INT-COMEDY CLUB-NIGHT
CHRIS REDD
Hello and welcome to open mic
night at LOL Theater. I’m your MC
tonight Chris and we have a lot of
funny comedians who are slotted to
perform for you. Let’s begin with
our first comic of the
evening....Bill Cosby? What?
Bill Cosby walks onto the stage bringing a chair with him and
once he’s on the stage he sets the chair down and sits in it.
Bill Cosby grabs the microphone as Chris Redd exits the stage.
BILL COSBY
Jell-O pudding, chocolate cake.
When I used to say that you all
would go nuts. Now for some reason
you all turned me into some
Boogeyman. What happened?
Chris Redd walks back out and Bill Cosby is still sitting in
the chair.
CHRIS REDD
Mr. Cosby. What are you
doing here?
BILL COSBY
Well after this stupid witch hunt
against me, no club would hire me
anymore. So I signed up for open
mic night. You all used to laugh
at me! Laugh, damn it! I’m funny!
CHRIS REDD
No. I mean aren’t you supposed to
be in jail right now? You were
found guilty of sexual assault.
BILL COSBY
You know people used to pay good
money to see me. You all should be
happy that I would even be
performing at this little club
right now. Jell-O pudding,
chocolate cake.
CHRIS REDD
Just get off the stage, dude.
Before a riot starts.
BILL COSBY
Let me finish my act first.
CHRIS REDD
Just get off the...
BILL COSBY
Zippy Do Zippy Dee Da Do! Good
night everybody and any of you
ladies out there....
CHRIS REDD
Get the hell off!
Bill Cosby grabs his chair and walks off the stage, Chris Redd
stands on stage.
CHRIS REDD
Our next comic is...oh shit, Louis
C.K.! What the hell?
Louis C.K. runs up onto the stage and grabs the microphone out
of Chris Redd’s hand.
CHRIS REDD
Gross! You’re hands are covered in
seamen dude.
LOUIS C.K.
Hello, thank you all for coming
out tonight and...
CHRIS REDD
And you’re just leaving!
LOUIS C.K.
Oh come on! I just got on stage.
Let me do one joke, man.
CHRIS REDD
Louis, all your jokes were about
jacking off. I don’t think now is
the right time for you to do
comedy.
LOUIS C.K.
That’s not true! Let me look over
my notes.
Louis C.K. pulls out a little notebook and opens it up to look
at it.
LOUIS C.K.
Oh god you’re right. Well I guess
I’ll go with a classic. A little boy asks his father, is
god black or white? The father
says, both son both. The little
boy asks his father, is god male
or female? The father says, both
son both. The boy then asks his
father, is god Michael Jackson?
CHRIS REDD
Dude, a Michael Jackson joke. How
disrespectful! You should be
ashamed.
LOUIS C.K.
Oh, you all just ignore the fact
Michael Jackson was an alleged
child molester but you all won’t
ignore of all the shit I did.
CHRIS REDD
Just get off the stage.
LOUIS C.K.
Fine, I’ll get off the stage but
this witch hunt has to end. A lot
of comics are struggling to get
work.
Louis C.K. walks off the stage and Chris Redd stands center
stage holding the microphone.
CHRIS REDD
Alright our next comic is...TJ
Miller! Oh hell no! You know what?
Let’s see who the next comedian
is...Al Franken! Uh, no he’s not
our next comic it’s...Aziz Ansari!
Alright, there has to be a comic
who’s not a sexual predator.
BILL COSBY (O.S.)
Zippy Do! No! That drink wasn’t
for you, TJ Miller, you dumbass.
Oh geez, now he’s passed out on
the floor. Oh well, take what you
can get I guess.
CHRIS REDD
Sigh! Live from New York it’s
Saturday Night!
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