COLIN JOST sits at the news desk.
COLIN
World Wrestling Entertainment
recently announced that they will
use AI to write their scripts for
their wrestling shows. Here to
comment on this is the ghost of WWE
Hall of Famer Roddy Piper.
GHOST RODDY PIPER enters with his ENTRANCE THEME MUSIC
playing.
GHOST RODDY PIPER
Howdy Colin, mighty nice to be here
on Saturday Night Live. Here’s the
thing. I don’t get why WWE needs to
use AI to make matches. All I
needed in my day to help me wrestle
was a simple notebook, a pen,
cocaine, and steroids. Can an AI do
cocaine there Colin?
COLIN
I don’t know Mr. Piper.
GHOST RODDY PIPER
Here’s the thing, I seen AI make
crazy videos. In fact, that’s the
only thing airing on TV where I am
at...
COLIN
Are you in Hell?
GHOST RODDY PIPER
No Cleveland, Ohio. Nah, I’m just
messing with ya. But once you see
an AI video of Macho Man Randy
Savage as Mister Rogers on
Facebook, you’ve already entered
the seventh layer of Hell. But I
can see why WWE would want to use
AI to write their shows. Because an
AI is just as heartless, soulless,
and cold as any comedy writer.
COLIN
Wait, I’m a comedy writer and I
have a soul.
GHOST RODDY PIPER
Do ya, Colin? Nah, I’m just messing
with ya. Here’s the thing, first
the AI will write the scripts, then
it will make the matches
altogether, wrestlers will then
become unemployed. And when a
wrestler is unemployed, they get
angry. And you wouldn’t like a
wrestler when they’re angry.
COLIN
Isn’t wrestling fake though?
GHOST RODDY PIPER
Not as fake as AI. But like AI,
wrestling looks real and sometimes
causes real harm. So the moral of
the day is, oh no, I forgot the
moral. And the cocaine is wearing
off. But did ya hear that Lorne
just announced that AI will write
SNL sketches now?
COLIN
No way, that can’t be true because
if it is I’m angry.
GHOST RODDY PIPER
Nah, I’m just messing with ya
Colin. But knowing Lorne, he’s
getting ideas.
COLIN
The ghost of Roddy Piper everybody!
GHOST RODDY PIPER
Just when you think they have all
the answers, I change the
questions.
END
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