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Wacky Comic Book Panels Out of Context Part 5

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Tall Tales After The Apocalypse Prologue Preview

Journal Entry: Date 2/17/2301 

I always wanted to be a writer. But life had other plans and I had to get a real job instead. My brain is always on, so I write everything that’s in my head here in my journal. In a way I became a writer by journaling. To whomever finds this journal. It probably means I passed away. Or you stole it from me. Or I lost it. Since I have your attention, let me explain who I am and how we got here. My name is Dr. Ted Ulysses. With a last name like Ulysses, you would have expected me to have left an impact on the world or that I was a politician. Yet, I did leave an impact on the world. One that I regret. I was a nuclear physicist, and I created the nuclear bomb that had destroyed the world. Some people considered me the true successor of J. Robert Oppenheimer. I won’t lie, Mr. Oppenheimer and I do have a lot in common. That’s not to say that humanity isn’t extinct. Let me explain what the status of the world is after my bomb blew everything up. I live in the year 2301. Planet Earth is a wasteland ruled by two groups. The first group, The Hardcore are an armed militia created after the fallout from my bomb. The Hardcore are led by their mysterious leader that those who saw him never lived to tell the tale. The other group is, of course, the mutants. Literal mutants who were deformed and mutated by the radiation. There are a few small towns filled with survivors who live off what’s left. I, like many, am a wanderer. I go from place to place, stopping only to gather supplies to get me through the day. The future I live in has no law, no morals, and no honor. I find it hard to trust people now. Hell, I found it hard to trust people even before I blew up the world. 

You might be asking, what led humanity down this path anyway? It was a huge world war over the Earth’s remaining water supply of course. Water is limited because humanity foolishly wasted water over the centuries. Water is gold here and whoever has the water has the power. The Hardcore currently have control over all the Great Lakes and most of the rivers in this wasteland have dried up. I have not had a pure, clean glass of water in years. I worked for the United States government as a military scientist. Or to be honest, I worked for the Northeast/Midwest United States government because we had at least four civil wars before the lead up into to World War 7. I oddly enough was one of the few humans to have a job. Machines had replaced humans in general. Then after my bomb blew destroyed humanity, the machines were now in damaged and unfunctional. Since we have no electricity now, I doubt that we will ever have machines to help humanity ever again. I lost everything that I had, which wasn’t much to begin with. I didn’t have a family, I wasn’t very rich, and I had few friends. My girlfriend died in the fallout. Her name was Hina Hazuki. She was the most beautiful kindhearted woman that I have ever known. Sadly, I met my girlfriend only once in person, our relationship was mostly online. I am happy she wasn’t a catfish though and was very real. We had to meet in secret as she lived in Japan and due to our countries being at war. I would have lost my job and probably my life and my girlfriend’s life as well. The only reason I survived the explosion was because I was in a military bunker at my base. 

Now my bomb alone didn’t destroy the Earth. It’s obvious that multiple bombs fired off at the same time, but we were the ones who started the fire. Enough about the past, I need to focus on the future. I drive a solar-powered van wandering the wastelands. And remember how I mentioned earlier it’s hard to trust people, my pitstops don’t last long and I’m alone most of the time. Where am I now? I just crossed the New Hampshire state border, and I have now arrived in the ruins of Boston. Boston is no longer a city. Boston now is more like a pitstop town. As I gathered supplies, it was in the ruins of Boston I would meet a man who I thought was only a legend. And that man was a former Texas Ranger, and now he’s a bounty hunter known only by the name of Tall Tale Jake. Why do people call him Tall Tale Jake? I and many others throughout the wasteland consider him the best storyteller ever. Rumor has it he has a backpack filled with wonders that make him so strong and wise. I believe that backpack is full of wonders because how can a man who’s 85 years old still have great knowledge and the strength of a 20-year-old man. I hear him laughing inside a small tavern. Then I entered it to meet the legendary Tall Tale Jake. Little did I know, this is where my life and world would change forever.

Hero Hunters 2024 Part 2: The Rise of Xane the Exterminator

In the ruins of Action City, Max Storm, Lester BarnSwallow, and Night Watch are tracking down the superhero and former team leader of The Gifted, Dr. Strong. How did Action City end up in ruins? Back in 2014, Action City had a huge superhuman population and to prevent it from expanding, X-Eye dropped a nuclear bomb on Action City. That event not only killed a majority of the targeted superhumans, but thousands of innocent human civilians died as well. After that event, Action City still is left in ruins and is a wasteland. As Max Storm, Lester BarnSwallow, and Night Watch explore the ruins of Action City together looking for Dr. Strong, Lester BarnSwallow starts to cry. Max Storm goes to comfort Lester. “What’s wrong Lester?” asks Max Storm. “My sister and wife died here. They died in the explosion. I vowed I never come back here. Why did General J. personally select me for mission?” cried Lester BarnSwallow. “To be honest, you were selected because you know Action City very well. For God’s sake you were the former police chief of Action City,” said Max Storm. “I never want you to mention my past ever again. I failed Action City. I’ll never deal drugs again Lord,” yells Lester BarnSwallow. “You’re weak and a drunk. Since Lester is at map, where are we chiefy?” asks Night Watch. Lester runs up and starts to choke Night Watch. “You just keep your mouth shut you damn goth cyborg,” yelled Lester BarnSwallow. Lester slams Night Watch to the ground and they start fighting each other. Eventually Max Storm broke up the fight. “Stop it you two! We all lost things when we became Hero Hunters,” said Max Storm. “Like how your wife left you,” said Night Watch. Max Storm sighs and sheds a tear. Max Storm performs the sign of the cross pray which helps to calm him down. “Let’s go and…wait. I sense something nearby,” said Max Storm. Max Storm places his hand on the ground and the ground starts to vibrate. Night Watch whistles and Oliver Owl flies in. Oliver Owl sits on Night Watch’s shoulder as he slowly lurks away into the shadows. Lester and Max pull out their guns. 

Out of nowhere, The GreenSpeed zooms in at superspeed at Lester and Max. “It’s The GreenSpeed. We’ve been looking for him for years. I’m going to call for back up,” said Lester. Lester lowers puts his gun away and pulls out a walkie-talkie. As Lester calls for backup, Max spots The GreenSpeed on top of the roof of a damaged museum. Max aims his gun and shoots The GreenSpeed in the leg. The GreenSpeed tries to get up only for Night Watch to swoop in and place a net over him. “Got one. Now where’s your friend,” said Night Watch. “I have more than one friend here,” said The GreenSpeed. Ivan the Crusher drives a van and rams it into Lester. “Lester!” cries Max Storm. Ivan the Crusher, Black Magic, and Retro Strongman emerge from the van and Ivan the Crusher pulls out a sledgehammer. Just then, military soldiers arrive onto the scene by helicopter and jump out of the helicopter to attack Ivan the Crusher, Black Magic, and Retro Strongman. Max rushes to Lester’s aide and pulls him out from under the van. Lester is seriously injured and coughing blood. Max holds his hand until a military medic arrives. As the military medic brings Lester to a nearby helicopter, Max hears loud roaring and spots a huge figure beating up Dr. Strong. Max pulls out his gun and shoots at the huge figure. “You two superhumans are under arrest,” yelled Max Storm. The huge figure comes out of the shadows to reveal himself to be Xane the Exterminator. Xane the Exterminator throws a wounded Dr. Strong at the feet of a group of military soldiers. 

The military soldiers apprehend Dr. Strong while Max stares at Xane. “Who are you?” asks Max Storm. “I can answer that,” shouts General J. General J., wearing his suit of advanced battle armor, flies down and lands next to Max and Xane. “Good work Max and Xane. We’ve captured five fugitives today in a single mission. Well done,” said General J. “His name is Xane. Why is a superhuman helping us?” asks Max Storm. “Oh Max, Xane is an exterminator, the perfect soldier, the perfect…Hero Hunter,” said General J. “Xane the Exterminator is a member of my team?” asks Max Storm. “Your team? You work for the U.S. Empire military Mr. Storm. Our emperor is the leader. And he, I, and Dr. Hurt created Xane to be the ultimate weapon. Now let’s get out of here before the citizens of Action City steal our supplies. Everyone, move out,” yells General J. The Hero Hunters completed their latest mission. Now they must return to base alongside an injured Lester BarnSwallow, who is now being considered for experimentation as a possible candidate to become the next Exterminator. But Xane has other plans.

TO BE CONTINUED!

Hero Hunters 2024 Part 1: The Reign of X-Eye

In an alternate timeline, in an alternate universe, the United States of America became an empire in the year 2011. After the sinister supervillain and billionaire Henry Q., a.k.a. X-Eye, bought out the United States government after the county had acquired a large amount of debt in the previous years. Now X-Eye is the emperor of the U.S. Empire. X-Eye now has a cult of personality and rules the U.S. Empire with an iron fist. The U.S. Empire is currently struggling as they try to conquer the rest of the world to expand into the empire. With U.S. Empire failing in their quest to defeat other countries in a current world war, along with the subjects of the U.S. Empire becoming very unhappy and near rebellious. Mostly because Henry Q. (X-Eye), before becoming emperor, owned the largest weapons and electronics corporation in the country. When X-Eye became emperor though he didn’t allow competition in his empire and outlawed imports which made his company a monopoly in that space and with X-Eye acquiring every corporation in the U.S. Empire now every business in the country is owned by the empire. Now, nearly half of the subjects in X-Eye’s empire either work for him or the other half are unemployed. X-Eye needed a scapegoat and needed one quick to prevent a rebellion. X-Eye figured out who to blame for his empire’s troubles, he blamed superhumans. Using propaganda, X-Eye overnight made people fear and angry at superhumans. Now, with X-Eye’s subjects wanting his safety and protection, X-Eye created a new military task force just to depose of superhumans. 

This new military task force is called The Hero Hunters and is led by X-Eye’s second-in-command, General J. General J. was a general in the United States army before it became an empire and has decades of military experience. And thanks to X-Eye, General J. has new battle armor that gives him superhuman strength, the power of flight, and a laser sword. Members of The Hero Hunters include Max Storm is a former monster hunter and is trained in martial arts. The Skull Slasher is a notorious serial killer whose head got burnt in a terrible accident which caused all the skin on his head to melt with only his skull remaining intact. The Skull Slasher has close ties to Max Storm, but he’s a wild card. Lester BarnSwallow is the former police chief of Action City and a former heavyweight boxer. Lester had to resign from the police force after a scandal, but luckily, he had connections in the U.S. Empire, and since he has experience in dealing with superhumans, he was more than qualified to join The Hero Hunters. Mike and Rick Red are two buff twin brothers who used to host a monster hunting reality show and were rivals of Max Storm. Exclamation Point is a skilled ninja and assassin who is obsessed with exclamation points. Exclamation Point’s weapons are shaped like exclamation points, and he wears a black mask with a huge white exclamation point on it. Lastly, the final member is Night Watch. Night Watch is a former spy turned supervillain cyborg who survived a horrible explosion after he was experimented on, Night Watch must wear a special helmet that helps him breathe and is forever trapped in a suit of black armor. Night Watch’s only companion is his pet owl, Oliver. Night Watch is a supervillain, but desperate times call for desperate measures, so he had to join The Hero Hunters, or else he would have been sent to the superhuman death camps. Flash forward to the year 2024, nearly half of the superhuman population have been slaughtered by either the Hero Hunters or the U.S. Empire military. With the rest being held in death camps or are in hiding. Unbeknownst to the other Hero Hunter members, X-Eye, General J., and supervillain/mad scientist Dr. Hurt are working on a top-secret project to create the perfect Hero Hunter member. And this perfect Hero Hunter member’s name is….Xane the Exterminator! Now that you know the origin of The Hero Hunters, it’s time to see them in action! 

TO BE CONTINUED!

The Origin of Tornado Ted

In the state of Texas, there lived a petty conman named Ted Ringer. Ted wasn’t that great of a con artist and had several stints in prison. He wants to be a legendary outlaw and he currently feels like he’s one in his own mind. One day, Ted would con the wrong man and that man was Henry Q. a.k.a. the supervillain X-Eye. Ted stole thousands of dollars from X-Eye and instead of turning Ted over to the police, X-Eye made a deal with him. X-Eye offered to experiment on Ted, and all will be forgiven. Ted wanting to avoid prison reluctantly accepts X-Eye’s deal and for the four months Ted was experiment on. X-Eye was working on superhuman soldiers and wanted Ted to be one of them. Eventually, Ted would gain new superpowers. Ted now can control the wind and create tornados. Thus, Ted Ringer became Tornado Ted, the whirlwind outlaw. Ted embracing his Texan roots, dressed as cowboy, and always carried two pistols with him. 

Tornado Ted would now work for X-Eye and X-Eye was proud of his latest creation. “Perfect, now I want you to meet your new teammates,” said X-Eye. X-Eye clapped his hands and three superhumans entered the laboratory. First was Dirtclog, a mutant whose whole body is made of mud. Dirtclog can change shape and can multiple himself to create duplicates of himself or mini versions of himself. Dirtclog smells awful and loves being muddy and gooey. Second was Exclamation Point, a superpowered assassin who is obsessed with exclamation points. His gun is shaped like an exclamation point and so are his bullets, knifes, and grappling hooks. Exclamation Point wears a black mask with a huge white exclamation point on it. Third and last was Gator Guard the First, a half-human and half-alligator creature who was X-Eye’s first Gator Guard soldier. Gator Guards serve as X-Eye’s henchmen but Gator Guard the First is the original. Gator Guard the First is the leader of the Gator Guards and will do anything to protect his people. He will do anything X-Eye asks of him because he is that loyal. “Here’s your mission. Go to the Eagle Woods and find an experiment of mine codenamed Spy Lion. Dead or alive, bring him to me. Now my robots Buzz and Kirk will fly you to your destination. Good luck and be prepared for a fight,” said X-Eye. Buzz and Kirk flew a jet to Eagle Woods carrying the four superhumans as Tornado Ted grew nervous. “Hey fellas. I don’t know if I can go through with this. I haven’t truly homed in my powers yet,” said Tornado Ted nervously. “Don’t worry, Ted. You’ll learn on the job,” said Dirtclog. “I’m just curious why this guy is called Spy Lion anyway. And what makes him so special to Mr. Q?” asks Tornado Ted. “Spy Lion is secret agent Chris Walker that X-Eye captured and turned into a human-mountain lion hybrid. I don’t quite know why he’s so fascinated with Spy Lion, but an order is and order,” said Exclamation Point. “We’re about to land everyone,” said Buzz. “Lunch will be ready when you get back,” said Kirk. Buzz and Kirk landed the jet in Eagle Woods and off Tornado Ted went to meet his future rival, Spy Lion. Elsewhere in Eagle Woods, Spy Lion, Deerman, Ms. Condor, and General Brown were setting up camp. “I don’t know which I hate worst. Being a fugitive or being a freak,” said Ms. Condor. “Hopefully, we can prove our innocence and stop the true mastermind X-Eye,” said General Brown. “Don’t be so hopeful. X-Eye is a billionaire and can keep things swept under the rug if you know what I mean,” said Deerman. Spy Lion stopped setting up a tent and the sound of a tornado blast throughout the forest. “Oh God. Tornado is coming everyone. We need to find a safe place to hide,” yelled Spy Lion. But suddenly, Tornado Ted appeared riding the tornado as Spy Lion and his friends look confused. “Who are you? And how are you doing that?” asked Spy Lion. “My name is Tornado Ted. I am a famous outlaw with the power to control the wind and create tornados. Now which do you think you can outrun faster, bullets or a tornado? Now boys, let’s have some fun,” yelled Tornado Ted. Tornado Ted started shooting Spy Lion while hovering inside his tornado. 

Suddenly, Dirtclog, Exclamation Point, and Gator Guard the First emerged out of the woods and attacked Deerman, Ms. Condor, and General Brown. As Spy Lion fought Tornado Ted, Deerman fought Dirtclog, Ms. Condor fought Gator Guard the First, and General Brown fought Exclamation Point. Back at X-Eye’s laboratory, X-Eye was getting his backup plan ready. Buzz and Kirk returned as X-Eye was getting his bomb ready to blow up Eagle Woods. “Master, I still don’t get why you are going to kill your henchmen alongside Spy Lion and his friends. What if this plan backfires?” asks Buzz. “And what are we going to do with this lunch that I worked all day on for them?” asks Kirk. “Quiet you two. I’m about to launch the bomb. Everyone is a threat to me. Even my creations,” said X-Eye. The bomb is launched via drone as Spy Lion and his friends continue to their fight against X-Eye’s henchmen. Tornado Ted is about to shoot the finishing blow when he spots the bomb coming down. Suddenly Tornado Ted had to make the decision not to obey his boss, but to save the day. Tornado Ted flies closer to the bomb and uses all his power to blow the bomb up into the sky. Spy Lion and his friends along with Dirtclog, Exclamation Point, and Gator Guard the First look on as Tornado Ted uses his whirlwinds to hurl the bomb into space. The bomb exploded in the sky and Tornado Ted appears to have been slain in the explosion. Once the bomb is destroyed Dirtclog, Exclamation Point, and Gator Guard the First flee because their most powerful team member is dead. 

Spy Lion and his friends resume setting up camp as the sun sets. Dirtclog, Exclamation Point, and Gator Guard the First returned to X-Eye’s lair to face a furious X-Eye. Of course, they had no idea X-Eye tried to kill them, but X-Eye began to think he can convince them to stay on his side. As Dirtclog, Exclamation Point, and Gator Guard the First ate dinner made by X-Eye’s robot henchmen Kirk. Elsewhere, high in the mountains, a lone outlaw played a harmonica in peace as he thinks about his next steps. And that lone outlaw is of course, Tornado Ted.  

THE END!

The Origin of Mr. Tallenstine and Midgetstine

A traveling circus came to Action City one day. The circus’s biggest act was Mr. Tallenstine and Midgetstine. Mr. Tallenstine is a 500lbs. man who can suck in his huge gut to become a very tall man. Midgetstine is a little person who can curl himself up into a human cannonball. Midgetstine can run a super speed too. Mr. Tallenstine and Midgetstine are a comedy act in their circus. Mr. Tallenstine is also the circus strongman as well. Our story truly begins when Dr. Strong, Ms. Giant, Dr. Laser, and Retro Strongman went to attend a circus performance. Dr. Strong had heard about Mr. Tallenstine and Midgetstine through an ad on the radio. Dr. Strong discovered that Mr. Tallenstine and Midgetstine had superhuman abilities by watching internet videos of their performances. His true goal of attending this circus performance is to recruit Mr. Tallenstine and Midgetstine into become members of The Gifted and to further study their powers. Unbeknownst to The Gifted, the super villains Dr. Sumo and his daughter Japan Jenny were going to rob a bank on the same day as the circus performance. As Dr. Strong and the other Gifted members watch Mr. Tallenstine and Midgetstine’s act, Dr. Strong receives a call from the Action City police chief, Lester BarnSwallow. “Hello? Hi there Chief BarnSwallow. There’s a bank robbery in progress. We’ll be right over,” said Dr. Strong while on his cellphone. Dr. Strong hangs up his cellphone he taps Dr. Laser’s shoulder. “What’s going on, Dr. Strong?” asks Dr. Laser. “There’s a bank robbery. I want you and Ms. Giant to head over there. While Retro Strongman and I stay here. Now get going,” said Dr. Strong. Dr. Laser and Ms. Giant leave the circus as the performance draws to a close. Mr. Tallenstine and Midgetstine head backstage with Dr. Strong and Retro Strongman following behind them. Mr. Tallenstine sits and reads a newspaper while Midgetstine runs laps around the circus at superspeed. Dr. Strong and Retro Strongman witness Midgetstines superspeed powers and are quite amazed. “Wow, I knew these two were superhuman. I’ll talk and you’ll be my muscle,” said Dr. Strong. “Okay, but it looks like I can easily take down that bucket of blubber anytime,” said Retro Strongman. Dr. Strong taps Mr. Tallenstine on the shoulder. “We don’t do autographs. Where the heck is security right now?” asks Mr. Tallenstine. Midgetstine stops running and he recognizes Dr. Strong. “Hey boss, do you know who that guy is?” shouts Midgetstine. “I don’t care,” says Mr. Tallenstine. “That’s Dr. Strong. He’s the leader of the superhero team The Gifted. What are you doing at our little crappy circus?” asks Midgetstine. “Actually, I came to see if you would be interested in joining The Gifted. We’re always looking for new members and our team can help you both hone your superpowers. So would you both like to join us in fighting crime?” asks Dr. Strong. “No,” says Mr. Tallenstine. Dr. Strong sighs and hands Mr. Tallenstine his business card. “Well, if you both change your minds, this is where you’ll be able to contact me. Have a good day gentleman,” said Dr. Strong. Dr. Strong and Retro Strongman exit. Mr. Tallenstine is about to rip up Dr. Strong’s business card only for Midgetstine to steal it. Mr. Tallenstine grunts and slowly walks over to Midgetstine. “Hand it over little buddy,” yelled Mr. Tallenstine. “Please boss. Will you at least consider the offer?” asks Midgetstine. “Fine. I’ll think it over. But we have a pretty good thing here at the circus and being a crime fighter doesn’t pay nothing,” said Mr. Tallenstine. “At least it’s not a no,” said Midgetstine. 

Elsewhere, Dr. Laser and Ms. Giant were battling Dr. Sumo and Japan Jenny outside of the bank. Dr. Sumo eventually captures Dr. Laser and Ms. Giant and takes them back to his evil lair. Dr. Strong and Retro Strongman arrived to late to save Dr. Laser and Ms. Giant. But luckily Dr. Strong was able to put a tracking device on Dr. Sumo’s helicopter. “We’ll find them. Let’s go rescue our teammates,” yells Dr. Strong. As Dr. Strong and Retro Strongman follow Dr. Sumo’s helicopter, little do they know that Mr. Tallenstine and Midgetstine are following them. “I wonder where they are headed?” asked Midgetstine. “I don’t know, but it looks like they’re headed to a dangerous place,” said Mr. Tallenstine. At Dr. Sumo’s evil lair, Dr. Laser and Ms. Giant are tied up and being tortured by Dr. Sumo’s henchmen. Japan Jenny is eating forty hamburgers while watching Dr. Laser and Ms. Giant being tortured while Dr. Sumo is preparing a syringe to inject into both Dr. Laser and Ms. Giant. “Why are you doing this and who are you two?” asks Ms. Giant. “My name is Dr. Sumo. I used to be a sumo wrestler before a scandal made me lose everything. I still have my strong sumo body, but I knew I needed to improve my mind as well. Now I am a mad scientist. But I’m not acting alone,” said Dr. Sumo. “And I’m Dr. Sumo’s daughter, Japan Jenny. I’m a plus size model and a social media influencer along with being a parttime supervillain,” said Japan Jenny. “What are you going to do to us? And what do you mean that you’re not acting alone?” asks Dr. Laser. “I won’t reveal my master plan yet nor who my superior is, but let’s just say that you both won’t be very Gifted once I inject each with this syringe,” said Dr. Sumo. Then suddenly, Dr. Strong, Retro Strongman, Mr. Tallenstine, and Midgetstine entered and attacked Dr. Sumo’s henchmen. “No, my men and I can’t take out all of you. We must retreat,” cried Dr. Sumo. Dr. Sumo fled the scene, but his henchmen and his daughter Japan Jenny weren’t so lucky. Dr. Laser and Ms. Giant were rescued. The Gifted called the police. The police arrested Japan Jenny and Dr. Sumo’s henchmen. Dr. Sumo got away, but at least The Gifted gained two new members. And those two new members were Mr. Tallenstine and Midgetstine. Now Mr. Tallenstine and Midgetstine live in The Gifted’s headquarters. Mr. Tallenstine later revealed to Dr. Strong that he and Midgetstine were experimented on by Dr. Sumo which is how both he and Midgetstine gained their superhuman abilities. As for Dr. Sumo, he fled to the lair of his superior and was severely punished by him. Who was Dr. Sumo’s superior? Why it was media mogul Buddy Moneybags of course. And Buddy Moneybags owned the radio station and websites where Dr. Strong discovered Mr. Tallenstine and Midgetstine. Does this mean that Buddy Moneybags had Mr. Tallenstine and Midgetsine to join The Gifted this whole time? And are Mr. Tallenstine and Midgetstine double agents? Who truly knows, but Dr. Sumo vengeance will be felt because he has discovered the antidote of Chemical G1. Which may mean The Gifted might not be Gifted for much longer. 

THE END?