THREE IDEAL GETS FOR THIS
SKETCH!
A TOY THAT A KID REALLY WANTS: ACTION FIGURE
A FURRY ANIMAL: DOG
A THING THAT NO KID WOULD EVER WANT TO GET FOR
CHRISTMAS: UNDERWEAR
(A
little rich kid in his bedroom writing a Christmas list on his desk)
LITTLE KID
(TALKING WHILE WRITING
HIS LIST)
Dear Santa, oh, you are
quite a handsome man, such joy you give to all the kids of the world. But, for
now, please give a little of your joy to me. I’ve been a very good boy this
year, Mr. Claus. I’ve got two B+’s to show for it. Also, I was grounded only
twice this month. Anyway, I really want this awesome amazing toy, it’s a (first audience get). Oh, how I’m been
dying to play with it. I so badly want to use its kung-fu punch and swing the (first audience get)’s battle-axe like I have seen on the TV commercial. (first audience get) can fly and zoom
around the house, and bounces like a crazy ball. I love (first audience get)’s cartoon on Saturday morning and if I get (first audience get) everyday would be
a Saturday to me from now on. I know my best friend has one and I have to have
everything he has or else he’s better than me. Of course, I want to be so much better
than him Santa. Don’t give me this crap that we’re all special in our own way
Santa, I deserve (first audience get)
more than anyone. It’ll make me such a badass at the schoolyard. Plus pretty
please ignore the fact that I already own seven (first audience get), but just know that I deserve all the (first audience get). But back to the
list at hand, if you didn’t already know, Mr. Claus, after all you are always
watching, I want a pet, a furry, powerful beast I can play with and show off to
my friends. Not not just any furry pet. I want a (second audience get). Oh, I will take care of it, or at least have
my butlers feed my pet (second audience
get), while I’m away on my private island. I know some people might say
it’s meant to stay with its own kind in the wild, but screw that! Owning a pet (second audience get) would make so
cool and I want (second audience get) to
fetch my weekly copy of The
Wall Street Journal on the doorstep of my huge mansion. Also, my pet (second
audience get) would do my bidding and slay all of my enemies with its fangs
and claws. Santa if you know me like how I think you do, you won’t like to be
my enemy, especially if I have a powerful pet (second audience get) to bite you in the nuts at my command. Make
it German (second audience get) ,too,
because I don’t want a weak (second
audience get) that is cute and small. Santa, if you don’t want to make me
mad, you mustn’t give me another pair of (final
audience get) this year. I mean, no kid wants to have this. I’ll be the
laughing stock at school. I mean who wants (final
audience get). Seriously, they might be too big for me or hurt my little tushy.
Even if they are Calvin Klein branded (final
audience get), I still don’t want them. So if you ever give me (final audience get), I’ll never forgive you. If you do give me (final audience get), you’ll end up on my enemies list along
with my other foes, Richie Rich and Mark
Zuckerberg. Oh, instead of leaving you
milk and cookies for you this year like the other peasant children, how does
lobster and fine aged wine sound? Only the best for you, Santa. Remember I only
want two things. Just two little things I want Mr. Claus, the amazing (first audience get) with all of (first audience get) vehicles
and playsets, including the Skull Swamp Castle and (first audience get)’s Jet Car. A new furry (second
audience get) that’ll be my friend until the bitter end or until (second audience get) shits on the rug,
because who really says (second audience
get) are man’s best friend if they disobey their master. Again remember, do not dare give me (final audience get) or I will hate you
for life and burn (final audience get)
in my fireplace along with my Grandma’s wool socks. Well, I have to go now, my
butler Dean says dinner’s ready and the maid has to clean my room during
supper. Have a safe flight this year, because I fear my new pet (second audience get) will scare your
reindeer. Sincerely yours, Dukenton
Moneybags Goldworth the 3rd sole heir of the Artic Oil Company
fortune. P.S. My Dad says he’s coming to drill for oil in the North Pole this
year, so if you’re lucky, my Daddy will give you a bit of a gift of your own,
because well let’s just say business is good. He may give you a cut of the
profits if you please his favorite little man! Merry Christmas!
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