(At Walt
Disney Animation Studios in Burbank, California)
(Ken is showing Bud Lemmy his new office)
KEN
Well
Bud, you are truly legend around here at the Disney animation studio. So why
have you finally decided to come out of retirement?
BUD LEMMY
Ever
since you peckers got rid of my pension I don’t have any more money, but dog on it, I was the greatest
animator in my day I figured why the hell not come out of retirement. Also
Wal-Mart fired me as a greeter and this was my last resort!
KEN
Why did Wal-Mart fire you?
BUD LEMMY
I’d rather not talk about it. But just
between you and me…women have a lot of rights now! Just because I thought my
supervisor had a great ass and I…but look again you don’t need to know! Now
where’s the drawing broad!
KEN
Oh that’s right! Bud, things have
changed a lot since the 40’s. We use computers now, no drawing what so ever! Do
you know how to use Adobe Photoshop?
BUD LEMMY
No…
(Ken’s
cellphone begins to ring and Ken pulls his cellphone out)
KEN
Sorry Bud, I have to take this call.
If you have any more questions I’m sure Terri will help you out, if you need
help, just remember that Terri’s office is next door. Again welcome back Bud!
(Ken
exits to the room and Bud pulls out a piece of paper)
(Bud tapes the piece of paper to his computer screen
and begins to draw on it)
(Ryan enters and Bud Lemmy looks confused)
BUD LEMMY
What the heck are you wearing kid? You
look like a freaking beatnik!
RYAN
Okay whatever, anyway my name is Ryan
and I’m…
BUD LEMMY
I know exactly who you are Ryan…here
let me help you out!
(Bud
Lemmy gets up out of his chair and slowly walks over to pick up his garbage
can)
(Bud
Lemmy then hands Ryan his garbage can)
BUD LEMMY
Here Ryan, empty this for me and then you
can come back to clean the windows!
RYAN
What the heck? I just wanted to tell
you I’m a fan of your work and that I became animator because of it!
BUD LEMMY
(SHOCKED)
WHAT! YOU’RE NOT THE JANITOR! SINCE WHEN
DOES DISNEY HIRE MEXICANS?
RYAN
I’m Brazilian!
BUD LEMMY
(SHOCKED)
WOW! WALT WOULD BE ROLLING OVER IN HIS
GRAVE! ANYWAY, LOOK KID, SORRY FOR THE MISTAKE BUT ITS JUST…WOW! So ah, which
movie are you a fan of?
RYAN
I love Pinocchio…
BUD LEMMY
Oh, because
of the donkeys, right? I drew one of them in that picture and I nailed the
actress that voiced the Blue Fairy too! Now, she had some big knockers…
RYAN
(AWKWARDLY)
Okay, it was
nice to meet you, Bud. But now I have to go back and animate Olaf for Frozen 2. Also, you should probably turn on
your computer so that you can…
BUD LEMMY
What! I don’t speak Spanish, but sure
tacos would be great right now! Anyway glad you’re living the dream kid!
RYAN
(TO HIMSELF WHEN HE’S
EXITING)
My uncle was right when he said you
should never meet your heroes because they’ll always let you down…
(Ryan
exits the scene and Bud continues to draw)
BUD LEMMY
(IN A COCKY TONE)
I can still draw a damn good Goofy!
(Terri
enters and Bud Lemmy sees her and jumps right up)
BUD LEMMY
(SCREAMING)
HOLY SHIT! WHERE THE HELL DID YOU COME
FROM!
TERRI
Oh, sorry to startle you, Mr. Lemmy,
but my name is…
BUD LEMMY
(YELLING)
TERRI GET YOUR ASS IN HERE! SOME
BLACKIE BROKE INTO MY OFFICE AND I THINK SHE WANTS TO STEAL MY WATCH! TERRI!
TERRI…
TERRI
Actually I’m Terri, Ken told me you might
need my help and I’m a huge fan of your work, so, do need any help?
BUD LEMMY
(CONFUSED)
Hold it, you’re Terri the animator who
works right next door to me?
TERRI
Yes!
BUD LEMMY
(CONFUSED)
But you’re a woman!
TERRI
Yes!
BUD LEMMY
(CONFUSED)
But you’re black!
TERRI
(ANNOYED)
Yes, now do you need my help with
anything?
BUD LEMMY
Just out of curiosity, did you know I
was the one who animated Uncle Remus in Song
of the South?
TERRI
But Uncle Remus was played by James Baskett in live action while the background
was animated right?
BUD LEMMY
That’s
what Walt wanted you blackies to think. It was all a cartoon. He loved screwing
with you nig…
TERRI
(CREEPED OUT)
Okay,
looks like you don’t need any help at the moment. I have to go to Human
Resources now and file a complaint, but anyway, it was nice to meet you Mr.
Lemmy…
(Terri flees the scene
and then Ken reenters)
KEN
So, I
just thought I’d come back and see how you were doing?
BUD LEMMY
Ken,
I’m beginning to question what had happened to this place when I was away…
KEN
Well,
after Walt died things changed around here, Bud. We now hire people of color
and women have a bigger role in the studio then they did before. I know you’re
a man from a different era of Disney, but I feel you’ll learn to love working
here in modern Disney!
BUD LEMMY
It
really is A Small World. Glad we’re both just two normal white guys and that
Walt would be proud the white man still has the power around here!
KEN
Actually,
I’m transgender!
(After
hearing that Bud Lemmy has a heart attack and dies)
(Ken then
grabs the drawings taped on Bud Lemmy’s computer and looks at them)
KEN
Damn
he’s really good at drawing Goofy…weird he drew a scene where Goofy is reading “Mein Kampf” though, but hey, who am I to
judge! That’s the modern Disney Magic for yah!
(Blackout.)
