{***JOHN***}
HELLO, I’M
JOHN TETI, AND THIS IS THE A.V. CLUB SHOW. TODAY WE’RE GOING TO TALK ABOUT
DISNEY!
[VT-SOT: A
CLIP OF JIMINY CRICKET SINGING “WHEN YOU WISH UPON A STAR”)
(***JOHN***)
OH DISNEY,
HOW I LOVE THEE, AND THAT SONG THAT INSPIRES FALSE HOPE THAT DREAMS WILL COME
TRUE IF YOU BELIEVE OR WAS IT THIS SONG?
(VT-SOT: A
CLIP OF CINDERELLA SINGING “A DREAM IS A WISH YOUR HEART MAKES”)
(***JOHN***)
DISNEY,
DREAMS CAN COME TRUE, AND IN CINDERELLA’S CASE, SHE WAS JUST HOT ENOUGH TO LAND
A MAN THAT COULD TAKE HER OUT OF HER CRAPPY LIVING SITUATION. TODAY WE’RE GOING TO TALK ABOUT THINGS THAT
DISNEY WISHES UPON A STAR HOPING YOU WILL FORGET FROM THEIR HISTORY.
(MONTAGE OF
SONG OF THE SOUTH)
(***JOHN***)
EXCEPT FOR
ZIP -A -DEE -DO-DA, DISNEY REALLY WANTS YOU TO FORGET SONG OF THE SOUTH
EXISTS. IT’S PRETTY RACIST AND NOT PC
FOR TODAY’S AUDIENCES, BUT IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO WATCH IT, YOU CAN ALWAYS
BOOTLEG IT. DISNEY, EVERYBODY WANTS TO WATCH YOUR MOVIES, EVEN THE RACIST ONES,
AND SPEAKING OF RACISM.
(MONTAGE
OF DISNEY WW2 FILMS)
(***JOHN***)
HEY, WE WERE
AT WAR, OKAY? YES, IT’S NOT A GOOD EXCUSE, BUT DID YOU SEE THAT ANIMATION? IT WAS AWSEOME AND BEAUTIFUL. WEIRD IT
FEATURES NAZIS AND STEROTYPES, I KNOW. YOU WONT FIND THESE FILMS ON DISNEY
CHANNEL, BUT THEY ARE ALL OVER YOUTUBE. DISNEY DID NOT STOP AT THE NAZIS; THEY
HAVE OTHER THINGS THEY WANT YOU TO FORGET.
(MONTAGE OF
RACIST MICKEY MOUSE CARTOONS)
(***JOHN***)
YEAH, FOLKS,
MICKEY MOUSE WORE BLACKFACE. THIS WAS NORMAL IN ENTERTAINMENT BACK IN THE DAY. RACISM WAS ACCEPTABLE. THINK OF BLACKFACE AS THE FART JOKE OF
TODAY. ALSO, ANOTHER THING PEOPLE DON’T
ALWAYS REMEMBER ABOUT DISNEY.
(A VIDEO
SLIDESHOW OF PICTURES OF DISNEY ANIMATORS)
(***JOHN***)
THOSE ARE
LEGENDARY DISNEY ANIMATORS WHO’S NAMES YOU DO NOT EVEN REMEMBER BECAUSE YOU PROBABLY
NEVER EVEN KNEW THEIR NAMES. BUT SADLY,
THEY TOO, ARE FORGOTTEN, BECAUSE WHO GETS ALL THE CREDIT?
(A PICTURE OF
WALT DISNEY)
(***JOHN***)
THAT’S RIGHT!
THIS GUY! EARLY ON THOSE ANIMATORS DID
ALL THE WORK WHILE WE REMEMBER HIM. AFTER THE SHOW, PLEASE GOOGLE THEM. LEARN
ABOUT THEM, AND LOVE THEM. LIKE FOR REAL, WALT DIDN’T CREATE THE CHARACTER, GOOFY.
ART BABBIT CREATED GOOFY, WHY ISN’T HE A LEGEND?
WHY AREN’T WE GOING TO BABBIT WORLD RIGHT NOW? ALSO YOU CANT HELP BUT NOTICE,
IT WAS A SAUSAGE FEST WITH THE ANIMATORS TOO. NOT BECAUSE WOMEN DIDN’T WANT TO
BE ANIMATORS, BUT BECAUSE UNCLE WALT JUST WOULDN’T HIRE THEM. DISNEY, A MIX OF
GOOD OLD AMERCIAN SEXISM AND RACISM. BUT WHAT ELSE LIES IN THE REALM OF
FORGOTTEN DISNEY?
(MONTAGE OF
SCENES FROM THE MOVIE THE BLACK HOLE)
(***JOHN***)
THAT WAS
FOOTAGE FROM A MOVIE CALLED THE BLACK HOLE, A.K.A. BEFORE DISNEY PURCHASED THE STAR
WARS FRANCHISE. YEAH, BEFORE DISNEY BOUGHT STAR WARS, THEY MADE A KNOCK OFF
MOVIE. DISNEY WAS A LITTLE COMPANY BACK THEN AND THEY COULDN’T BUY STAR WARS AT
THE TIME, SO THEY CREATED THIS BOX OFFICE BOMB. GUESS WHAT? SOMEHOW DISNEY WANTS TO REMAKE THIS OLD BOX
OFFICE BOMB. NOTE TO DISNEY, YOU DON’T
NEED TO REMAKE BLACK HOLE WHEN A) YOU HAVE THE ORIGINAL AND B) YOU OWN STAR
WARS NOW. BUT IF YOU WANT TO MAKE A STAR WARS/THE BLACK HOLE CROSSOVER MOVIE,
I’M ALL FOR IT. MAN, MY HEAD HURTS TRYING TO REMEMBER WHAT DISNEY WANTS ME TO
FORGET, WHAT ELSE HAS DISNEY TRIED TO MAKE US FORGET?
(MONTAGE OF
CLIPS FROM VIDEOS FROM THE MAKER GEN CHANNEL)
(***JOHN***)
MAKER GEN IS
A DISNEY OWNED YOUTUBE MCN. OR BETTER PUT, A WAY TO GIVE YOUTUBERS FALSE HOPES
THAT DISNEY WILL HELP THEM GROW THEIR CHANNEL. YES, THEY ARE NOW WORKING FOR DISNEY,
BUT IN REALITY, IT’S JUST A DISNEY OWNED PYRAIMD SCEME. BASICALLY, DISNEY BOUGHT MAKER GEN AND NOW
THEY DON’T REALLY KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH IT. DISNEY, OWNER OF MAKER GEN, GIVES
TWO SHITS ABOUT THE FINE YOUTUBE CREATORS. THEY ARE JUST HAPPY TO TAKE ALL OF
THEIR MONEY. I WOULD PLAY DUST IN THE WIND RIGHT NOW, BUT OUT OF RESPECT FOR
THE YOUTUBERS OF MAKER GEN, I’LL JUST SAY I COULDN’T GET THE COPYRIGHT TO THE
SONG. INSTEAD, I’LL SING MY PARODY VERSION, FART IN THE WIND. NO? YOU DON’T WANT ME TO SING RIGHT NOW? OKAY, MOVING
ON. WHAT ELSE IS GOING ON IN FORGOTTEN DISNEY?
(MONTAGE OF
OLD DISNEY WORLD RIDES)
(***JOHN***)
HOLY SHIT!
DISNEY WORLD! THE HAPPIEST PLACE ON EARTH! DID WE, AS A SOCIETY DECLARE DISNEY
THE HAPPIERST PLACE ON EARTH? OR IS IT JUST BECAUSE DISNEY HAS BEEN PUTTING
THIS IN OUR HEAD FOR YEARS AND YEARS. HOLY SHIT! DISNEY WORLD! I WANT TO GO
MOMMMY! BUT WAIT, ALL THOSE RIDES YOU SAW ARE NO LONGER THERE. WHERE DID THEY
GO? HERE’S AN EXAMPLE OF A FUN RIDE THAT USED TO BE AT EPCOT!
(VT-SOT: A
CLIP FROM THE OLD DISNEY RIDE MAELSTORM)
(***JOHN***)
THAT RIDE WAS
CALLED MAELSTORM! IT WAS MY FAVORITE RIDE! WHAT HAPPENED TO IT?
(VT-SOT: ELSA
SINGING “LET IT GO” FROM FROZEN)
(***JOHN***)
OF COURSE. FUCKING
FROZEN. FROZEN IS POPULAR NOW, BUT IS IT TIMELESS? IT’S A
DAMN GOOD MOVIE, BUT I DON’T THINK IT’S GOOD ENOUGH TO TAKE AWAY MAELSTORM. THE
ULITMATE SADNESS FOR DISNEY WORLD FANS IS THAT IN ORDER FOR A NEW RIDE TO COME
IN AND OLD ONE MUST GO. LUCKILY, MOST RIDES AREN’T MISSED, BUT FOR THE ONES THAT
ARE, DISNEY WISHES YOU TO FORGET. LASTLY, YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE DISNEY FORGETS?
(MONTAGE OF
LOST FOOTAGE FROM DISNEY FILMS, SHORTS AND TV SHOWS)
(***JOHN***)
HOW TO
PRESERVE IT’S FILMS, TV SHOWS, AND SHORTS. THAT’S RIGHT. MANY OF THE CLASSIC
FILMS, TV SHOWS, AND SHORTS FROM DISNEY ARE LOST AND NEED TO BE FOUND. IF YOU
FIND ANY LOST DISNEY FILMS, PLEASE, SHARE THEM ON THE INTERNET OR DONATE THEM
TO A MUESUM. I MIGHT SAY RETURN THEM TO DISNEY, BUT REMEMBER, THESE ARE THINGS
DISNEY WANTS YOU TO FORGET!
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