COYOTE AND THE TYRANTS (Short Story Version)

At a hidden secret lair, within the lair lies a secret laboratory where Coyote was working on clones of history’s greatest monsters. Coyote started to release some of the clones and the to be released was former U.S. president Chester Alan Arthur. “Awaken Chester! Our time of evil begins!” cried Coyote. Chester Alan Arthur got out of his cloning tube and was naked and afraid. “Where am I? What year is it?” asks Chester Alan Arthur. “You’re in my secret laboratory, I cloned you, and it’s the year 2023. Now let’s wake up the real baddies,” said Coyote. “Wait, I’m not a baddie? Then why did you clone me?” asked Chester Alan Arthur. “We needed an Arron boy. Now order us a pizza and make it quick,” shouted Coyote. Coyote began releasing the other clones while Chester stood in confusion. “What’s a pizza?” asks Chester. After all the clones were freed, Coyote ate pizza with the evilest tyrants and dictators in history. Henry VIII, being the glutton he is, was chowing down on pizzas a mile a minute. Vladimir Lenin was playing Russian roulette with Ivan the Terrible and Attila the Hun. Adolf Hitler was grooming his signature mustache. Fidel Castro, Saddam Hussein, and Muammar Al-Gaddafi were smoking cigars together. Coyote bangs a gavel to get the attention of his cloned tyrants. “Attention history’s greatest monsters,” yelled Coyote. “And history’s greatest lover,” said Adolf Hitler. “Okay whatever. Now then, the reason I cloned you all is because I need your help in killing my rival Spotty. Any ideas?” asked Coyote. “Why don’t you just shoot him?” asked Vladimir Lenin. “Why don’t we just blow everything up?” asked Saddam Hussein. “Can I get some more ham?” asked Henry VIII. “Those ideas work, any other suggestions? Gaddafi, Nero, Napoleon, Shaka, Mao Tse-Tung? Don’t be shy Ayatollah Khomeini,” said Coyote. The room is silent and Coyote sighs then bangs his gavel. “Alright, we’re going Lenin’s idea. Let’s just shoot Spotty. Follow me everyone and we’ll board the bus,” said Coyote. Coyote and the tyrants board a bus and headed over to Spotty’s house. Meanwhile at Spotty’s house, Spotty, Beardy and Spotty Jr. were playing a video game together when Spotty hears a knock on the door and gets up from off the couch. “I think the pizza’s here. Beardy, you’ll pay me back for the pizza, right?” asked Spotty. “Okay whatever, dude I’m kicking ass in this game,” said Beardy. Spotty opens the door to see Coyote and his cloned tyrants standing outside. “You’re not the pizzaman,” said Spotty. “Get him,” said Coyote. Lenin pulls out a gun and aims it at Spotty. Suddenly Hitler jumps in front of Spotty and takes the bullet for him. Hitler lies dying and Spotty stares at Hitler in confusion. “Why did you take a bullet for me? And aren’t you, Hitler?” asked Spotty. “I love you…are you Jewish? Because that might ruin things,” asked Adolf Hitler. “No. But Coyote’s Jewish,” said Spotty. “Wait what? I was working for a Jew. God damn….,” screamed Adolf Hitler. 

Then Hitler died and Lenin tries to shoot Spotty again but accidentally shoots Coyote in the arm instead. “Ouch! What the Hell, Lenin?” screamed Coyote. “Sorry, I have a bad aim. Which dog am I supposed to shoot again? Can I just shoot both dogs?” asked Vladimir Lenin. “I’m calling the police,” said Spotty. Spotty rushes back inside and calls the police. Coyote cries for his cloned tyrant army to kill Spotty, but just then, all the cloned tyrants start to melt into goo. Except for Chester Alan Arthur who starts to laugh evilly. Coyote looks on in confusion and his confusion turns to anger. “What happened here? All my cloned tyrants just turned into goo. But why haven’t you Chester Alan Arthur turned into goo?” asked Coyote. “Because I didn’t eat any of the pizza. It was filled with poison. And I have the antidote right here,” said Chester Alan Arthur. “Wait, I ate that pizza. I’m going to turn into…oh, please Chester, give me the antidote right now,” pleaded Coyote. “Sorry, but I’m just an Arron boy remember. I’m not evil enough for you,” said Chester Alan Arthur. Chester begins to laugh evilly as Coyote slowly melts away. “Noooooo. Please I need that….,” cried Coyote. Coyote melted into goo and died. Chester began to celebrate his victory only to be shot in the head by Coyote. Coyote looks around at the scene and sighs. “Okay, what have you clones been up to now?” shouts Coyote. Spotty comes out and sees Coyote standing in his front yard. “Hey Coyote. What’s with all the dead evil people?” asks Spotty. “Well, my idiot clone used my cloning machines to clone tyrants and was going to use them to kill you,” said Coyote. “Wait. You mean that was your clone that was here earlier and not you?” said Spotty. “Yes, I noticed my party bus was missing and assumed they would come here and…,” said Coyote. 

Two police officers arrive onto the scene and handcuff Coyote. “You’re under arrest Coyote for trying to kill Spotty for the sixth time this month,” said one of the police officers. “No, it wasn’t me this time. It was my clone. Spotty tell them it was my clone,” cried Coyote. “Yep, Coyote tried to kill me again officers. Get him off my property,” said Spotty. The two police officers put Coyote in their police car and drive away with Coyote screaming as the police car drives off. The pizza delivery man arrives and give Spotty his pizza. “That’ll be…,” said the pizza delivery man. “Actually you’re 30 minutes late, so the pizza is free,” said Spotty. “You win this time Spotty, but I will have my revenge someday,” said the pizza delivery man. The pizza delivery man runs away cackling evilly. Spotty heads back inside as he, Beardy and Spotty Jr. eat their pizza. “So, what was that all about, Dad?” asked Spotty Jr. “I don’t know. But I did gain a new enemy though,” said Spotty. “What else is new,” said Beardy. The pizza delivery man is at the pizzeria where he works and he’s sitting at a table alongside Terry the Tapir and Ghost. “Alright, we are all enemies of Spotty and…,” said the pizza delivery man. “Where are the free breadsticks you promised us?” asked Terry the Tapir. “And the free sodas. Wait, he’s cheating us, Terry. Get him!” yelled Ghost. Terry the Tapir and Ghost then start to beat up the pizza delivery man. Terry the Tapir slams the pizza delivery man through the table they were sitting at. After being slammed through a table, the pizza delivery man lies unconscious on the floor. “Well, that’s that. Do you want to steal some pizzas and breadsticks?” asked Terry the Tapir. “Sure, only if we can steal a few sodas,” said Ghost. “That’s fine with me,” said Terry the Tapir. Terry the Tapir and Ghost start stealing items inside the pizzeria. Evil comes in many shapes and sizes. And evil can be created. 

THE END!