• The Russian version of the board game of Life only has four rules. Share, work, breed, and OBEY!
• Deadpool creator Rob Liefeld is infamous because he can’t draw feet. I probably shouldn’t joke about that because I can’t draw at all.
• The Beatles sounds better as a name for a superhero team rather than a name for a rock band because they can literally beat all! And I’m disappointed that none of the members of The Beatles were bugs.
• Led Zeppelin is a great band except their last album didn’t do all that well. In fact, you could say it crashed and burned. My reaction to that news is…oh the horror, oh the humanity.
• You want to know what the plot twist of The Sixth Sense is? Spoilers, who gives a shit!
• He-Man taught us kids that we have the power. The hard truth is when you’re older, you find out that your wife has the power.
• Babysitting is a cruel job. Why would anyone hire someone to sit on a baby?
• Disney vs. DreamWorks? Which animation studio is better? The Mouse House vs. Shrek’s Outhouse! Walt Disney, the man with a dream vs. Jeffrey Katzenberg, the man filled with greed! Again, which studio is the best? The answer is, of course, Studio Ghibli!
• Definition of a hypocrite, James Cameron directs a movie called The Terminator featuring an evil A.I. called Skynet that destroys us all. In the present day, Mr. Cameron invests in an A.I. startup company. Hypocrite!
• If you ever been sucked into a video game like I was last summer, be warned, it was The Sims. In fact, I never left because we’re all in The Sims right now!
• Attention spans are getting shorter. I blame it on…OH LOOK A DOGGY!
• I have FOMO which stands for Fear of Missing Out. Last week, my FOMO acted up because I missed out on the daily group meeting of the Friendly Underwear Captains and Kittens Organization. And the last time I abbreviated the group by stating the acronym for the Friendly Underwear Captains and Kittens Organization, someone slapped me.
• It’s not all that shocking in hindsight that Bill Cosby turned out to be a rapist. Because the warning signs were all there. Because keep in mind, the proof was literally in the pudding!
• Here’s something crazy, did you know that the address of The Muppet Theater from The Muppet Show is 123 Sesame Street? This year, they recently renamed that street Jim Henson Drive.
• Have any of you ever heard of the Kirby video games by Nintendo? I was shocked to learn that the character Kirby’s first name is of course Jack. Get it, Jack Kirby. If you’re a Marvel Comics fan that would mean something.
• Who here reads newspaper comics? Follow up question, who here reads the newspaper?
• There’s a signed picture of me and John Cena hanging on the wall inside my bedroom. Sadly, when I show it to people, they only see me in the photo. The legends are true; you can’t see John Cena!
• I learned Colonel Sanders’s secret recipe back when I used to work at KFC. What makes his fried chicken taste so good? It’s Popeye’s!
• I used to listen to Metallica before I go to sleep. For some reason, Enter Sandman kept me up. Even though I thought if the sandman were to enter my room, he would put me to sleep. So now, I just count sheep instead.
• I heard that the Laff-A-Lympics are canceled this year. The star athlete of the Laff-A-Lympics, Scooby-Doo was arrested at O’Hare Airport with a backpack filled to the brim with Scooby Snacks. Plus, Quick Draw McGraw tested positive for steroids as well.
• What makes a show like SpongeBob SquarePants a NickToon and not a cartoon? You think it’s because SpongeBob airs on Nickelodeon, but that’s not true. It’s because it’s all animated by one Korean guy named Nick Toon. He’s left uncredited.
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