INT. BUONA BEEF RESTAURANT-DAY
PAUL (A disabled overweight young man) is working a cash register where we see JESSE PINKMAN (Loosely based on the fictional character from the show “Breaking Bad”) sleeps on a bench waiting for his order while we see MIKE (A thin nerdy young man) working the grill.
ANNOUNCER (V.O.)
Did you ever wonder what happened to that retarded Burger King guy who song that funny “Ding Fries Are Done” song? Let’s see where he is now?
(Author’s Note: The song Paul sings is a parody of “Ding Fries Are Done” and the joke is Paul is the original singer of the song but now working at a different restaurant but keeps the same melody/tone as the original)
PAUL (SINGING)
Ding fries are done, ding fries are done. I gotta run, I gotta run. I got laid off from Burger King, now I work at Buona Beef that’s across the street from Burger King. I still wear paper hats. We don’t serve apple pies but we do have pizza pies. Where is the order, must wait for order, is it for here or to go. That I don’t know.
Mike dings a bell and passes a bag over to Paul. Paul wakes up Jesse Pinkman and hands him his food.
PAUL
Here you go! Have a nice day.
JESSE
Yeah, beef bitch. Oh right, I just remembered that my boss Mr. White wanted a Dr. Pepper. Mind if I had that to my order?
PAUL
Dah, Mr. Mike?
Mike sighs and walks over towards Paul and Jesse. Mike sighs again as he puts on a fake smile.
MIKE
What is it, Paul?
PAUL
Can we add a Dr. Pepper to this guy’s order?
MIKE
Yes, I will take care of that. Paul, it’s your five minute break, go watch Paw Patrol buddy, alright.
PAUL
Yeah! Paw Patrol! Let me get my Toshiba Handibook.
Paul goes to his childish backpack to grab his Toshiba Handibook, when the sounds of chicken clucking is heard.
COLONEL SANDERS (O.S.)
Don’t you watch Paw Portal right now, little dummy! Don’t you make one more beef here or one more non-chicken fry!
Paul turns around to see COLONEL SANDERS (Loosely based on the real life counterpart) dressed in a pimp outfit with chickens scattered around him. Jesse leaves as Colonel Sanders enters while Mike looks on in horror while Paul stares blankly.
(Author’s Note: Colonel Sanders is singing a parody version of the song “Friends on the Other Side” from Disney’s Princess and The Frog” keeping the same melody/tone as the original.)
COLONEL SANDERS (SINGING)
I want you in my world, not your world, because I got fried feathered friends on the other side!
Suddenly the lights go out inside the restaurant and a spotlight shines on Colonel Sanders. Mike continues to shake in fear as Paul moves from side to side dancing to the music.
COLONEL SANDERS (SINGING)
That’s just how I role gentlemen, just a little southern style, extra crispy, showing off my tasty tricks, don’t worry about it.
Colonel Sanders taps his cane and a table with two buckets of fried chicken appear. Colonel Sanders taps his cane again and Paul and Mike appear sitting down at the table around Colonel Sanders and his buckets of fried chicken.
COLONEL SANDERS (SINGING)
Sit down at this greasy table, eat a drumstick or two. As I give you the rundown of this fast food landscape. As I begin this job interview. COVID really screwed me and the industry as a whole. But here’s some applications, for your review. Better pay, better breaks and more delights, as I want you to start frying my feathered friends from the other side.
Paul starts filling out the application to work for Colonel Sanders as Mike tries to break free.
MIKE
Mr. Sanders.
COLONEL SANDERS
That’s Colonel Sanders, son!
MIKE
Right, Colonel Sanders. I hate working here, I’m actually just doing this to pay off my student loans, so what will make working for you different from here?
Colonel Sanders laughs and pulls out an axe. Colonel Sanders starts attacking and killing the chickens that are scattered around the restaurant.
COLONEL SANDERS (SINGING)
I got popcorn, got tenders, and they are all deliciously salted and fried. Now there goes my feathered friends just right before they are fried!
Colonel Sanders now covered in chicken blood sits back down at the table as Paul hands over his application to Colonel Sanders as Mike finally breaks free.
Mike pulls out a handgun and aims it a Colonel Sanders.
MIKE (SINGING)
With my lifestyle deep fried and the health code low. Get the fuck out of this restaurant before I come with lawyers in tow!
Colonel Sanders snaps his fingers and the music grows scary and louder. The chickens start to become demonic.
COLONEL SANDERS (SINGING)
You wish to sue me? You wish to sue me? You wish to sue me? Chicken places are essential, chicken places are essential, won’t be closed during a pandemic essential, you won’t feel it, because you can’t feel it. You’ll die and you’ll die and you’ll die, because I hope you won’t sue this guy. Because if you do, don’t say I didn’t warn you. As my fried feather friends start to devour your insides!
The demonic chickens start mauling Mike while Mike screams in pain in the background. The lights turn back on as Colonel Sanders escorts Paul out of the restaurant.
COLONEL SANDERS
Welcome to the KFC family, Paul! Here’s your new uniform!
PAUL
But you didn’t read my application yet?
COLONEL SANDERS
Don’t worry, son. Between your work here and at Burger King, you’ll be fine under me. Now we have to get out of here. Because I saw that Pinkman guy so I sense danger. To the SandersMoblie!
Colonel Sanders claps as the SandersMoblie drives over to Colonel Sanders and Paul as a poorly played rip off of the 60’s Batman theme song plays. Colonel Sanders rushes Paul inside of the SandersMoblie and once they are inside they drive away with the sounds of Mike’s screams heard in the background.
END
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