Monday, April 4, 2016

Kayfabe (Second City Class Sketch)!

(In a locker room after a wrestling event, Ken Powers and Russian Rich are taking off their wrestling costumes)

                    KEN POWERS
You were great today, Rich. Hey, could you go a little easy next time? I think you knocked out one of my teeth today!

                    RUSSIAN RICH
Oh my god! I’m so sorry! Do I need to pay for your dental bills or…

(The Masked Dancer dances while he enters the locker room and The Masked Dancer just won’t stop dancing)

                     KEN POWERS
Hey Stan, you were great today! Really made the crowd happy!

                   THE MASKED DANCER
                        (WHILE DANCING)
Who is this Stan! I am the wonderful MASKED DANCER! The Latin Lover! The Romeo of the Ring! The…

                     KEN POWERS
Okay Stan! The shows over you can break character now! You’re among friends!

                    THE MASKED DANCER
                        (WHILE DANCING)
You are indeed an ally in the ring Champion Ken Powers, but you Russian Rich are an evil man!

                      KEN POWERS
Russian Rich isn’t evil, Stan. He just pretends to be the bad guy, remember? Plus, Rich isn’t really from Russia.
                     RUSSIAN RICH
Yeah, I’m from Ohio!

                   THE MASKED DANCER
                         (WHILE DANCING)
What happened to your Russian accent Russian Rich? Are you hiding something from The Masked Dancer?

                     RUSSIAN RICH
Dude, I just said I’m from Ohio and…

(The Masked Dancer rushes and grabs Russian Rich and puts him in a chokehold)

                   THE MASKED DANCER
                       (WHILE HOLDING RUSSIAN RICH IN A CHOKEHOLD)
Tap out you son of a bitch! And surrender! FOR AMERICA!

                    RUSSIAN RICH
                       (WHILE BEING CHOKED)
Ken, get him off me!

(Ken Powers tapped The Masked Dancer on the shoulder while The Masked Dancer lets go of Russian Rich who then passes out)

                     THE MASKED DANCER
                           (WHILE DANCING)
Ken, I just defeated Russian Rich. Now I shall go on to face the champion, which is you! Now…

                       KEN POWERS
Look I’ll talk to the writers to see if they’ll give you the championship but Stan…

                     THE MASKED DANCER
                        (WHILE DANCING)
MY NAME IS NOT STAN! I AM…THE MASKED DANCER!

(The Masked Dancer continues dancing while Russian Rich slowly gets up)

                       RUSSIAN RICH
What’s wrong with Stan? Did he get a concussion or something tonight? I knew Smasher Dasher was hard on him!

                  KEN POWERS
No Rich, I think I know what’s going on. Hey, The Masked Dancer, could we talk?

                 THE MASKED DANCER
                     (WHILE DANCING)
Fine, okay!

(The Masked Dancer stops dancing and he, Ken Powers, and Russian Rich sit down on the bench)

                   THE MASKED DANCER
All right, you have 5 minutes, and then I must return to my dancing! I must defeat Russian Rich in the dance off next week, so I have to keep practicing!

                     RUSSIAN RICH
Oh, the dance off is next week already! Can’t wait to lose to ya buddy!

                   THE MASKED DANCER
What do you mean lose to me? Are you going to lose on purpose?

                   RUSSIAN RICH
Well that’s what the script said! Stan, is there a rewrite I missed or something? Did the writers change the outcome?

                 THE MASKED DANCER
                       (YELLING)
What are you talking about mad Russian?

                   KEN POWERS
The Masked Dancer, listen to me. You’re not really The Masked Dancer. You’re name is Stan Jose and you have a life outside of the ring! Like I do!

                 THE MASKED DANCER
What are you talking about, Ken!

                  KEN POWERS
Look buddy, you have to get out of your costume! It’s late! Go home! My wife is probably wondering where I am!

                   THE MASKED DANCER
You don’t have a wife Ken Powers? You have a girlfriend named Super Sarah and Russian Rich is cheating on her behind your back and…oh sorry, Ken! Don’t hurt me!
                   KEN POWERS
Super Sarah is just an actress, my wife is named Jean and I have three beautiful children! What about your wife, Stan?

                 THE MASKED DANCER
My wife! I HAVE NO WIFE! FOR I AM THE MASKED DANCER!

(The Masked Dancer jumps off the bench and begins dancing like crazy)

                  KEN POWERS
Well, just live in fantasyland Stan! Have fun dancing in the locker room alone! I have to go home! My family needs me!

(Ken Powers exits the scene while The Masked Dancer continues dancing)

                  RUSSIAN RICH
I have to go too! My dog needs to go to the bathroom! Anyway I’ll tell Lenny you’re staying late again Stan!

                 THE MASKED DANCER
                       (WHILE DANCING)
Again my name is not Stan! FOR I AM THE MASKED DANCER!

                   RUSSIAN RICH
Okay, hope you come back to reality soon, Stan! Tell your wife Wanda I say hi! Oh right…you’re still in character! Sorry, I’ll just go! Happy Birthday Stan! I almost forgot today was your birthday! Well, hope you had a good one! LATER!

(Russian Rich exits the scene and The Masked Dancer slowly begins to stop dancing)

                  THE MASKED DANCER
                        (SINGING)
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME! I’m 40 years old and I’m too old to wrestle! Stan has to retire today…but The Masked Dancer is immortal!

(The Masked Dancer begins to dance again and after dancing for a few minutes, he breaks his leg and begins to cry in pain)

                  (Blackout.)

                               

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