Once upon a
time, there was a hobo named Spotty, a goofy dog, who has a story to
share. Spotty had just hopped off a
train car, or should we say, got kicked off of a train car by some other mean
hobos. As Spotty is about to get the boot, he pleads, “Come on guys, we’re all
hobos here…this isn’t my stop and…”
Spotty hits the ground after being tossed from the moving train. He gets up and dusts himself off. “Oh hello, I’m hobo Spotty, maybe you’ve
heard of me, or maybe not, but I have a fairy tale to tell you. It takes place in a fairy tale world…hmm,
what’s it called? Oh yah…Faterella. I am narrating this tale.”
The story begins at a carnival, which is
owned by a man named Mr. We. Mr. We is a
fat, bald man with a dark black mustache.
Mr. We grew up with a family of struggling carnies. He is the ringmaster of the carnival. Mr. We is evil, and is also mean to the
employees at the carnival, especially to the freaks in his freak show. He treats them like monsters, even puts them
in cages like animals.
I bet you are wondering why our story is at a
carnival freak show? Let’s just say,
this place is where it all began for the Charming Family. We find Mr. We standing in front of a circus
tent. “Come one, come all, to Mr. We’s carnival and freak show. Home to the
very popular Wild Man…,the man that was raised by wolves and is the hairiest
freaking person you’ll ever see!” yelled Mr. We to a crowd. During the time I
am hearing about Wild Man I am rummaging for food in the carnival garbage
can. I said, “Oh, sugar!” Mr. We is making his way over to me to bust
me for looking for food in his garbage cans. Mr. We pulls out a whip, and
begins to shoo me away while hitting me with his whip. “Get out of here you
filthy mutt hobo!” yelled Mr. We in anger. I began to flee from Mr. We. “Give a
guy some slack buddy,” I cried as I was fleeing away. Speaking under my breath
I huffed, “Stupid carnival owner! Rotten man who doesn’t treat the homeless
kindly!” I shrug, and then began eating
a rotten candy apple that I found in a garbage can. “Mmmm, the best food is
expired food,” I said to myself. AND that’s the tale of how I, Spotty, got my
first delicious candy apple…But I guess we should continue with our story.
Entering the freak show exhibit of Mr. We’s
carnival there is a freak called Horn Boy who is being beaten up by his
handlers. You see, at Mr. We’s carnival, , the freaks live a life of
imprisonment and are treated cruelly by everyone except other freaks. Plus, Mr.
We makes the freaks fight each other to the death in a pit for the amusement of
the carnival customers. Mr. We loves to make money off the misery of his freaks.
Mr. We truly believes that these freaks are monsters, so that’s why he treats
them as such. The freaks in Mr. We’s freak show care for each other like
family. The real families of the freaks don’t give a damn about them.
A little boy and his mother are standing
outside one of the freak show exhibits. “Look, mommy, monsters,” said the
little boy. The little boy throws a soda cup at the Wild Man and the little boy
laughs. “Mommy…did you see that I hit that monkey man?” asked the little boy.
“Come on…these people are starting to give me the creeps,” said the little
boy’s mother. Soon, the Wild Man is
roaring wildly in anger. “Hey rittle roy…ran’t rou read that rign,” roared the
Wild Man. Then Wild Man pointed at a sign that reads, “Don’t litter.” The sign
is on the side of the cage, but it was too late for the little boy to read
because the little boy has moved on to another part of the carnival. The Wild
Man then begins to crawl around his cage on all fours in a huff. Who is the
Wild Man, you ask? I don’t quite know
why, but Wild Man is most popular freak in Mr. We’s freak show. I know a secret
about Wild Man. He really wasn’t raised by wolves and is actually a very
intelligent man...just an intelligent man with a lot of hair and a speech
impediment!
The freak
inside a cage across from Wild Man is his younger sister Melted Girl. “Calm
down brother, we’ll get out of here soon,” said Melted Girl. Melted Girl was
born normal, but after a terrible tragedy she became a burn victim. How did she get burnt? She accidently played with fire when she was
young and you can pretty put two and two together. It’s a miracle Melted Girl is even still
alive! The damage to her body also caused breathing problems. She struggles to
breath and being trapped in a cage all day doesn’t help her struggles. Melted
Girl then sighs and Wild Man looks at her with a frown on his face. “Re’ll
rever get out rof here ron’t rou get it...re’re monsters,” said the Wild Man.
The Wild Man
and the Melted Girl are brother and sister. Little would you know they come
from a very special bloodline. Wild Man and Melted Girl are actually royalty
and the heirs to the throne of the Charming Kingdom. Their parents, the king
and queen, were ashamed of their ugly appearances gave them to Mr. We when they
were very young. The people in the Charming Kingdom have no idea about Wild Man
and Melted Girl. BUT they do know that the king and queen of the Charming
Kingdom have three children. Now when I say three children it is because Melted
Girl and Wild Man have a brother named Alfred Charming. Alfred Charming has
grown into a cruel young man who acts like he cares about his siblings when he
really doesn’t. All Alfred wants is to be king.
Today, Alfred
visits his siblings disguised by wearing a hooded robe. He is followed by his bodyguard, El Killo.
El Killo is a Luchador (which is a masked Mexican wrestler) and a former World
Heavyweight Champion. After a scandal, El Killo was fired from his wrestling
promotion and found a job as a bodyguard to the Charming royal family. “El
Killo, as my bodyguard, it is your duty to protect me from the other freaks
while I visit my family,” said Alfred. “Right boss…just remember to be careful
here…I don’t want the paparazzi knowing that we’re here,” said El Killo in a Spanish
accent. Soon, Alfred and El Killo are standing in between the cages of the Wild
Man and Melted Girl. “Alfred, are you here to finally free us,” asked Melted
Girl. “Yah brother, rou rowe rus…rou were the ronly rone rorn perfect rin rour
family,” cried Wild Man. Alfred sighed, and then looked at both of his siblings
with a sad face. “Sorry brother and sister but, the carnival is moving to
another kingdom, there’s nothing that mom, dad, nor I can do about it…oh
well…maybe it’s for the best,” said Alfred. Wild Man starts roaring angrily and
then he stares down at Alfred. Alfred
grins at his brother. “What ro rou mean we have ro move rith this stupid
carnival,” yelled Wild Man in anger. “Alfred…you promised you’d get us out of
here…I miss mom and dad,” cried Melted Girl.
Melted Girl then began to cry while the Wild Man began to tear up a
little. “Sorry…this is your life now…mom and dad don’t want the world to know
who you guys really are…but I must go now…have fun…being freaks,” said Alfred.
Alfred then grinned again and laughed evilly.
Mr. We, hearing all the commotion, entered the freak show exhibit.
Alfred puts his hood back up when is sees Mr. We entering. Mr. We taps on
Alfred’s shoulder.
“Hey pal, my
carnival is closing soon, and we’re going to move to another kingdom, so get
out…my freaks may be amazing, but they will only be seen on my terms,” said Mr.
We in a pissed off tone. “Oh, I’m sorry kind sir. I want to suggest to you that
Wild Man should be neutered. He seems
awfully jacked up on testosterone,” said Alfred. “My freaks don’t need to see
no doctors…now get out of here smartass,” said Mr. We again in a pissed off
tone. “Good luck Mr. We…you’re going to need it,” said Alfred. Then Mr. We
stares at Alfred like he has seen him before.
“Hey buddy…you look familiar and I don’t know why….wait I know who,”
said Mr. We. At this moment El Killo taps Mr. We on the shoulder and Mr. We
turns around. El Killo grabs Mr. We and pulls him up by his chest. “Leave us
alone buddy or you’ll face the consequences pal,” yelled El Killo in anger.
“Okay…I’ll let the kid see his family, but only for a half-hour meet and
greet,” screamed Mr. We. Mr. We walks out mumbling to himself in pain.
El Killo taps
Alfred on his shoulder. “Hey boss…you’re parents want you home by midnight,”
said El Killo. Alfred looks at his watch, and took a quick look at Melted Girl
and Wild Man. “Well, its time for me to
hit the open road…again, have a nice future,” said Alfred toward Melted Girl
and Wild Man. Alfred began to laugh evilly. While he is laughing a bright light
slowly appears in front of Alfred, El Killo, Melted Girl, and Wild Man. As the
light begins to fade, a floating magical fox, whom is carrying a big book,
appears in front of them. “What the f*** is that,” screamed El Killo. My friends, I, Spotty, know who that is, he
is the answer to their prayers. His name
is Riddle Fox. I know, Riddle Fox, what a weird name. His name is Riddle Fox
because he’s good at telling riddles.
Riddle Fox
addresses Wild Man, Melted Girl and Alfred. “Hello, my name is Riddle Fox, and
with my magic all your wishes will come true,” prompted Riddle Fox. “Wishes
eh…who are you again buddy,” asked Alfred. “Listen, I’m a fox wizard with a
book called the Big Book. I have read all about you and your family’s problems
in the Big Book. I am here to help you
guys. Yes, today is your lucky day,” said Riddle Fox. “Do you know what my wish
is,” asked Melted Girl. “Yes, we all know that you and hairy want to get out of
this hellhole. Now, what about me?” interrupts Alfred in a grumpy tone. “Yes,
I’ll make all of you beautiful, so you can get out of here. You’ll both soon be
more beautiful then you could have ever imagined,” said Riddle Fox.
“Reautiful…I ron’t know if…but rokay,” said Wild Man. “Again, I know this is
cool and all, but what about me? Don’t I get a wish as well?” asked Alfred in
an annoyed tone. Riddle Fox then sighs and tosses Alfred a bottle filled with a
magical potion.
“Here, drink
this kid. I already know what your wish is…but remember that all these wishes
have a price,” said Riddle Fox. Alfred catches the bottle and drinks the purple
liquid magical potion that is inside the bottle. After he is done drinking the
magical potion, Alfred’s hands start glowing with a bright light. “My wish came
true, I have magic powers…this is awesome!!” cried Alfred with joy. “What about
our wishes,” asked Melted Girl? “Yah, what rabout rus,” inquired Wild Man.
Riddle Fox pauses and then smiles. “Of course I didn’t forget about you two,”
said Riddle Fox. Riddle Fox snapps his fingers. After Riddle Fox snapps his
fingers, Wild Man and Melted Girl slowly begin to transform into beautiful,
supermodel-like people. Soon Wild Man and Melted Girl are no longer ugly…they
are absolutely beautiful.
El Killo and
Alfred look at them in shock and awe.
“Alfred, help me get your brother and sister out of these cages before
Mr. We comes back. The king and queen
now have children they can be proud of,” said El Killo. Alfred and El Killo
free the newly beautifully transformed Wild Man and Melted Girl from their
cages. “Remember you guys, I’ll always be there when you need me. Hope you
enjoy your wishes, but remember to keep your hearts pure and use your wishes
wisely,” said Riddle Fox. “I can’t wait to see mom and dad again,” cried Melted
Girl in joy. Riddle Fox then handed them his business card and Riddle Fox
disappeared while saying, “We will meet again.” Two of the freaks, Snake Man
and Bearded Lady were overhearing the conversation between the Charmings and
Riddle Fox. “Gosh darn it…why do those two losers always get the attention
around here,” an agitated Snake Man said. “Because they are the ones who run
the show around here…and I don’t just mean this damn carnival,” said the
Bearded Lady.
The process of closing down Mr. We’s carnival
began. The lights were turning off. The carnival employees began to leave. Mr.
We sat down and began to count his
money. All of this occurring while the Charmings began their trip home. Wild Man and Melted Girl can’t wait to get
home! Alfred Charming begins to laugh wickedly.
Finally their wishes came true…but our story is far from over!
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