(At
comic con, Ned, Wally “The Animal” Winner, and Kitty Cute are sitting next to
each other in folding chairs at a long table waiting to sign autographs for
fans)
NED
Wow, I’m so excited. My
first comic con. You two have no idea how cool it is to be here!
WALLY “THE ANIMAL” WINNER
Kid, what the heck do you
do?
NED
Well, my name is Ned and I
make comedy videos on Youtube. I’m pretty popular on the Internet.
WALLY “THE ANIMAL” WINNER
Do you know who I am, Ned?
NED
Yeah, you’re legendary pro
wrestler Wally “The Animal” Winner. I used to watch your matches on TV all the
time. Can I see your championship belt?
WALLY “THE ANIMAL” WINNER
No, I lost it. Not in a
wrestling match, but in a poker game.
NED
Oh, that sucks. Hey, could
I see Doggie?
(Wally
“The Animal” Winner sighs and pulls out a stuffed animal dog)
NED
Holy shit, it’s Doggie! Hey,
remember that time when you bit The Lumberjack after he kidnapped Doggie and
then you put him in a sleeper hold?
WALLY “THE ANIMAL” WINNER
Yeah, what about it?
NED
Nothing, it was just
awesome!
KITTY CUTE
(MANIC)
Hello, where are the
people? Fans? Anyone want my autograph? I’m a famous former child star. The
real deal right here!
NED
(EXCITEDLY)
Holy crap, now I remember
you. You’re Kitty Cute from that cheesy 80’s sitcom “Mr. Pete’s Class”. I
thought you were dead.
KITTY CUTE
(MANIC)
Yes. I’m Kitty Cute, the
real Kitty Cute. No, I’m not dead. I just overdosed on Xanax twice, don’t believe those death rumors,
because I’m still rocking.
NED
Well, you haven’t aged a day, Ms.
Cute.
WALLY “THE ANIMAL” WINNER
(COUGHING)
Bullshit.
KITTY CUTE
(MANIC YELLING)
A fan, a fan, dear God it’s a fan!
(A fan
girl walks over towards Ned)
FAN GIRL
(EXCITEDLY)
Oh my god! You’re Ned! I watch your
videos all the time. Can I get your autograph?
NED
Sure little lady. It’s always nice to
meet fans.
(Ned
signs a magazine she’s holding and after he signs it the fan girl walks away
very happily)
NED
Wow, meeting a fan. That was awesome!
WALLY “THE ANIMAL” WINNER
(ANGRY)
You idiot! You let her get away!
NED
What are you talking about? She got my
autograph.
WALLY “THE ANIMAL” WINNER
(ANGRY)
But she didn’t pay the $25 per
autograph, dumbass!
NED
Oh, I guess I forgot! But I did make
her day, isn’t that all that really matters in the end?
WALLY “THE ANIMAL” WINNER
(ANGRY)
No stupid! Money means everything!
KITTY CUTE
(ANGRY)
Giving autographs away for free is
totally not Tolly-Tatsic!
NED
(EXCITEDLY)
Holy crap! You said Tolly-Tatsic! Just
like in your show! Say it again Ms. Cute!
KITTY CUTE
(ANGRY)
No!
NED
Okay. Hey, I wanted to ask you two
something. Can I interview you both for my podcast? I’m always looking for
guests!
WALLY “THE ANIMAL” WINNER
How much does it pay?
NED
All the pizza you can eat!
KITTY CUTE
(EXCITEDLY)
Does that include breadsticks?
NED
Yes.
KITTY CUTE
(EXCITEDLY)
I’m in!
WALLY “THE ANIMAL” WINNER
(SIGHING)
I’m in too!
NED
Great, we’ll film it next Tuesday and
I’ll email you guys my address. Hey, I have to go to the bathroom. Can you guys
watch my stuff while I’m gone?
WALLY “THE ANIMAL” WINNER
Sure!
(Ned
gets up and walks away while Wally “The Animal” Winner grabs Ned’s backpack)
WALLY “THE ANIMAL” WINNER
Hey Kitty, do you want to see how much
money we can get for whatever’s in Ned’s backpack?
KITTY CUTE
Only if we can split the profits
50/50!
WALLY “THE ANIMAL” WINNER
Of course, then let’s go pop some
Xanax!
KITTY CUTE
Tolly-Tatsic!
(Blackout.)
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