to the KWE/BWC Arena to wrestle The Champ in the main event. Stunt Duck entered the arena looking very sick which got the attention of the promoter Pete “Mr. Gold” Manly. “Wait a minute. You’re not wrestling The Champ tonight, Stunt Duck,” said Pete “Mr. Gold” Manly. “Why not?” asked Stunt Duck. “You look like you’re on death’s door. Plus, your doctor called me and told us about your recent heart attack. Get out,” said Pete “Mr. Gold” Manly. “But I need the money,” pleaded Stunt Duck. “Get out before I have to call the police,” said Pete “Mr. Gold” Manly. Stunt Duck left the arena a sad state and rushed over to a different arena for his basketball game with Bob Jordan. Stunt Duck arrived at the basketball stadium to see Bob Jordan and Dr. Slamin Salmon waiting outside the backstage area. “Oh crap, Doc ratted on me again! Now I just have one commitment left,” said Stunt Duck. Stunt Duck tried to fly away but couldn’t. So, he just hailed a taxi to get over to his next commitment for today.
At a carnival, Fartio was eating beans and farting preparing for his fart-off against Stunt Duck. Stunt Duck arrived and greeted Fartio. “Long time no see Fartio my man,” said Stunt Duck. “Good to see you to Stunt Duck. So how are your wife and kids doing?” asked Fartio. “I’ve been divorced for five years, and my kids barely talk to me,” said Stunt Duck. “Wow, I guess it really has been a long time since I last saw you. So, are you ready for the fart-off?” asked Fartio. “Yes. But where’s the crowd?” asked Stunt Duck. “Hmmm, well I need to sell at least 20 tickets to break even and it’s already past show time…,” said Fartio. “So how many tickets did you sell?” asked Stunt Duck. “None, I guess I have to cancel the event and go back to cooking funnel cakes. Sorry things didn’t work out, here’s your pay,” said Fartio. Fartio handed Stunt Duck $3 and Stunt Duck was pissed. “Oh come on!” cried Stunt Duck.
Stunt Duck left the carnival and returned to the hospital to see Dr. Slamin Salmon waiting for him. “So, it looks like you had a bad day,” said Dr. Slamin Salmon. “Well Doc, I decided to come back here like you recommended. I’m just going to check myself in…,” said Stunt Duck. But before Stunt Duck could enter the hospital, Dr. Slamin Salmon blocked him from entering. “Mr. Duck, before you enter, I need to tell you that we no longer take your insurance. You’ll have to pay in cash for treatment here,” said Dr. Slamin Salmon. “But I didn’t make any money today. And I don’t have enough funds to cover my medical costs,” cried Stunt Duck. “Sorry but get out of here before we have to call the police,” said Dr. Slamin Salmon.
Stunt Duck sighed and walked 15 miles back to his mansion.
But when Stunt Duck arrived back at his mansion, he saw a sign posted on the door saying it was foreclosed by the bank. Stunt Duck saw all his household possessions being repossessed and taken out of his home. And worst of it, all the beautiful women who lived with him were leaving carrying suitcases as they exited the mansion. Stunt Duck left his mansion and sat on a bus stop bench alone and broke. “How could this day get any worse,” said Stunt Duck. Then it began to rain and suddenly Stunt Duck started to light up. “Rain, it’s raining!” yelled Stunt Duck. Stunt Duck began to dance and play happily in the rain. And now this day didn’t end as badly for him. He was as happy as a duck in water. No pun intended.
THE END!
