Wednesday, January 6, 2021
Ice Cream FanBoy (Flashpoint Class Project)
EXT. SUBURBAN TOWN-DAY
An ice cream truck is driving down the street and the truck is playing “The Entertainer” by Scott Joplin as it drives around looking for customers.
INT. BASEMENT-DAY
GABE (An overweight young man) is playing video games alone at home on hot summer day when he hears the ice cream truck song playing.
Gabe smells the ice cream and pauses his game.
GABE
Ice Cream Man?
Gabe jumps off the couch and runs upstairs.
EXT. SUBURBAN TOWN-DAY
The ice cream truck drives past Gabe’s house but Gabe spots the ice cream truck and starts to chase it. While Gabe is chasing the ice cream truck “The Entertainer” by Scott Joplin is playing in the background.
GABE
Ice Cream Man!
The ice cream truck driver named LARRY (a middle aged man) looks terrified seeing Gabe chasing behind him and drives faster.
GABE
Ice Cream Man!
Larry drives even faster to avoid Gabe only for Gabe to jump right in front of the ice cream truck. Gabe gets hit by the ice cream truck. Larry stops the truck after hitting Gabe.
Larry steps out of his ice cream truck and checks on Gabe.
LARRY
Dude, are you okay?
Gabe raises one finger and coughs blood.
GABE
One SpongeBob Popsicle please.
Larry heads back to the truck to look for the SpongeBob Popsicle only to have none.
LARRY
We’re all out.
Gabe grins and coughs a little. Larry looks scared.
GABE
Drumstick instead?
Larry goes back to his truck and grabs a drumstick. Larry places the drumstick next to Gabe.
LARRY
Ten dollars, please.
Gabe reaches into his pocket and pulls out a $20 bill.
GABE
All I have is $20. Can you give me change?
LARRY
Do you need me to take you to a hospital?
Gabe slowly gets up and picks up his drumstick. Larry looks shocked as Gabe hands Larry the $20.
GABE
Thank you.
Gabe limps back home and Larry sighs. Larry gets back into the ice cream truck. Larry backs out only to hit Gabe again.
LARRY
Damn it.
EXT. GRAVEYARD-DAY
Gabe’s funeral is happening and Larry is in attendance. Gabe’s mother is sobbing and after the funeral is over, Larry places a SpongeBob Popsicle on Gabe’s grave.
LARRY
Here ya go buddy, you’ve earned this.
Larry does the sign of the cross and leaves. A squirrel walks over and takes the SpongeBob Popsicle away from Gabe’s grave.
GABE (O.S.)
Damn it.
EXT. HEAVEN-DAY
Gabe now an angel looking down on Earth is sobbing. Another angel walks over to comfort Gabe.
ANGEL
You know Gabe. We have all the ice cream you can eat in heaven right here.
GABE
Even SpongeBob Popsicles?
ANGEL
Nah, except we don’t have those. We do have Spider-Man Popsicles though.
GABE
Damn it. This truly is hell.
HITLER (Based on his real life counterpart) walks in and Gabe is sobbing while the Angel stares at Hitler.
HITLER
Is it cool for me to come out?
ANGEL
Yeah Hitler, he figured out this is hell. Damn Viacom and their licensing fees!
END
Newsreel (Flashpoint Class Project)
INT. BEDROOM-DAY
WILLIAM RANDOLPH HEARST (Loosely based on his real life counterpart) and BUSTER KEATON (Loosely based on his real life counterpart) are in a small bedroom together with a film crew filming behind them.
WILLIAM
Hello, I’m William Randolph Hearst.
BUSTER
I’m Buster Keaton.
WILLIAM
And welcome to our Super Awesome Newsreel!
BUSTER
The 25th newsreel we filmed today.
WILLIAM
Yes, and be sure to tell the man at the ticket booth at your local nickelodeon you liked us, subscribe to my newspapers and mail us a thumbs up to say you liked our newsreel for a second time.
Buster holds up a picture of a thumbs up and William claps.
BUSTER
We got our first thumbs up right here and please give us some more. William lets make duck lips.
William and Buster make duck lips and the cameraman keeps rolling the old-timey film camera as Buster then starts playing with a ball in a cup trying to get the ball into the cup but failing. William looks annoyed at Buster.
WILLIAM
Buster, what are Earth are you doing?
BUSTER
I’m playing this wonderful game catch the ball in the cup and...
WILLIAM
But why are you doing it?
BUSTER
This is a let’s play for a Piece-Of-Pie!
WILLIAM
Buster! This is not a let’s play newsreel this is a news, newsreel.
BUSTER
Sorry Mr. Hearst. Can we share pictures of cats?
WILLIAM
Yes, it wouldn’t be a newsreel without pictures of cats, now would it.
Buster pulls out a bunch of pictures of cats and shows them to the viewers. William is laughing madly.
WILLIAM
Look at all those cute kitties. This is what newsreels were made for. Please tell your local nickelodeon ticket booth vender you like this.
CUT TO.
INT. MOVIE THEATER-DAY
BILL (an overweight man) walks up to a popcorn vender.
BILL
I don’t like the newsreel. Too many cats.
POPCORN VENDER
Why are you telling me?
BILL
Because the two men on the big screen said so.
POPCORN VENDER
Oh, you want the ticket taker. He’s over there.
BILL
Thanks.
POPCORN VENDER
Be sure to follow my newsletter. Will you give it a like?
BILL
Fuck off!
Bill leaves and the Popcorn Vender sighs as he slowly pulls up a thick newsletter.
CUT TO.
INT. BEDROOM-DAY
William and Buster laugh as a postman comes and hands Buster a letter.
The postman leaves and Buster reads the letter.
WILLIAM
Is this our first comment on the newsreel?
BUSTER
My god these Norwegian trolls are awful with their potty mouths. I challenge them to fisty cuffs.
Buster gets up and starts boxing. William coughs and pulls out a newspaper.
WILLIAM
Speaking of champions, what do you think of our new wrestling heavyweight champion Frank Gotch? I mean defeating the undefeated Georg Hackenschmidt for the title is such a feat that I heard he secretly has been using fox blood to make him stronger!
BUSTER
Using fox blood? Isn’t that against the rules? I bet wrestling is going to have a huge fox blood scandal where there’ll be hearings before congress and…
WILLIAM
Don’t worry, Buster, if these new rumors of wrestling being fake are true I’m sure everything will be just fine. Wrestling will always be a sport where men eject fox blood into themselves to become Greek gods. If you do it in any other sport, you would basically be considered a monster! Speaking of gods, what do you think of these rumors going around of comedian Fatty Arbuckle raping a woman?
BUSTER
Dear God, I hope it’s not true, but of course Fatty Arbuckle is denying these allegations. He lost his studio contract due to these rumors. Personally, I believe he’s innocent because he’s a friend of mine and he discovered me. So, in no way, do I think he could be such a monster! Us too!
WILLIAM
Yes, phone number sign Us Too movement begins now, Buster. We’re starting it here.
BUSTER
Us too, we white men have pride in our actions. Like can you imagine someday in the future a black man as president or something foolish like that.
WILLIAM
I think what you’re describing is fairy tale. Speaking of presidents, what do you think of our new president, Calvin Coolidge?
BUSTER
Too soon, William, I mean poor Warren G. Harding just died and no one really thought Calvin Coolidge would be president. I mean, really, the man’s in favor of civil rights for African-Americans. I bet during Calvin’s term the Ku Klux Klan will overthrow him and we will have a great all white America once again! Again phone number sign Us Too!
WILLIAM
Oh, sorry to interrupt your rant, Buster, but I have to ask our viewers to subscribe…to “The San Francisco Examiner” which not only am I the owner of, but is just as good as this newsreel! Now in other news…
MARION (O.S.)
Hey guys, can I come in?
BUSTER
No this is men’s work. Sorry folks that’s just Marion Byron, she always bugs us while we’re filming our newsreels! Anyway William, what did you think of the new amazing cartoon “Steamboat Willie”?
While William Randolph Hearst is talking MARION BYRON (Loosely based on her real life counterpart) enters the room and begins dancing behind Buster Keaton and William Randolph Hearst.
WILLIAM
After watching “Steamboat Willie” I can now say officially that Walt Disney is indeed a warlock, because a cartoon that has sound in it is truly the work of the devil and…
William Randolph Hearst pauses then turns around and stares at Marion Byron.
WILLIAM
Are you seriously dancing right now, Marion?
MARION
Yeah, I think that dancing newsreels will be really popular and get so many views at the local theater!
BUSTER
Oh yeah, well your stupid makeup and hair tutorials newsreels haven’t got as many views as our newsreels! Like your newsreels are only in two theaters anyway!
MARION
Really Buster, do you think people would really watch a newsreel of somebody playing with a ball in a cup for 15 minutes…boring!
WILLIAM
Oh yeah, at least we’re funny! Women will never be funny on newsreels!
MARION
Fart.
Buster Keaton begins to laugh insanely and William Randolph Hearst sighs then looks at his watch.
WILLIAM
Well, it looks like we’re out of time! But look at your theater’s show times to see our previous newsreels. Next week, we’ll have guest host comedian, Ed Wynn, and as usual we’ll end this week’s newsreel with me kicking Buster Keaton in the nuts. Because, well, apparently people really like to watch newsreels of people getting kicked in the nuts!
William Randolph Hearst stands up and Buster Keaton stands up in fear.
BUSTER
Oh, come on, William, do you really have to kick me in the nuts again? Are getting views really that important?
WILLIAM
Yes, goodbye everybody!
William Randolph Hearst was about to kick Buster Keaton in the nuts when Marion Byron interrupts and begins to sing.
MARION
What did the fox say?
Marion Byron is singing “What Did The Fox Say” while suddenly out of nowhere William Randolph Hearst and Buster Keaton begin dancing in the background.
WILLIAM
Jolly fun!
BUSTER
Hip hip hooray!
MARION
Fart!
William, Buster and Marion continue to dance as the film crew around them look confused.
FILM CREW MEMBER #1
Is someone going say cut?
FILM CREW MEMBER #2
Nah, I think when this is over they’re going to throw this newsreel into a live stream of water with beavers eating it after.
FILM CREW MEMBER #1
What?
END
Hunter of the Night Short Film Script (Flashpoint Class Project)
EXT. EUROPEAN VILLAGE-DAY
SFX: Church Bells Ringing
A busy but small European village is full of activity in the morning. We see a crowd of people heading into a church.
INT. CATHOLIC CHURCH-DAY
PETER (a gruff older male priest) is welcoming people into the church for Sunday mass.
MONTAGE OF PETER’S DAY
During the montage the song “Religious Man” by Mr. Loco is playing in the background.
--Peter wakes up and his dog a miniature Schnauzer named SCOUT snoozes away as we see Peter get dressed.
--Peter prepares a small breakfast for himself.
--Peter rings the church bells in the morning after he eats breakfast.
--Peter does a little prayer and Scout appears wanting to go on a walk.
--Peter walks Scout around the village passing by locals.
--Peter and Scout eat bread at a local bakery and then Peter checks his pocket watch.
--After seeing the time on his pocket watch, Peter rushes back to the church.
END MONTAGE/Back with Peter greeting people at the church and Scout holding a donation bin in his mouth collecting donations.
PETER (V.O.)
My name is Peter. By day I’m a priest...
CUT TO.
EXT. VILLAGE STREETS-NIGHT
Peter running through the streets alongside Scout and together they are chasing a demon. Peter is holding a crossbow.
PETER (V.O.)
By night, I protect my village from evil. I’m a hunter with a cause.
MONTAGE OF PETER HUNTING DEMONS
During the montage the song “The Call of Ktulu” by the band Metallica is playing in the background.
--Peter and Scout are hunting demons together at night.
--Peter starts to shoot a bunch of demons with his crossbow.
--Peter traps a demon into a corner and kills it.
--Peter throws a bottle of holy water at a demon and the demon explodes.
--Peter looks around and his stomach growls. Peter pulls out a piece of beard to eat. A demon tries to attack Peter but Peter shoots it.
END MONTAGE/Peter sits on a rooftop with Scout while reading a bible.
EXT. VILLAGE STREETS-NIGHT
PETER (V.O.)
I am on a holy war. Every night my village is infested with demons. I hunt them.
SFX: Woman screams
Scout reacts first and barks to signal Peter. Peter hears the sound of the woman screaming to and jumps off the rooftop.
Peter and Scout run through the empty streets to try and find the woman in danger.
EXT. ALLEYWAY-NIGHT
Four demons corner a young woman and Peter’s eyes turn bright red. Peter shoots the young woman and laughs. The young woman slowly transforms into a demon.
PETER
You couldn’t fool me that easily, fellas. Now where’s your leader?
The demons start walking towards Peter and Scout who are both in a fighting stance.
DEMON #1
Foolish, half breed. Whose side on you on?
Peter laughs then shoots all four demons at a rapid pace.
PETER (V.O.)
I forgot to mention that I’m a half breed. I’m half human and half demon. Weird, I’m taking part in a holy war.
One of the demons tries to crawl away only for Peter to grab it and pick it up.
PETER
Where’s the Star Demon?
The demons disappear in a cloud of black smoke and the demon Peter is holding disappears at the same time. Peter exits the alleyway and returns to the streets.
EXT. VILLAGE STREETS-NIGHT
Peter and Scout are walking in the streets looking for demons. But the streets are empty.
PETER (V.O.)
The Star Demon. The second only to Satan himself. My greatest rival. He raped my mother. For that he must die.
SFX: Evil Laughing
Peter spots THE STAR DEMON (A blue skinned demon with a star across his eye) standing at the end of the street. Scout starts barking at The Star Demon while Peter rushes over towards him.
Peter and The Star Demon fight an epic battle in the streets. Peter shoots The Star Demon with his crossbow and wounds him.
Peter faces over The Star Demon and his eyes burn even redder in anger. The Star Demon start pleading for his life.
THE STAR DEMON
Peter, why would you kill me? I gave you the gift of life!
Peter shoots The Star Demon in the face and kills him. Scout starts celebrating as Peter touches The Star Demons dead body. Peter does a prayer and throws holy water on The Star Demon’s dead body.
After Peter sprinkles holy water on The Star Demon, his body fades away in a cloud of smoke.
Peter does one more prayer and then Peter checks his pocket watch.
EXT. VILLAGE STREETS-DAY
The sun raises and Peter puts his pocket watch away. Peter takes off his hat to reveal a pair of small horns as he itches his head. Peter puts the hat back on his head and Peter walks back to the church with Scout following behind him.
SFX: Church Bells Ringing
PETER (V.O.)
You may think after killing my rival and father The Star Demon, my battle would be over right? No, this is a never ending battle. Like the battle between good and evil itself, my hunt has only just began.
END
All Hail The King (Flashpoint Class Project)
EXT. CASTLE GROUNDS-DAY
An overweight king stands on a stage as a crowd cheers “All Hail the King
People are celebrating and cheering “all hail the king” but one guy named STAN, a thin young man, starts to cough a little.
The people all turn around to notice Stan isn’t celebrating with them. The King looking annoyed stares at Stan in the crowd.
KING
Young man, why aren’t you celebrating?
Stan looks back at the king awkwardly and coughs again.
STAN
Sorry, I have a little plague cough. But in all honesty, why are we celebrating right now?
The crowd begins to stare at Stan as The King looks confused.
STAN
I mean, our king kind of sucks. So why do we like this guy again?
The King looks visibly angry as the crowd looks scared. But Stan slowly walks closer to the stage.
STAN
I mean, why do we say all hail the king? Why do we even have a king?
KING
That’s the way it has always been young man.
STAN
Guys, I mean, our king killed a lot of people for stupid reasons like my sister, and Frank, he killed your son Mike, right?
Frank makes a gesture like “don’t look at me” as Stan gets deeper into the crowd.
STAN
You know who else people hailed, Hitler. He wasn’t a great guy too.
The crowd starts to gather their touches and pitchforks as Stan sighs.
STAN
Why do we need a monarchy anyway, we should have a democracy instead and...you’re all going to kill me now, aren’t you?
KING
Get him!
The crowd starts to attack Stan as The King starts to dance. Off in the distance we see GEORGE WASHINGTON, based on the real historical figure, emerging from off screen.
GEORGE
Hello, I’m George Washington and this is exactly why in America we have no kings and...
DONALD TRUMP, based on the real person, enters Tweeting on his phone next to George Washington.
GEORGE
Excuse me, who are you?
DONALD
President Trump, quiet Grandma, I’m tweeting.
GEORGE
Like a bird? And you said you were president of where?
DONALD
America, duh. The election is rigged. Fake news.
GEORGE
I have no idea what that means, but seriously, you’re the current president?
DONALD
Yep. The election is rigged. Fake news.
GEORGE
Who was the president before you?
DONALD
Some black guy who pissed me off.
GEORGE
Black guy, you don’t mean...oh god! Oh lord what happened to my vision.
DONALD
And people think I’m racist.
GEORGE
Shut up! Whether it be a monarchy or a democracy, we’re screwed apparently.
DONALD
I’m tweeting that you’re a loser.
GEORGE
Go ahead, I have to fix up this mess.
DONALD
I thought that was Biden’s job.
GEORGE
Who’s Biden?
DONALD
Oh sleepy Joe, he’s alright I guess and his Vice President Kamala Harris...
GEORGE
Vice President Kamala Harris? What does he do?
DONALD
She’s actually a black woman. About a 7.
GEORGE
Oh fuck no.
DONALD
Again, what’s with this racist stuff Grandma?
STAN (O.S.)
They’re going to cut off my head.
GEORGE
Don’t care! God I’m feeling so many mixed emotions right now.
Stan’s head rolls over towards them and Donald takes a picture of Stan’s head as George sighs.
GEORGE
Damn it all! These were new shoes too.
DONALD
I guess history and government has always been fucked up, huh.
GEORGE
Pretty much and everyone remember to vote.
DONALD
For me!
GEORGE
How do people even like you? Just vote in a democracy because...
DONALD
It’s rigged either way.
GEORGE
Will you just shut up.
END
Princess Xanda (Flashpoint Class Project)
FADE IN.
INT. THEATER-MORNING
BRAD, a sleazy 40-something male talent agent, and TOM, a naive 30-something male talent agent, review headshots and applications of models wishing to join their agency.
BRAD
Man, Tom. Too many models of all sizes have come through this audition so far, but we have yet to find that one diverse client out of all of them!
TOM
We have already hired five new clients from this audition, and one of them is Asian.
Tom pulls out a sandwich and starts to eat. Brad continues to look at the headshots.
BRAD
Right, but they were all thin. I mean we have to find the one plus size client. Let’s see the next audition. Number 46 we’re ready for ya!
Tom continues to eat the sandwich while talking with his mouth full.
TOM
Number 46? Hey Brad I heard she’s a foreign super model from a small island nation.
XANDA, a 20-something plus size female model, walks out and steps onto the stage wearing a bikini, exposing her very hairy chest. Tom spits out his sandwich and lets out a scream.
TOM
Dear God!
Tom pulls out a tiny trash can and vomits while Brad jaw drops. Brad pulls himself together and shakes Tom to calm him down. BRAD
Dude! Tom! Seriously, shut up!
Xanda is standing on the stage with her head titled and coughs.
XANDA
You two seem a bit shocked. Is something wrong?
TOM
She’s so hairy! She’s like a Bigfoot!
Xanda looks at her feet after what Tom says as Tom is trying to calm down.
XANDA
Did he just call me a Bigfoot?
BRAD
No, Miss Xanda, he is just a little shocked by your appearance.
XANDA
I thought you said this audition was being held for models of all sizes?
TOM
We only need one plus size model. We normally hire thin clients, but Brad said hiring one plus size model would be good publicity for the agency.
Brad covers Tom’s mouth with his hand after his finishes talking.
BRAD
Seriously?? Control your blurting, man!
Xanda starts pacing around on the stage looking a little annoyed as Brad and Tom argue a little.
XANDA
Excuse me?
Brad and Tom stop arguing and Brad coughs then stands up.
BRAD
Look, sorry, Miss Xanda. My friend didn’t mean to offend you. We’re good honest people and we don’t need the media backlash, do we, Tom?
Brad taps Tom on the shoulder and Tom panics as he speaks.
TOM
Right! So, ah, tell us about your self, hairy…I mean Xanda!
Xanda grabs a chair and sits down on the stage as Tom and Brad stare at each other in anger.
XANDA
Oh, is that why you had such a strong reaction me? My hairy chest? I forget to mention I’m from a small island nation called Wixtona?
Brad makes a time out sign gesture with his hands.
BRAD
No, we knew you were from Wixtona, but of course, we Americans don’t know much about it. Could you please tell us about your hairy chest?
XANDA
You see in the country of Wixtona, the hairier and fatter the woman is, the more beautiful she is.
After Xanda speaks she pulls out a candy bar and starts to eat. She finishes it quickly. After Xanda finishes the candy bar she burps.
TOM
Oh that place sounds horrible!
Brad knocks Tom on the head again.
BRAD
Dude!
Before Brad can slap Tom again, Tom gulps and fixes his tie.
TOM
I mean that place sounds like a beautiful fairy tale kingdom!
Brad nods his head in agreement as Xanda swings the chair backwards.
XANDA
Well, I know Americans like thinner and less hairy women! Wixtona customs are quite different. I totally understand if I am of no interest to your agency. In Wixtona, I’m considered one of the most beautiful women and my father’s the king so…
Brad stands up to interrupt Xanda before she could finish her line.
BRAD
Wait, you’re royalty? What in the hell are you doing here?
Xanda’s royal bodyguards appear on the stage with her as Brad and Tom look scared.
XANDA
Well, Wixtona’s GDP is about as much as the box office earnings for the movie Jupiter Ascending. We are pretty much a third world country at this point. I need work and being a princess doesn’t pay that much. We’re nothing like the British royal family.
One of the royal bodyguards throws a sword towards Brad and Tom and they jump up with fear. After one of the royal bodyguards threw his sword, Xanda orders them to leave with a shoo hand gesture.
BRAD
Tom, can I talk to you in private for a second?
Brad and Tom spin their chairs around while Xanda looks worried.
BRAD
Dude, we have to hire her! She’s our cash cow!
TOM
Brad I know she’s fat, but even I didn’t call her a cow.
Brad knocks Tom on the head. After being hit in the head, Tom starts to rub his head.
BRAD
No, Tom! Think about it! Brad and Tom’s Modeling Agency hires Princess Xanda of Wixtona! That’ll bring us a shitload of publicity! We have to hire her!
TOM
But Brad, what about her hairy chest?
BRAD
We ask her to get her chest hair waxed! No biggie!
TOM
Totally! Also I don’t want to be murdered by her bodyguards.
Brad and Tom swing their chairs forward. Xanda is on stage as she excitedly awaits to hear an update.
BRAD
Good news, Xanda. We decided to hire you as our new client. You just have to remove your chest hair first.
XANDA
Great! I will remove it right away. Even though I am sad to bring shame to my country’s customs, I could really use the money. Besides, I have always dreamed of being a model.
Tom tilts his head in confusion while Xanda gets up from the chair and dances with joy.
TOM
But, you are a princess. That is like every little girls dream.
Xanda continues to dance in celebration as Tom pulls the sword out of the table.
XANDA
I know, I know, but models get way more attention in America. Being a famous plus size model in America will bring me more power than being a princess of a tiny nation like Wixtona.
Brad gets up from his chair. Xanda’s royal bodyguards are about to rush Brad but Xanda signals to them to not hurt Brad and Tom.
BRAD
So, welcome aboard, Xanda! You’ll love it here in America! Once you sign the contract, you will officially be apart of Brad and Tom’s Modeling Agency!
Brad walks to the stage with the contract for Xanda to sign and as Xanda bends over to grab it, she exposes a huge mole on her upper butt cheek.
Tom jumps up from his chair as Brad’s jaw drops again.
TOM
Holy shit! That mole is huge!
Xanda looks down at her butt and looks back at Brad.
XANDA
Oh? What? My lucky mole? In Wixtona, huge moles mean good luck!
Brad does a facepalm as Tom vomits again into his little trash can.
BRAD
So, I take it you don’t want to get your lucky mole removed, do you?
Xanda chuckles a little as the royal bodyguards pick up Brad and escort him off the stage.
XANDA
No, silly, it brings me good luck!
BRAD
Damn! Okay, I guess since it worked for Cindy Crawford, it’ll work for you!
As the royal bodyguards are escorting Brad off the stage Tom rushes over to Brad.
TOM
But it’s so hairy!
BRAD
Shut up Tom. We’re hiring her. God, the things we do for money.
ROYAL BODYGUARD 1
The things you do for money? We get paid in fruit. That’s all we have on the island of Wixtona.
TOM
So what are you guys going to do with Brad?
The Royal Bodyguards laugh a little as Xanda walks down off the stage.
TOM
Again, answer my question?
ROYAL BODYGUARD 1
We’re going to hold you both hostage for money.
TOM
What!
BRAD
What!
The Royal Bodyguards laugh again and Xanda puts her arm around Tom as he and Brad look scared.
XANDA
They’re kidding, we just need you to pay for lunch. Because we’re broke remember. I’m in the mood for tacos.
The Royal Bodyguards let Brad go as Brad starts to dust himself off.
BRAD
Very funny prank people. I know this great taco place. Follow me and we’ll discuss future gigs.
Brad, Xanda and the royal bodyguards exit as Tom looks confused and grabs the sword that was stuck in their table. Tom looks at the sword and notices the flag of Wixtona on the sword. The flag of Wixtona is a Bear eating tacos.
TOM
They eat tacos in Wixtona? I have to Google the hell out of Wixtona when I get home. Thank god the auditions are over for today. I need a vacation.
END
Tron Fish (Flashpoint Class Project)
FADE IN.
INT. VIRTUAL HOLODECK-MORNING
DIX, a male green skinned robot-like figure wearing a cowboy hat, lays back in his chair and he is asleep. Dix is also snoring.
ZIX, a female pink skinned robot like figure, enters the virtual holodeck and slowly Dix begins to wake up. Dix gets up from his chair.
DIX
You’re the new computer program? My name is Dix. Welcome to the fake profile department.
ZIX
Yes. Hello, I’m Zix. I just got a job as a fake profile. Are you Dix? My supervisor?
Dix reaches out to shake Zix’s hand. Dix and Zix are shaking hands.
DIX
Yeah, you’re going to like being a fake profile. You know what to do, right?
Zix sits down in a chair next to Dix while Dix sits back down. Zix tries to get comfortable in her chair.
ZIX
Well, I was told that we are to trick the users into thinking that we are real people in order to sell them stuff!
Dix and Zix are typing on digital keyboards as images of people appear in computer screens.
DIX
We pretty much do that around here. Pretend to be real people when in reality we’re just computer programs created by the ad companies to sell some shit. You know what else we’re supposed to do here?
ZIX
What else do we do around here?
Dix touches the computer screen which also works as a touch screen and moves around images of people that appear on a computer screen.
DIX
You see all these people? Of course to us, they’re users, but even here in the land of social media they’re all fake profiles.
ZIX
What do you mean they’re all fake profiles? These are real people, not computer programs!
DIX
Right, but here’s an example, let me just pull up a picture from some random girl’s profile. Typing in Stacy Speed…
A ding is heard and Dix shows Zix the results of his search for STACY SPEED, a thin 20-something young woman, Dix takes off his green cowboy hat to start waving it like a fan.
ZIX
Wow, she’s beautiful! Is she like a supermodel or something?
DIX
Oh she’s a supermodel all right. But that’s not the user who runs this profile! Zix, let’s go to school! Ever heard of a catfish?
ZIX
(IN A ROBOTIC LIKE VOICE)
Searching database!
DIX
Let me guess, your database says it’s a kind of fish right?
ZIX
A thousand search results never lie! It’s a kind of freshwater fish!
A actual picture of a catfish appears on the computer screen as Dix laughs.
DIX
Wrong, this user is a different kind of catfish. You see this is a picture she found on a porn website. Her real name isn’t even Stacy Speed. Which come on, totally a fake name!
Zix types on her keyboard as Dix scrolls through more user profiles.
ZIX
So what is her real name?
DIX
Becky Johnson, 5’6, 362 lbs., 44 years old and single!
Zix’s jaw drops as Dix puts his green cowboy hat back on.
ZIX
But this profile says she’s 23 years old and has a boyfriend. So wait, users lie?
DIX
Of course that’s what a catfish or should I say a user fake profile does. Typing in Randy Rad…
A ding is heard and Dix shows the search results of RANDY RAD, a handsome young man, appears on the computer screen.
ZIX
Let me guess, this handsome young man isn’t this handsome young man. Also Randy Rad sounds like a fake user name too!
DIX
You’re catching on pretty quick! Randy Rad’s real name is Paul Jinkins, 6’1, 123 lbs., 86 years old, and married.
ZIX
But, this profile says he’s 25 and single. So is he cheating on his wife?
DIX
That’s right! Cheating on his 82-year-old wife with you!
ZIX
Wait, with me!
Dix begins pulls a up a picture of a hot young blonde girl in a bikini. Zix points at the picture while Dix starts typing.
DIX
Yeah, with you! See don’t you look pretty up there on the screen! I found this picture on Google image search, just a random girl, don’t know her name and that’s who you’ll be pretending to be and your new name is Lisa Jinx!
ZIX
Lisa Jinx?
Dix nods his head yes as advertisements appear on the many computer screens.
DIX
Now, just keep sweet-talking old Paul, I already warmed him up for ya! I’m this close to selling him a pair of $76 sunglasses!
Zix puts her hand on her chest in shock. We see Dix working on a fake profile for Zix on one of the computer screens.
ZIX
Wait, you were pretending to be me?
DIX
Yeah, why did you think there was an opening! Anyway I’m busy trying to sell fat forty Becky a toaster! She just won’t shut up about her freaking cats. Has a boyfriend? My cyber ass!
Zix does a facepalm as Dix is putting toaster advertisements in users’ news feeds.
ZIX
So are these people are actually trying to have a physical relationship with us! What do I do if old Paul wants to have sex with me? I’m a computer program! I literally live inside a computer?
DIX
Oh that’s the best part! Just ask Paul right now to meet up in person, come on I dare ya! But remember to call him Randy Rad!
Zix begins typing and after she’s done she looks sad.
ZIX
He doesn’t want to meet me in person!
DIX
Right! Because he’ll never meet you in person, because he ain’t 25 year old Randy Rad. He’s 86 year old Paul Jinkins!
ZIX
Paul Jinkins?
DIX
Since he thinks you’re real and he doesn’t want to hurt your feelings by telling you he was lying to you this whole time, he’s not going to meet you in person.
ZIX
We were programed for this? Damn you Facebook.
DIX
Boy howdy, old dirty Paul is scared to leave his trailer park. Plus he sucks at pretending be 25 years old. Look at his favorite movies. Come on look at them!
Dix pulls up Randy’s favorite movies and they are all films from the 1950’s or earlier. Zix sighs and gets up from her chair.
DIX
But be warned Zix I haven’t even mentioned this MTV show that catches catfish. They haven’t caught this catfish yet.
ZIX
I can’t do this. I quit. This job is horrible. Lying to nice people just so we can sell them crap. Along with making them more addicted to this fantasy world. Sorry, but I can’t do this!
Zix exits the scene while crying like crazy and Dix begins to giggle as he starts typing a message for Randy.
DIX
Fine, leave Zix. We’ll find another computer program to replace you. I guess you feel sympathy for the users. Now let me think?
Dix continues to type a message for Randy as techno music plays in the background.
DIX
Oh man, I just got a wicked idea. I’ll just send a naked selfie to Paul and ask him to send me one back and…oh wow, old hairy balls. Thanks Paul, bad time to tell me the truth. Just going to steal your credit card information, hope you don’t mind…
Dix starts to steal the credit card information before getting rid of the image of an old man in a thong off the screen.
DIX
Brother Zuck is my lord and savior. Also he’s the freakin devil. I love my work.
We hear a whistle go off and Dix starts to stretch.
DIX
My shift is over. Time for the oh, right.
VIX, a red skinned male robot-like figure, enters and he looks angry. Vix pokes Dix.
DIX
Oh hey Mr. Vix. Sorry another employee left but...
VIX
No buts Dix. This is the fifth computer program to leave this week. We can’t find anymore.
DIX
What about the Russians? They seem to be kicking ass at the catfish fake profile game.
VIX
Quiet, the Russian might be listening to us right now. Oh shit did you hear that?
In the distance we hear the USSR national anthem playing as Vix and Dix shake in fear. As the USSR national anthem gets louder we see that the door of the holodeck is being broken into by someone with an axe. After the holodeck door is broken we see VLADIMIR LENIN, based on the real historical figure of the same name, enters the holodeck.
VLADIMIR
Hello. What are you doing on our turf?
VIX
Nothing Mr. Lenin, we’re on your side.
DIX
Yeah, Vladimir we’re just doing what we were programed to do.
VLADIMIR
Well, when you put it like that...
Vladimir shoots Vix with a gun as Dix cowards in fear.
DIX
You killed my boss.
VLADIMIR
You’re welcome. Now what are you going to do now?
DIX
Don’t go on Russia’s turf.
VLADIMIR
You’re a smart one.
Vladimir shoots Dix and Dix moans in pain.
DIX
What the hell Lenin?
VLADIMIR
What I just love to shoot people. Now remember you interfere with the election. You know what will happen?
DIX
You’ll shoot me again.
VLADIMIR
Good computer program. Also look out for that Nigerian Prince because...
NIGERIAN PRINCE (O.S.)
I have an investment opportunity for you!
Dix and Vladimir look at each other. Dix does a facepalm.
DIX
You just had to open your mouth again Lenin. Now all digital hell has broken loose.
VLADIMIR
Actually I been to hell and it’s a lot nicer than this place.
DIX
Fuck! Wait a minute? You’re the real Vladimir Lenin and not a computer program?
VLADIMIR
Yep.
DIX
How did you end up here?
VLADIMIR
Satan sent me to a place that’s worse than Hell. So here I am.
DIX
Double fuck.
END
Comic Books To The Future (Flashpoint Class Project)
FADE IN.
INT. APARTMENT-DAY
BOB ANDERSON, a male 30-something overweight hippie, is drawing on his drawing board. We see Bob drawing panels for a comic book called “Winged Warriors”.
The panels he’s drawing are of a building on fire and people screaming in fear. On the TV in Bob’s apartment, a news flash appears on the screen and we see a building on fire and people screaming on the news.
Bob pulls out another piece of paper and draws a thunder storm and then it starts to rain outside after he finishes the drawing.
GENE WILLIAMS, a male 50-something businessman, enters Bob’s apartment and he just come out of the rain outside so his clothes are wet. Bob stops drawing for a moment and swings his chair around to greet Gene.
GENE
Morning Bob.
BOB
Oh hey Gene.
GENE
That’s Mr. Williams to you. Are the pages done yet?
BOB
Almost. The latest issue of Winged Warriors will be done by tomorrow.
GENE
I want them done today. Now get to work. Anyway I have to return to the office.
Gene is about to leave but Bob gets up and blocks the door.
BOB
Mr. Williams. Did you lay off artists this week?
Gene sighs and then sits down on Bob’s couch as Bob gets back to his drawing board.
GENE
Again Bob, you’re job is safe but it’s just the comic book industry is in a slump and...
Bob lights up a cigar and continues to draw.
BOB
Just wanted to make sure my job was safe. You’re free to go.
GENE
Thanks for being so understanding. Well, back to the office I go.
BOB
Maybe next time bring an umbrella, Gene. You’re soaked.
GENE
The forecast didn’t say it would rain today but I guess it did. Anyway just finish those pages, Bob.
Gene exits as Bob starts drawing a picture of Gene being picked up by a Winged Warrior Birdman. We look out the window to see Gene being scooped up by a Winged Warrior Birdman as Gene screams in fear. Bob then laughs. Bob starts to draw a picture of a coffee maker and after he finishes the drawing we hear a ding from Bob’s coffee maker.
BOB
That’s for being an asshole Gene.
Bob gets up to get a cup of coffee and then walks back to his drawing board. Bob drinks his coffee and smokes his cigar at the same time. Bob draws a picture of himself with a beautiful female superhero named SWEET JUSTICE, a 20-something blonde female superhero, and Bob gets excited. We soon he a knock on the door after Bob finish drawing his picture. Bob goes to answer the door and its Sweet Justice.
SWEET JUSTICE
Hey sexy man. Want to make out?
Bob lets Sweet Justice in but before they could start making out, a male superhero named CAPTAIN WILD, a male 20-something bodybuilder type with a mohawk, enters by breaking through Bob’s window.
CAPTAIN WILD
Sweet Justice! How could you?
SWEET JUSTICE
Captain Wild, I can explain...
CAPTAIN WILD
Enough! Time for your fat lover to die!
Bob jumps up from the couch and rushes over to his drawing board but before he gets there, Captain Wild destroys Bob’s drawing board.
Captain Wild continues to chase Bob around his apartment when Sweet Justice punches Captain Wild in the face and they start to brawl. Bob during their brawl rushes to get a pen and paper. Bob starts drawing a blue rock and suddenly a blue rock appears in Bob’s hand.
Bob walks over towards Captain Wild and Sweet Justice while pointing the blue rock in front of them. Captain Wild and Sweet Justice stop fighting and start vomiting.
CAPTAIN WILD
Oh no, my only weakness! The Blue Rock of Reza. Please get rid of it so we won’t die.
BOB
Only if you both leave my apartment. Now.
Captain Wild and Sweet Justice teleport away as Bob’s apartment is a mess. Bob sighs and starts to clean up the apartment. After cleaning his apartment to the best of his ability, Bob tries to draw a picture of a pizza but then stops midway through and pulls out a cellphone.
BOB
Nah, I’ll just order a pizza the old fashion way. Today was crazy enough as it is.
Bob grabs a menu from a local pizza place and orders it on his cellphone.
CUT TO.
EXT. MOUNTAIN TOP-DAY
Gene is in a nest that belongs to the Winged Warrior Birdman and he’s shaking in fear. Suddenly before the Winged Warrior Birdman could eat Gene, Captain Wild and Sweet Justice rescue Gene.
GENE
Oh thank God. I’m saved.
Captain Wild throws Gene off the mountain top as Sweet Justice and Winged Warrior Birdman join Captain Wild in flight. As Gene is falling off the mountain, we see a portal appear and Gene falls into it.
CUT TO.
INT. APARTMENT-DAY
Bob is drawing on a coffee table.
BOB
I can’t believe Captain Wild destroyed my only drawing board. It’ll take me forever to afford another one.
Bob grunts and we hear his doorbell rings.
BOB
Pizza’s here.
Bob answers the door but sees Captain Wild, Sweet Justice and Winged Warrior Birdman standing there. The three heroes enter Bob’s apartment as he starts to plea for his life.
Before the superheroes could kill Bob, the pizza delivery man shows up and Captain Wild grabs the pizza box. Captain Wild pays the pizza delivery man as Sweet Justice and Winged Warrior Birdman grab slices of the pizza.
BOB
Are you guys going to kill me?
CAPTAIN WILD
Nah, we’ve forgiven you Bob. We’re just going to take you pizza and go.
BOB
What!
Captain Wild and Sweet Justice fly out the window while eating Bob’s pizza. Winged Warrior Birdman follows behind them holding a bottle of orange soda.
Bob sighs and sits back down at his coffee table. Bob lights up another cigar and begins to draw again.
BOB
Looks like leftovers again.
ANNOUNCER (V.O.)
What will happen next for Bob the comic book artist who can draw into the future? Will Captain Wild and Sweet Justice stay together? Will the Winged Warriors like orange soda? Tune in next week to...
BOB
No! There won’t be a next time. After this is issue I’m retiring from the industry.
ANNOUNCER (V.O.)
But what will you do with your magic pen that gave you your phenomenal powers?
BOB
Hmmm.
Bob pulls out his laptop and pulls up eBay. Bob lists the magical pen for sale on eBay.
CUT TO.
EXT. SUBURBAN HOUSE-DAY
On a door step we see a package being dropped off. LENNY, a teenage nerdy male, picks up the package and starts to open it. Lenny opens it and takes out a pen and original artwork from Bob.
LENNY
Wow Bob Anderson’s pen and original artwork too! I can’t wait to start drawing with this.
Lenny goes back inside and we see hovering in the sky about Lenny’s house Captain Wild and Sweet Justice.
CAPTAIN WILD
Looks like the pen has a new owner.
SWEET JUSTICE
So Captain Wild, when should we make our move?
CAPTAIN WILD
Soon Sweet Justice soon.
ANNOUNCER (V.O.)
Oh the humanity! Young Lenny is doomed! But can he figure the pen’s secret before it’s too late or...
SWEET JUSTICE
I have a strange feeling that Lenny just wants to make out with me.
ANNOUNCER (V.O.)
Ewww, hopefully Lenny won’t do that.
CAPTAIN WILD
Don’t worry, he will. Lenny’s a horny teenager and once he figures out the pen’s power he’ll...
ANNOUNCER (V.O.)
Ewww, just stop it. But what happened to Gene Williams, the editor in chief of Giant Comics?
Captain Wild and Sweet Justice grin.
CUT TO.
EXT. DARK CAVE-NIGHT
Gene walks through the cave being followed by creepy monsters. Gene is visibly scared as he walks.
GENE
At least I didn’t die. Yet.
In the background we hear In The Hall of The Mountain King plays as the creepy monsters start to attack Gene.
Gene screams as the creepy monsters take him further down in the cave as In The Hall of The Mountain King plays louder in the background.
ANNOUCER (V.O.)
Poor Gene. Well this concludes The Adventures of Bob the Artist who can draw into the Future. Even though it was a magical pen that gave Bob his powers. And now Lenny has that pen.
GENE (O.S.)
This is horrible.
ANNOUCER (V.O.)
Oh no! What are those creepy monsters doing to Gene? We’ll never know I guess. And the moral of this story...I honestly don’t know. Good night and have a pleasant tomorrow.
Gene is being forced to dance by the creepy monsters. If Gene stops dancing he is whipped by one of the creepy monsters.
GENE
Please can I stop dancing? My feet are killing me.
The creepy monster continues to whip Gene and Gene continues to dance. Beethoven Symphony Number 9 plays in the background as Gene dances.
END