Wednesday, December 2, 2015

Tom Cruise & John Travolta’s Game Night (Version 2)!

(In Hollywood, at a huge mansion, John Travolta & Tom Cruise are having A GAME NIGHT)
                
                  JOHN TRAVOLTA
Oh my god! My first game night! With my best friend! OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD! YOU KNOW?
                 TOM CRUISE
For the last time! I’m not your best friend and the only reason we’re hanging out together is that nobody likes us!
                 
                  JOHN TRAVOLTA
Yeah, Scientology kind of turns people off, you know? OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD! What should we play? I brought Battleship, Mouse Trap, Trivial Pursuit, The Battlefield Earth Game…
                                                                                                      
                  TOM CRUISE
What in the hell is the Battlefield Earth game?
                                                                         
                JOHN TRAVOLTA
OH MY GOD! It’s the best game ever! It goes like this! You make a bunch of crappy movies, then one hit movie that leads to other hit movies!  Then you land on the Battlefield Earth space…you lose money…it’s kinda like Monopoly, but it’s based on a real story!                                                               
                    
TOM CRUISE
YEAH! How about we just play Yahtzee?
                    JOHN TRAVOLTA
Yeah, Yahtzee’s cool, like Scientology. Why isn’t Scientology more like mainstream you know?
                      TOM CRUISE
Well, the peasants think it’s a bit of a cult!
                      JOHN TRAVOLTA
Like a pony or that football team?
                        TOM CRUISE
You don’t know what a cult is, do you? Wow, the brainwashing really worked on you!
                      JOHN TRAVOLTA
Yeah, plus I didn’t have much of a brain to begin with and it was the 70’s, lot a drugs too. OH MY GOD! YOU KNOW WHO I MISS A WHOLE AWFUL LOT…LEAH REMINI! I HAVEN’T SEEN HER IN YEARS! OH MY GOD YOU KNOW!
                        TOM CRUISE
SHE IS NOT TO BE MENTIONED AGAIN! DO YOU HEAR ME, JOHN? DON’T MAKE ME REPORT YOU TO THE ELDERS!
                        JOHN TRAVOLTA
Okay, but I’m still going to miss her and her cookies with the smiley faces…
                        TOM CRUISE
OH YEAH, I loved Leah’s smiley face cookies too…but again, lets try to play this stupid game, John!
(John Travolta jumps up after hearing a beeping noise and John Travolta looks scared)
                        
                        JOHN TRAVOLTA
TOM…DID TOU HEAR THAT…I THINK IT WAS XENU…CHECK UNDER THE BED, TOM!
                        TOM CRUISE
That was the microwave, John, I think the popcorn’s done! Would you like it in your Shrek bowel again?
                     JOHN TRAVOLTA
Does a Psychlo shit in a spaceship? Yeah, I  wouldlove some popcorn in my Shrek bowel! Can I have my Sippy cup too, Tom? I don’t want to make spills again!

(Tom Cruise sighs and heads to the kitchen to get the popcorn and John Travolta jumps up and down with joy)

                       JOHN TRAVOLTA
OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD, PUT IN IT THE SHREK BOWEL! SHREK SCARES AWAY XENU! HEY PAPA TOM! LIKE, WHEN DO WE GET LIGHTSABERS?

(Tom Cruise reenters the room while holding a bowel of popcorn)
                      
                        TOM CRUISE
For the last time John we’re Scientologists, not Jedi!
                       JOHN TRAVOLTA
Oh, no wonder the Jedi’s movies are better! When do we get to inhale the Terrigen Mist and get superpowers?
                       TOM CRUISE
Again, we’re Scientologists, not The Inhumans, John!
                       JOHN TRAVOLTA
BUT I REALLY WANTED TO FIGHT THE FANTASTIC FOUR! So what do Scientologists do anyway?
                         TOM CRUISE
Take money from stupid people for believing in some sci-fi writer’s bullshit!
                     
 JOHN TRAVOLTA
Oh yeah, but we’re not that stupid are we, Papa Tom?
                         TOM CRUISE
NAH! I’M AWESOME! But you…
                    
                     JOHN TRAVOLTA
But I’m what?
                        
                      TOM CRUISE
                            (YELLING)
Nothing…let’s just play some damn Yahtzee already!

                     JOHN TRAVOLTA
I love you Tom!
                     TOM CRUISE
FUCK OFF JOHN!

(John Travolta looks at his watch and then stares at Tom Cruise)
             
                    JOHN TRAVOLTA
Welcome Back, Kotter is on at five o’clock and if we watch it, I get money! OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD!
                                                             
                     TOM CRUISE
Don’t you mean, OH MY L. RON HUBBARD? THERE IS NO GOD! ONLY L. RON HUBBARD!

                                                               
                                                                                                                                                               
                       JOHN TRAVOLTA
I know that! But I only say OH MY GOD a lot because I don’t know many…what do you call them? WORDS! YAHTZEE!
                                                               
                      TOM CRUISE
We’ve haven’t even started playing yet!
                                                               
                      JOHN TRAVOLTA
I know! I JUST LIKE SAYING YAHTZEE! YAHTZEE! OH MY GOD! YAHTZEE! OH MY GOD! YAHTZEE! YAHTZEE! OH MY GOD! Welcome Back, Kotter!
                                                          
                         TOM CRUISE  
                           (SIGHING)
You’re worse than Rain Man!
                                                          
                        JOHN TRAVOLTA
I didn’t see that movie! Was he in the X-Men or something?
                                                              
                          TOM CRUISE
JUST ROLL!
                       (Blackout.)


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