Sunday, May 27, 2018

Steven Bucky Butler Opening Monologue (IO Class Project)

Open with Steven Bucky Butler walking down the steps and
taking home base.
                    STEVEN BUCKY BUTLER
          Thanks! Thank you! I’ve always
          wanted to be a part of Saturday
          Night Live and now I’m living it
          right now. Honestly, I always
          wanted a job as writer on Saturday
          Night Live, but hosting is cool, I
          guess. To be here right now is
          awesome and a dream come true. I
          would sing ‘When You Wish Upon A
          Star’, but NBC doesn’t have the
          cash to pay Disney for the rights
          to that song. Now, let me tell you
          a little about myself. I’m 26
          years old. It is hard to believe
          that fact myself since I still sit
          and play with my action figures. I
          have Asperger syndrome which
          explains why I may appear to be an
          asshole sometimes and not know it.
          I love writing and creating
          characters.  I have written and
          published a book called The Lost
          Worlds of Buckstevenson which
          hasn’t sold many copies, hint,
          hint. Making people laugh is
          always a personal mission of mine
          which Funny or Die says I’m 65%
          good at. I still can’t believe I’m
          a real life Uncle Buck, meaning I
          am the uncle to my two sister’s
          kids. What else about me? I took
          classes at Second City or as I
          call it clown college. I’m
          learning how to drive and thank
          God I haven’t run anyone over. I
          have a family that loves me and a
          wonderful dog named Woody. I
          almost had a show on Disney XD
          called Jeff’s Comic Shop, but they
          didn’t pick it up. But hey you can
          see the first episode on YouTube,
          hint hint. I have only made two TV
          appearances before SNL. Once on
          ABC and the other time on WGN. I
          love saying I’m one of WGN’s
          Chicago’s Very Own. I recently
          joined Twitter as Facebook is
          dying. Sorry if it sounds like I’m
          bragging, but honestly I see more
          negatives than positives about
          myself. So as my therapist tells me to do,
          keep track of things you’re
          grateful for. Right now I’m
          grateful to be hosting Saturday
          Night Live and to join a long list
          of people who performed on this
          very stage. I was actually shocked
          to find out that these opening
          monologues are written by the
          writers and not the hosts
          themselves. It makes sense. SNL
          has the most talented writers
          ever. Which as I said before I
          would love a job writing for
          Saturday Night Live. For now I’ll
          just settle with hosting this
          episode. But Lorne Micheals if
          you’re listening, call me.
Lorne Michaels walks out on stage and Steven Bucky Butler
gets excited.
                    STEVEN BUCKY BUTLER
          Oh man it’s Lorne Michaels. The
          man who made all of this possible.
          Mr. Michaels, can I have a writing
          job after I’m done hosting?
                    LORNE MICHAELS
          I read your book. You need to work
          on your spelling.
                    STEVEN BUCKY BUTLER
          Again I’m a writer not an editor.
          So about the job?
                    LORNE MICHAELS
          I’ll think about it. You seem like
          a nice kid. You remind me of Chris
Farley.
                    STEVEN BUCKY BUTLER
          You wouldn’t be the first person
          who’s told me that. Again the job?
                    LORNE MICHAELS
          Just host the show, Bucky.
Lorne Michaels exits the stage and Steven Bucky Butler faces
the audience again.
                    STEVEN BUCKY BUTLER
          That wasn’t a no! Anyway we have a
          great show tonight. Metallica is here. We’ll be
right back.

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