INT-NEWSROOM-DAY
BRAD TOPOGRAHPY, BENZ (Blind Eye NewZ) anchor, and MATT (BENZ producer) are sitting in a conference room discussing the potential news.
(Camera follows CRYSTAL KAY as she walks into the BENZ newsroom to join an ongoing conversation between her co-anchor BRAD TOPOGRAPHY and MATT)
MATT
(Showing Brad pictures of Saint Bernards on a iPad)
The Cujo looking one is my favorite.
BRAD
(Brad nodding in approval, and giving a Yoda impression)
Done well you have young Padawan.
CRYSTAL
What’s going on? Did we finally catch Beethoven in the act?
BRAD
Close enough and this time he’s involved a celebrity. (fist pounds MATT)
MATT
Kanye is losing his shit.
CRYSTAL
Beethoven did Kanye dirty? He is such a dog.
BRAD
It was Kim Kardashian’s assistant.
MATT
Former assistant…I think.
CRYSTAL
How do we know this? Brad, is this a Twitter tip from that stupid hashtag?
Let’s verify this story befo…(cut off)
BRAD
We’ve already got an interview setup with someone who worked on set.
CRYSTAL
Well, at least we can give a voice his other victims now too. The same thing happened to one of our interns.
MATT
Yeah, except we want people to actually watch the show. And people care about celebrities not interns.
BRAD
Crystal. We need a story. Come on, if it’s poop it’s a scoop!
MATT
Nice Bee-rad! And we got one of those bullshit apologies from his lawyer. We can play it off like it’s breaking news.
(Crystal looks annoyed/disgusted while mouthing “Bee-rad” to herself)
BRAD
Yes! I’ll put my hand up to my ear like I’m receiving a transmission.
(holds hand to ear)
All clear Mr. President.
MATT
(holding hand to ear)
This is major Tom to ground control. Come in ground control.
CRYSTAL
We don’t even have ear pieces, and this is going to look absurd.
BRAD
People want to be entertained.
MATT
And we’re just giving them what they want. Watch this come together!
(Crystal sighs in disgust)
CUT TO BLIND EYE NEWZ LIVE.
In the Blind Eye NewZ newsroom, BRAD & CRYSTAL walk into the shot at the desk.
BRAD
Welcome to B.E.N.Z. Live Brad Topography here.
CRYSTAL
Crystal Kay. Hey everyone, thanks for clicking. You won’t believe who the latest falling star is in Hollywood. We have a tip from someone claiming to be a production assistant on Beethoven 18. It seems the film’s star has been up to his old tricks again. Only this time his dirty business was close enough to someone famous for us to actually care ab…
BRAD
(cutting Crystal off)
That’s right Crystal. Joining us live via Skype is a production assistant who saw a thing or two on set.
CRYSTAL KAY
Brad, he’s right here?
Brad turns around and see the production assistant in the conference room and he waves awkwardly towards them.
BRAD
Ah, well, tell us what you saw behind the scenes.
PRODUCTION ASSISTANT
Toven is a total dog, he just goes wherever he wants. Into the other actor’s trailers without asking. He’ll sniff around, do that thing where he cleans his ass on the floor after taking care of business.
And dude, I know it happened to Kim Kardashian’s assistant…(thinking out loud) former assistant’s friend …maybe.
Anyway, no one wears shorts on set anymore. He’s a bit of a leg humper.
CRYSTAL
And apparently, he was pretty demanding with those treats. Wouldn’t speak without them. But what we want to talk about is the other victims…
BRAD
(cutting off Crystal with hand up to ear pretending to be getting breaking news)
Hold on, I’ve got some breaking news here. Our producer Matt says he just received a statement from Beethoven’s lawyer.
Matt Whatta ya got?
MATT
(Cut away to MATT on a webcam holding his ear)
Hey guys, we just this official statement from his lawyers. And it’s a doozy:
“I came of age in the 90’s, when all the rules about dog behavior were different. It’s not an excuse for how I’ve acted on the set - or out of it. To anyone.”
That’s funny because it sounds like an excuse.
“I’m trying to do better, I have a long way to go. That is my commitment. Over the last year I've asked Cesar Milan to work with me at his dog rehabilitation center. I plan to take a leave of absence to deal with this issue head on. I so respect all people and regret what happened.
Snoop Dogg wrote "With so much drama in the L-B-C, It’s kinda hard bein Snoop D-O-double-G." The same is true for me. I want a second chance in the community, but I know I've got work to do to earn it.
You can say that again.
One year ago, I began organizing a $5 million foundation to get dogs off the streets. While this might seem coincidental, it has been in the works for a year. It will be named after my mom and I won't disappoint her.
BRAD
Thanks Matt.
(hands Crystal a paper) Give ‘em the quote
CRYSTAL KAY
This is ridiculous…Kanye West…who has nothing to do with this story…was quoted saying “He better not bother showing up to the Daytime Emmys or imma punk his ass so hard it’ll make Taylor Swift look like the second coming of Yeesus.”
BRAD TOPOGRAPHY
(laughing)
Oh, thank God for Kanye We…(catches a hard glare from Crystal)..So sad to see someone so beloved fall so far.
Okay folks, thanks for watching. And don’t forget to follow us on Twitter. If you’ve got a tip on a celebrity acting naughty, Tweet as with the hashtag #BENZemOver and you might be featured on the next episode of B-E-N-Z Live!
CRYSTAL KAY
Thank you Brad…for that…
Be sure to watch our next video to get all the juicy details on the (looks at notes)…the hurricane that hit Whoville. Thousands are dead are or missing after Horton failed to hear the littlest Who (looking off camera) thousands dead? Seriously?...I can’t
(Crystal storms out, ripping off her microphone and mumbling)
I left Fox News for this!?
BRAD TOPOGRAPHY
(Stuttering & flustered)
And I’m Brad Topography for Blind Eye NewZ…don’t forget to subscribe below. (points down)
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