Bar Closer (Second City Class Sketch)!

(Mike is on his knees begging Fairy Kind to give him his lucky charm)

                   MIKE

                     (BEGGING)

I just finished performing in the show, my courage juice has worn off, can you please give me my lucky charm, now?

                 FAIRY KIND

Oh young Michael! You had the courage you needed all along!

                  MIKE

What are you talking about?

                 FAIRY KIND

You performed wonderfully tonight, and that magic courage juice was just apple juice. Don’t you see, you had the courage to perform all along! No lucky charm or courage juice needed!

                  MIKE

Oh, I guess that’s cool.

(Mike sighs and puts his hands in his pockets and feels something inside one of his pockets)

                   MIKE

Wait, I feel something in my pocket!

(Mike finds a trading card in his pocket and pulls it out, it’s his lucky charm, and he begins to dance with glee while waving the trading card in his hand)

               

                MIKE

                  (WHILE DANCING WITH JOY)

I found my lucky charm. My lucky Kevin Lynch trading card! It was in my pocket the whole time! No wonder I kicked ass on stage tonight!

                FAIRY KIND

Oh, I guess you really haven’t learned a damn thing young Michael! I guess I better return back to the land of fairies! Come on Fairy Nice.  It is time to go home!

(Fairy Kind exits the scene while Fairy Nice follows behind her)

(Wendy enters while Mike is still dancing)

                WENDY

Well Mike, great job, I guess that lucky charm works after all! I don’t get why a Kevin Lynch trading card is so lucky, but whatever! Let me buy you a drink. Where’s Bob?

(John enters with a hangover and he’s moaning in pain)

                 JOHN

                   (IN PAIN)

Oh shit, my head hurts! What happened! All I can remember is that the show went great and I had sex with the chick with the huge knockers!

                WENDY

What chick with the huge knockers?

(Bob the Bartender reenters very sexually and he gives a little kiss to John)

              BOB THE BARTENDER

You were just wonderful, handsome!

(Bob the Bartender hugs John and John is beginning to freak out)

                 JOHN

                   (CRYING)

Oh fuck!

(Bob the Bartender releases the hug from John and John slumps to the ground)

                 WENDY

That’s our John!

(Everyone laughs except John, who is still in a heap on the floor, and begins to dance until the lights fade out)

                 (Blackout.)