(A
Hollywood executive named Brad is sitting in his office)
BRAD
The new screenwriter is
running late for our 3:00 meeting. Where the hell could he be?
(Hulk
Hogan enters Brad’s office flexing his muscles and holding a championship belt)
HULK HOGAN
(YELLING)
Hulk-a-mania is running
wild brother!
(Brad
reaches out to shake Hulk Hogan’s hand, and Hulk refuses. Brad sits back down
and Hulk Hogan sits across from him)
BRAD
So, Mr. Hogan, you wanted
to pitch me an idea for a new romantic comedy?
HULK HOGAN
Damn right, brother! It’s
about a wrestler like me!
BRAD
Oh, so it’s a wrestling
themed romantic comedy.
HULK HOGAN
(YELLING)
Actually, it’s about a
handsome bearded wrestler who fucked his friend’s wife!
BRAD
What? Why did this
wrestler have sex with his friend’s wife?
HULK HOGAN
He wanted to film a sex
tape, brother! This wrestler’s friend was cool with him porking his wife!
(Brad
covers his face with his hands and sighs)
BRAD
Then what happens after
they film this sex tape?
HULK HOGAN
It’s leaked by Gawker
Media. Later on, WWE fires the wrestler because the wrestler said the N word a
few times while he was banging his friend’s wife!
(Brad
takes a sip of water while Hulk Hogan pulls out some action figures)
HULK HOGAN
Later on, the wrestler and his old
friend Kamala meet at Denny’s. After they eat a grand slam, they head to the
wrestler’s Hummer to make out!
(Hulk
Hogan is making an action figure of himself and an action figure of Kamala make
out with each other while Brad is shaking his head up and down)
BRAD
(ANNOYED)
Why are you…I mean, this wrestler,
making out with Kamala? Is this character bisexual or something, now?
HULK HOGAN
Even though Kamala and the wrestler
were rivals in the ring, they were secretly lovers in the night! Plus, the
wrestler gave Kamala a BJ to prove he wasn’t a racist!
(Brad
just stares at Hulk Hogan while Hulk Hogan is playing with his action figures)
BRAD
(SIGHING)
What else happens in this romantic comedy,
Hulk?
(Hulk
Hogan pulls out an action figure of Chris Benoit and Hulk Hogan shoves the
action figure of Chris Benoit into Brad’s face)
HULK HOGAN
Then, legendary wrestler Chris Benoit
comes back from the dead to wrestle the wrestler in the Costco where this
wrestler currently works!
BRAD
(CONFUSED)
Why does Chris Benoit come back to
life to just wrestle at a Costco?
(Hulk
Hogan is playing with the action figures to simulate them wrestling)
HULK HOGAN
Chris Benoit doesn’t just wrestle in
this movie. Chris Benoit comes back to life along with his family so he can
kill them and himself all over again!
BRAD
Is this movie still a romantic comedy
because your pitch seems to be transforming into different genres, here?
(Hulk
Hogan ignores Brad and continues to play with his action figures)
HULK HOGAN
Chris Benoit killed people while I
only said the N word while banging my friend’s wife!
BRAD
You mean the wrestler character that
banged his friend’s wife, right? Or is this a biopic? Make some sense here, Mr.
Hogan.
(Hulk
Hogan ignores Brad and continues to play with his action figures)
BRAD
(SIGHING)
So whom would you like to cast in this
movie?
HULK HOGAN
I like the wrestler to be played by Chris
Pratt, the wrestler’s friend to be played by Kevin James, and Kamala to be
played by Morgan Freeman. Chris Benoit will be played by Jim Carrey and lastly
the friend’s hot sexy wife be played by Brooke Hogan!
BRAD
Let me get this straight. You want the wrestler’s lover to be played by
Brooke Hogan, your daughter?
HULK HOGAN
She’s been out of work for a while!
BRAD
Uh huh.
HULK HOGAN
Plus, Brooke’s pretty hot!
(Brad
gets up from his chair and slowly walks out of his office)
(Hulk
Hogan gets up and flexes his muscles)
HULK HOGAN
(YELLING)
Whatever, I don’t need your studio’s
money, Mr. Brad Smith, to make my movie. After suing Gawker Media, I have a
shit ton of money, brother. I can make my movie independently, like how Howard
Hughes made The Conqueror and that
movie was awesome as hell!
(Blackout.)
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