Beethoven Misconduct Episode Script (Second City Class Project)!

NEWSROOM-DAY

BRAD TOPOGRAHPY, a male 30 something news anchor, and CRYSTAL
KAY, a female 20 something news anchor, are sitting in a
conference room discussing the day’s potential news. A
reporters is with them.

         (Crystal walks in to join an ongoing conversation
          between her co-anchor BRAD TOPOGRAPHY and a
          reporter)

                       BRAD
          This is great! He did this to Kim

          Kardashian! I promise you this
          will blow-up on Twitter!

                      CRYSTAL
          Really? Sounds like we finally

          got some real news here.

                    REPORTER
          (ignoring Crystal)

          Maybe we can goad Kayne into
          losing his shit.  We could have
          sounds clips for a week!

                       CRYSTAL
          Okaay? So what exactly happened to

Kim?

                         REPORTER 

          Not exactly to Kim K, but it’s
          close enough. We can definitely
          snag a lead headline out of this
          one.

          (turns to Brad showing him two
          pictures of St. Bernards, one
          looking cute, the other looks
          dirty and sad)

          I know which one is myyy favorite.
                         

                          BRAD

          (Brad nodding in approval, and
          giving a bad Yoda impression)

         Done well you have young Padawan.
                  

                     CRYSTAL

Wait, what exactly is going on
here? Did we finally catch
Beethoven in the act...

                 BRAD
       (cutting Crystal off)

And this time he’s involved a
celebrity everyone just happens to
love seeing in the news.

(fist pounds reporter)
           

                 REPORTER 

And he’s a dog, EVERYONE has an
opinion about dogs.

Plus, if we’re the ones to expose
him, we come out looking like the
good guys.

                    CRYSTAL

What is Kim Kardashian doing with
Beethoven?

                      BRAD
It was her assistant...

                            REPORTER
Former assistant I think.

                            CRYSTAL

Do we even have the facts
straight? I think we need to let
this story gel a bit befo...(cut
off)

                            BRAD

...Then we can get another story out
of it when we issue the
correction.

                      CRYSTAL

(eye roll) And soo many people
will read the apology. Can we at
least present the story from all
of the victim’s perspectives? I

think the same thing happened to
one of our interns.

                               REPORTER
Yeah, except we want people to actually watch the show. And people care about celebrities not interns. Don’t worry, we’ll throw some

lipstick on this pig.

                       CRYSTAL

Ugh, I don’t have a choice in this
do I?

                     BRAD

We’ve been so focused on “if it
bleeds it leads” that we never
realized, “If it’s poop it’s a
scoop!”

                 REPORTER

Nice Bee-rad...I think we’ve got
some paparazzi shots of Beethoven
doing his business in his ex’s
yard, I’ll dig those up.

                CRYSTAL

(Looking annoyed/disgusted while
mouthing “Bee-rad” to herself)

                BRAD

And I’m sure we can find some
douches willing to defend him on
camera. Maybe we can get into a
wild on-the-air argument.

This could go viral, god the
network execs are going to love
this!

(Brad turns on the friendly
condescension)

Come on, Crystal. Don’t let your
“feelings” get in the way of this.

                       REPORTER

We’ll get the segment together!

(Crystal sighs in disgust)

In the Blind Eye News newsroom, BRAD & CRYSTAL sit at the news
anchor desk waiting for the evening news to start.

                    CRYSTAL
          How did the Beethoven story end

          up? Do we find out if it’s her
          current or former assistant?

                          BRAD

          (excited about what this could do
          for his career)

          It’s the lead! We got one of
          those bullshit apologies
          from his lawyer.

                    CRYSTAL
          (mumbles under her breath)

          If I didn’t have kids to put
          through college...

                         BRAD
          (oblivious to what Crystal is

          saying)
          We’re golden.

           (Tries to give Crystal a high-
          five, but she ignores him)

(news theme music starts, camera zooms in on CRYSTAL who
quickly replaces her look of disgust with a more professional
one)

                       CRYSTAL KAY

          Hello, I’m Crystal Kay and we’ve got shocking
          news tonight out of Hollywood.   A scandal
          has been uncovered and you won’t believe
          who’s involved. Brad Topography has more.

                       BRAD TOPOGRAPHY

          Thank you, Crystal, a bombshell hit the set
          of Beethoven 19 today, when accusations of
          foul play came out against the film’s star

CUT TO.

        FILM CREW MEMBER
     (interview segment)

He would just come into the other actor’s
trailers without asking and sniff around, do
that thing where he rubs his butt on the
floor.  I know it happened to Kim’s assistant
more than once. He even vomited in her shoes
and then ate it.

      BRAD TOPOGRAPHY (V.O.)

(photo montage of crime scene, pictures of
the set, paparazzi shots of Beethoven, lots
of photos of Kim Kardashian, etc.)

But it didn’t stop there. Beethoven would
regularly show-up late to the set, demand
treats before shooting, and leave puddles of
drool and fur everywhere.

Blind Eye News received this statement from
Beethoven’s lawyers in response to the
accusations.

                   BRAD TOPOGRAHY (V.O.) 

        (VIDEO OF TYPED LETTER WITH BRAD NARRATING &
        Certain Phrases highlighted)

I came of age in the 90’s, when all the rules about
dog behavior were different. It’s not an excuse for
how I’ve acted on the set - or out of it. To anyone.

I’m trying to do better, I have a long way to go. That is
 my commitment. Over the last year I've asked Cesar Milan
 to work with me at his dog rehabilitation center. I plan
 to take a leave of absence to deal with this issue head
  on. I so respect all people and regret what happened.
 Snoop Dogg wrote " With so much drama in the L-B-C, It’s
kinda hard bein Snoop D-O-double-G." The same is true for
  me. I want a second chance in the community but I know
             I've got work to do to earn it.

One year ago, I began organizing a $5 million
foundation to get dogs off the streets. While this

might seem coincidental, it has been in the works for
a year. It will be named after my mom and I won't
disappoint her.

                      CRYSTAL KAY

In light of the accusations, Petco has cut

ties with the star ending its decades long
sponsorship deal.

And rumor has it he has been replaced as the
host of the upcoming season of Too Cute by a
3-legged Corgi.

And Kanye West...who has nothing to do with
this story...was quoted as saying “He better
not bother showing up to the Daytime Emmys or
imma punk his blank so hard it’ll make Taylor
Swift look like the second coming of Yeesus.”

                 BRAD TOPOGRAPHY

Thank you, Crystal.  So sad to see someone so
beloved fall so far.

The accusations couldn’t have come at a worse
time for Sweep It Under the Rug studio, who
is left scrambling to rewrite the film.

Coming up, authorities are on the lookout for
a man in a yellow hat who is being accused by
one chimp...of being more than just curious.

                     CRYSTAL KAY

Thank you...for that...Brad. Asleep on job? A
Hurricane descends on Whoville and 1,000s are
dead are or missing after Horton fails to
hear the littlest who..I can’t...(looking off
camera) 1,000s dead? Seriously?

(Crystal storms out, ripping off her microphone and
mumbling)

I left Fox News for this!?
             

                   BRAD TOPOGRAPHY

         (Stuttering & flustered)

And I’m Brad Topography for Blind Eye News...Good
Night.

END