Steven Bucky Butler’s Two-Liners For Class (IO Class Project)!

Steven Bucky Butler’s Two-Liners For Class!

·      Bill Cosby was found guilty of sexual assault today, but honestly the proof was in the pudding 

·      Richard Roeper of the Chicago Sun Times said it costs less to buy a copy of the newspaper than going out to the movie theater, this coming from a guy who has a press pass.

·      With Disney buying Fox, anti-smoking activists are worried Disney might again put smoking in their movies, yet this is the worst thing that could happen with Disney buying Fox?

·      Parents are suing North Korea over their son’s death, inspired by this story Donald Trump is suing Mexico because they owe him a wall.

·      Women are filing suit against an Orland Park restaurant that forced them to wear bikinis and lingerie, these women know they’re working for Twin Peaks right?

·      Trump’s VA choice Dr. Ronny Johnson withdrew his nomination, knowing Trump I say his second choice is Hulk Hogan.

·      Rob Schneider is critical of Alec Baldwin’s portrayal of Trump on SNL saying Alec’s a great actor but he’s not a comedian, in SNL’s defense look who’s talking Rob.

·      Donald Trump held a rally in Michigan. He knows he won right? While we lost!

Steven Bucky Butler Opening Monologue (IO Class Project)

Open with Steven Bucky Butler walking down the steps and
taking home base.

                    STEVEN BUCKY BUTLER
          Thanks! Thank you! I’ve always

          wanted to be a part of Saturday
          Night Live and now I’m living it
          right now. Honestly, I always
          wanted a job as writer on Saturday
          Night Live, but hosting is cool, I
          guess. To be here right now is
          awesome and a dream come true. I
          would sing ‘When You Wish Upon A
          Star’, but NBC doesn’t have the
          cash to pay Disney for the rights
          to that song. Now, let me tell you
          a little about myself. I’m 26
          years old. It is hard to believe
          that fact myself since I still sit
          and play with my action figures. I
          have Asperger syndrome which
          explains why I may appear to be an
          asshole sometimes and not know it.
          I love writing and creating
          characters.  I have written and
          published a book called The Lost
          Worlds of Buckstevenson which
          hasn’t sold many copies, hint,
          hint. Making people laugh is
          always a personal mission of mine
          which Funny or Die says I’m 65%
          good at. I still can’t believe I’m
          a real life Uncle Buck, meaning I
          am the uncle to my two sister’s
          kids. What else about me? I took
          classes at Second City or as I
          call it clown college. I’m
          learning how to drive and thank
          God I haven’t run anyone over. I
          have a family that loves me and a
          wonderful dog named Woody. I
          almost had a show on Disney XD
          called Jeff’s Comic Shop, but they
          didn’t pick it up. But hey you can
          see the first episode on YouTube,
          hint hint. I have only made two TV
          appearances before SNL. Once on
          ABC and the other time on WGN. I
          love saying I’m one of WGN’s
          Chicago’s Very Own. I recently
          joined Twitter as Facebook is
          dying. Sorry if it sounds like I’m
          bragging, but honestly I see more
          negatives than positives about
          myself. So as my therapist tells me to do,

          keep track of things you’re
          grateful for. Right now I’m
          grateful to be hosting Saturday
          Night Live and to join a long list
          of people who performed on this
          very stage. I was actually shocked
          to find out that these opening
          monologues are written by the
          writers and not the hosts
          themselves. It makes sense. SNL
          has the most talented writers
          ever. Which as I said before I
          would love a job writing for
          Saturday Night Live. For now I’ll
          just settle with hosting this
          episode. But Lorne Micheals if
          you’re listening, call me.

Lorne Michaels walks out on stage and Steven Bucky Butler
gets excited.

                    STEVEN BUCKY BUTLER
          Oh man it’s Lorne Michaels. The

          man who made all of this possible.
          Mr. Michaels, can I have a writing
          job after I’m done hosting?

                    LORNE MICHAELS
          I read your book. You need to work

          on your spelling.

                    STEVEN BUCKY BUTLER
          Again I’m a writer not an editor.

          So about the job?

                    LORNE MICHAELS
          I’ll think about it. You seem like
          a nice kid. You remind me of Chris

Farley.

                    STEVEN BUCKY BUTLER
          You wouldn’t be the first person

          who’s told me that. Again the job?

                    LORNE MICHAELS
          Just host the show, Bucky.

Lorne Michaels exits the stage and Steven Bucky Butler faces
the audience again.

                    STEVEN BUCKY BUTLER
          That wasn’t a no! Anyway we have a

          great show tonight. Metallica is here. We’ll be

right back.

One Man Gang Opening Monologue (IO Class Project)

Open on the One Man Gang walking down the steps and taking his
place at home base.

                    ONE MAN GANG
          Hooooooooooo! Thank you and

          welcome to Saturday Night Live
          hosted by me! The One Man Gang!
          You’ve seen Hulk Hogan host,
          you’ve seen The Rock host, you’ve
          even seen John Cena host, but you
          have never seen a show hosted by
          the One Man Gang! Hooooooo! Due to
          my size, people think I’m pretty
          scary, but honestly I have good
          heart. This coming from one of the
          biggest heels in the history of
          WWE. Wow, biggest heels in WWE
          history. I still can’t believe I
          get to say that. When I was this
          high, all I wanted to be when I
          grew up was a professional
          wrestler. There are not many
          people who can say that they lived
          their dreams. I wrestled in arenas
          all across the country and even
          around the world. But you know
          what scares me more than any
          opponent I faced in the ring?
          Hosting Saturday Night Live! Find
          it funny a big, scary guy like
          me’s afraid of hosting? Well, they
          asked me to host and being the guy
          I am, of course, I said yes. I am
          always willing to try new things.
          Plus, I’m retired. I don’t have
          much to do other than going to
          WrestleCon every year and sign
          autographs. In fact, I signed a
          few autographs before this show. A
          lot of the boys in the back are
          fans. I respect my fans.

Pete Davidson walks out on stage and the One Man Gang stares
at him.

                    ONE MAN GANG
          Pete! What are you doing

here, punk?

                    PETE DAVIDSON
          I was wondering if I could ask

          you something?

          ONE MAN GANG
Of course you can have my

autograph little boy.

          PETE DAVIDSON
No, I don’t want you’re autograph.

I want to join your gang.

          ONE MAN GANG
You want to join my gang, punk?

Uh, yeah!

PETE DAVIDSON

                    ONE MAN GANG
          My gang only has one member and

          you’re looking at him!

                    PETE DAVIDSON
          Oh, I get it that’s why you’re

          called the One Man Gang.

                    ONE MAN GANG
          That and also this...

One Man Gang slaps Pete Davidson in the face leaving Pete
Davidson rubbing his face.

                    PETE DAVIDSON
          Why the hell did you slap me?

                    ONE MAN GANG
          I’m a punk slapper and you’re a

          punk! Now get off this stage punk!

Pete Davidson exits and the One Man Gang gets in a
fighting stance.

                    ONE MAN GANG
          Pete wasn’t actually a punk, but

          the writers wanted me to slap him
          because he took the last slice of
          pizza in the break room. Little do
          those writer punks know, it was me
          who took the last slice of pizza.
          A big man like me has to eat. Now
          where was I? Years of wrestling
          and taking bumps to the head kind
          of makes you forget things. Oh
          yeah. I don’t like being the bad
          guy, but ,damn, I would not be
          lying if I said it’s fun being
          bad. Again, I lived my childhood
          dream of being a professional
          wrestler. With Hulk Hogan’s help, I traveled

the world and sold out arenas.
Like that son of a bitch needs
more credit. Now, as you can see,
I’m a bit of a rambling man, but
again it’s because I’m nervous. I
have to be tuff.  I am nervous
because I have never done
something like this and Leslie
Jones scares me more than anyone I
faced in the ring. Seriously, she
will kick my butt. I don’t need to
say we have a great show tonight
because I KNOW we have a great
show tonight. Taylor Swift is
here. We’ll be right back!

Open Mic Night Sketch (IO Class Project)

INT-COMEDY CLUB-NIGHT

                   CHRIS REDD
          Hello and welcome to open mic

          night at LOL Theater. I’m your MC
          tonight Chris and we have a lot of
          funny comedians who are slotted to
          perform for you. Let’s begin with
          our first comic of the
          evening....Bill Cosby? What?

Bill Cosby walks onto the stage bringing a chair with him and
once he’s on the stage he sets the chair down and sits in it.

Bill Cosby grabs the microphone as Chris Redd exits the stage.

                     BILL COSBY
          Jell-O pudding, chocolate cake.

          When I used to say that you all
          would go nuts. Now for some reason
          you all turned me into some
          Boogeyman. What happened?

Chris Redd walks back out and Bill Cosby is still sitting in
the chair.

                   CHRIS REDD
          Mr. Cosby. What are you

doing here?

                    BILL COSBY
          Well after this stupid witch hunt

          against me, no club would hire me
          anymore. So I signed up for open
          mic night. You all used to laugh
          at me! Laugh, damn it! I’m funny!

                    CHRIS REDD
          No. I mean aren’t you supposed to

          be in jail right now? You were
          found guilty of sexual assault.

                    BILL COSBY
          You know people used to pay good

          money to see me. You all should be
          happy that I would even be
          performing at this little club
          right now. Jell-O pudding,
          chocolate cake.

                    CHRIS REDD
          Just get off the stage, dude.

          Before a riot starts.

                    BILL COSBY
          Let me finish my act first.

                    CHRIS REDD
          Just get off the...

                    BILL COSBY
          Zippy Do Zippy Dee Da Do! Good
          night everybody and any of you

          ladies out there....

                    CHRIS REDD
          Get the hell off!

Bill Cosby grabs his chair and walks off the stage, Chris Redd
stands on stage.

                    CHRIS REDD
          Our next comic is...oh shit, Louis

          C.K.! What the hell?

Louis C.K. runs up onto the stage and grabs the microphone out
of Chris Redd’s hand.

                    CHRIS REDD
          Gross! You’re hands are covered in

seamen dude.

                    LOUIS C.K.
          Hello, thank you all for coming

          out tonight and...

                    CHRIS REDD
          And you’re just leaving!

                    LOUIS C.K.
          Oh come on! I just got on stage.

          Let me do one joke, man.

                    CHRIS REDD
          Louis, all your jokes were about

          jacking off. I don’t think now is
          the right time for you to do
          comedy.

                    LOUIS C.K.
          That’s not true! Let me look over

my notes.

Louis C.K. pulls out a little notebook and opens it up to look
at it.

                    LOUIS C.K.
          Oh god you’re right. Well I guess

          I’ll go with a classic. A little boy asks his father, is

          god black or white? The father
          says, both son both. The little
          boy asks his father, is god male
          or female? The father says, both
          son both. The boy then asks his
          father, is god Michael Jackson?

                   CHRIS REDD
          Dude, a Michael Jackson joke. How

          disrespectful! You should be
          ashamed.

                      LOUIS C.K.
          Oh, you all just ignore the fact

          Michael Jackson was an alleged
          child molester but you all won’t
          ignore of all the shit I did.

                   CHRIS REDD
          Just get off the stage.

                    LOUIS C.K.
          Fine, I’ll get off the stage but

          this witch hunt has to end. A lot
          of comics are struggling to get
          work.

Louis C.K. walks off the stage and Chris Redd stands center
stage holding the microphone.

                     CHRIS REDD
          Alright our next comic is...TJ

          Miller! Oh hell no! You know what?
          Let’s see who the next comedian
          is...Al Franken! Uh, no he’s not
          our next comic it’s...Aziz Ansari!
          Alright, there has to be a comic
          who’s not a sexual predator.

                    BILL COSBY (O.S.)
          Zippy Do! No! That drink wasn’t

          for you, TJ Miller, you dumbass.
          Oh geez, now he’s passed out on
          the floor. Oh well, take what you
          can get I guess.

                   CHRIS REDD
          Sigh! Live from New York it’s

          Saturday Night!

Action Figure Debate Quickie 6

Action Figure Debate Quickie 4

Action Figure Debate Quickie 5

Action Figure Debate Quickie 7