ACT I
A WWE
wrestling match is going on between two wrestling legends, Hulk Hogan and Harley
Race. They are both inside the ring and Harley Race is holding a chair while
Hulk Hogan is in the corner of the ring.
Harley Race
Come here!
Hulk Hogan
NO!
Harley Race
I’m just
going to hit you with a chair for Christ’s sake! We do it all the time!
Hulk Hogan
NO! It’ll
hurt brother, I’ve been hit too many times! One more bump and my insurance will
go through the roof, brother!
Harley Race
Why do you
call everyone brother? I ain’t your brother!
Hulk Hogan
Because I’ve
always wanted a little brother and so I declared everyone my little brother,
brother!
Harley Race
That doesn’t
make any sense, Look, just let me hit you with the damn chair. The crowds gone silent and Vince is going to
kill us backstage…so be a man, brother!
Hulk Hogan
What did you
call me?
Harley Race
Ah, brother?
Hulk Hogan (crying)
I have a
brother, an actual brother. I thought
this day would never come….give me a hug little hairy guy!
Hulk Hogan runs
over towards Harley Race with his arms wide open ready for a hug. During the middle of the run Harley hits Hulk
with the chair. The crowd goes nuts.
Hulk Hogan (crying)
Why did you
hit me?
Harley Race
Um, we’re in
a match, stupid. This is fake, remember? Now beat me up! The crowds going nuts!
Hulk Hogan
NO! Violence
solves nothing…what would our Mom think brother!
Harley
Race
WE’RE NOT
BROTHERSSSSSS!
Harley Race
begins beating the crap out of Hulk Hogan while Hulk Hogan does nothing.
Hulk Hogan
What are you
doing? Why are you pretending to beat me up? Do you love me or not!
Harley Race
Look I don’t
know how to fight for real okay? Plus for the tenth billionth time, we’re in a
freaking WWE fake wrestling match, you idiot!
Hulk Hogan
kicks Harley Race in the nuts and Harley falls down.
Hulk Hogan
See that how
you hurt someone, little brother!
Harley Race (moaning in pain)
What the
hell! Why did you do that?
Hulk Hogan
You said you
didn’t know how to hurt people in a real fight, your big brother showed you
how!
Harley Race (yelling)
Dude, how
many concussions do you have? We’re in a fake fight, remember? I’m not your
brother and….oh damn just pin me!
Hulk
Hogan
Pin you! You
want to learn how to sew a sweater, little brother!
Harley Race
Where’s the
freaking referee! For god’s sake call the match!
Hulk Hogan
You have to
use my phone little brother! It’s back in the locker room! I’ll go get it!
Harley Race
Don’t leave
dude or he’s going to fire us and the crowds going to be pissed! Well they’re
already pissed and…
Hulk Hogan
What do you
want me to do little brother?
The crowd
begins to boo while Hulk Hogan stands still in the ring while Harley Race
slowly begin to crawl over to finish the match!
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