Thursday, February 5, 2026

Steven Bucky Butler’s Two-liner Weekend Update Jokes 2026 Part 1 (iO Theater Class Project)

Disney is going to make a live actin remake of their animated classic “Tangled” and they already cast the main leads. Sabrina Carpenter reportedly wasn’t considered for the role of Rapunzel because she was too pretty for the part. I thought it was a remake of Tangled not Shrek, Disney Princesses are supposed to be pretty, right? 
• A federal judge temporarily halted the Trump administration’s plan to withhold $10 billion in childcare and family assistance funds in Illinois. Yet Trump originally wanted that $10 billion to keep his children’s love. 
 • The Chicago Bears mull a move to either Indiana or Kansas in what most Chicagoans call Da Lions, Da Tigers, and Da Bears oh my deep-dish pizza pie! 
• A sluggish December hiring caps year of weak job gains. And I feel it because if only Mad TV was still a thing, my hiring options would be wide open if this SNL gig fails. 
• Police officer Ryan Miller from Chesterton, IL is charged with domestic violence felonies and put on unpaid leave. That had to be awkward when Miller’s wife called the police on him and the arriving officers said, Hi Ryan, still cool with Subway for lunch tomorrow. 
• AI chatbot Grok restricts image generation due to users making over sexualized deepfakes of people, including children. And that’s why you can now follow me on BlueSky. Because X has truly earned its new name. 
• Comedian Nikki Glaser tries out Golden Globes jokes at comedy clubs before hosting the awards show. She says she’s struggling to find the perfect Julia Roberts joke. Eric Roberts says he’s happy that he’s not the butt of a joke for once. 
• Russians fire new ballistic missile in a warning to the West. I just got over a cold yesterday, yet why can’t we get over the Cold War? 
• Pope Leo pans military incursions, laments spreading zeal for war. Funny how popes used to start wars and now they are asking to stop wars. Maybe Pope Leo could learn from Trump and start a war to distract from his church’s own history of supporting child predators.

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