Odin Awakens

Where am I? Who dares awaken me from my endless slumber where I dream my endless dreams? You mortals don’t know who I am? No, I’m not Santa Claus! But Santa is a friend of mine and you will both go on the naughty list for this. I rule the realm of Asgard with an iron fist! Wait, you weak mortals don’t know what Asgard is? I created Asgard with my own two hands, alongside my brothers of course. You still don’t know who I am? Why, I’m Odin! What is this Marvel Comics you speak of? You’re saying that I should probably sue Marvel for copyright infringement and that I would have a pretty good legal case? Yet, you still haven’t answered my question of where I am damn it! What is this Microsoft and the box of X? Wait, you all were trying to make a new Xbox, and it somehow created a rift between realms. Can I return to Asgard now? You want me to tell you how to get to Asgard? Well, it’s high of above Midgard, then I need to cross the bridge called Bifrost and but if I go passed the IHOP on Danga Street I’ve gone too far. Of course, we have IHOP on Asgard because where else would Odin get his pancakes and breakfast samplers from? You’re telling me that you have no idea how to get me home and this Xbox is useless? Ugh, I guess I’m stuck here for a while. What’s that? Jesus Christ! Well, Jesus and L. Ron Hubbard shaved my beard once as a practical joke. Oh, and this is the weirdest shit you’ve heard so far from me today. Which religion is the correct one? Why do you think I would know such a thing? Fine, I’ll just order an Uber, F me!