ACT I
While The
Avengers are in the middle of fighting Doctor Doom in the heart of New York
city, their leader Captain America is waiting at the bus stop to join his team
in battle when all of a sudden another superhero joins him in his mission to
wait for a bus…sadly it is Michelangelo of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles!
Captain America
Oh crap…here
he comes! SAY NOTHING! SAY NOTHING!
Michelangelo
Hey dude! No
waaaay, you’re Captain America, the guy with the shield. I am a big fan bro, big fan! What bus are you
waiting for?
Captain America
Look, I need
to lead my team against Doctor Doom. They
are probably in mortal danger and so is most of the city! GOD, now where is
that damn bus?
Michelangelo
Bro…chill-ax,
it’s no big deal! Your team’s probably kicking ass without you! After all how
are you useful to them anyway?
Captain America
What do you
mean am I useful? I’M THE LEADER! I’M CAPTAIN- FREAKING- AMERICA! You
youngsters need me and…
Michelangelo
falls asleep and Captain America snaps his fingers really fast and Michelangelo
slowly begins to wake up!
Michelangelo (yawning)
Oh, I’m
sorry old man! You think just because you wear a cool costume and hold your
shield, that makes you a leader? Convince me! Why would your team not be able to
stop Doctor Doom without you? I mean The Hulk is way stronger than you and I
think Thor’s a god…who kicks a god’s butt, bro?
Captain America
Finally the
bus is here!
As the bus
slowly begins to drive towards them, a huge robotic dragon picks it up and
flies away with it!
Captain America
WHERE THE
HELL DID THAT ROBOTIC DRAGON COME FROM AND WHY DID IT TAKE MY BUS? DAMN! The
next bus won’t be here for half hour from now! MY POOR TEAM!
Michelangelo
Oh yah…me
and my brothers were fighting that robotic dragon! We should have done
something, bro! Probably, Baxter Stockman built it. I really don’t know why we’re fighting a robot
dragon in this issue, but, hey, Japan and ninjas and stuff, right?
Captain America
SHUT UP! I
don’t care about your adventures! Don’t you get it? We’re needed on the
battlefield and our only way to get to our battles is on a freaking bus that
won’t be here for another half hour! New York City is doomed! DOOMED!
Michelangelo
WAIT! GET
THIS BRO! Maybe Doctor Doom and Baxter Stockman teamed up and our only hope to
stop them is to work together!
Captain America
Oh yeah,
like The Avengers will ever do a crossover with the Teenage Mutant Ninja
Turtles! Like hello! The 80’s! LAME! And I’m from the 40’s, for Christ’s sake
and I still make more money than you and my fan base is…oh I’m sorry do you
even have any fans left?
Michelangelo
That hurts
bro! I could fight Doctor Doom! I could be an Avenger if I wanted to!
Captain America (laughing)
You in the
Avengers! What’s next! I’m standing before congress on my steroid use in crime
fighting! Dream on loser!
Michelangelo
Oh yeah!
Well at least I’m not a freaking sellout that smells like old people and
cheese! I know cheese, because I eat a lot of pizza! Duh! I’m a Ninja Turtle!
Captain America
Is that a
challenge? You want to fight you punk want-a-be?
Michelangelo
Bring it! If
I win, you have to buy us pizza and give me your autograph so I can sell it on
eBay! I bet it’s worth $5! Loser!
Captain America
Oh you have Wi-Fi
in the sewer! Are you a hobo? Hey stupid! You know mutants can join the X-Men
right! They take freaks and losers like you!
Michelangelo
Wait, before
we fight…give me the X-Men’s contact information! That sounds useful for me and
my brothers!
Captain America
Just Google Xavier's
School for Gifted Youngsters and the contact information will be right there!
Michelangelo
Thanks bro!
I bet when I’m an X-Man I’ll get a lot of ladies! When’s the last time you had a
girlfriend! B.C.? or A.D.?
Captain America
I choose to
be single! That’s it! Bus or not we’re fighting right now!
Michelangelo
I hope you
don’t break a hip old man! You get the first move because I’m nice like that!
Captain
America throws his shield and it flies right out a window!
Michelangelo
HA! You
missed and broke a window! Need glasses old man?
Captain America
That’s it! You
wait here while I go get my shield. We’ll continue our fight!
Captain
America leaves to get his shield back!
Michelangelo
DUDE! I was
already waiting for a bus, I got time to wait for you to get your shield back!
Great! More waiting!
Michelangelo
looks at his watch!
Michelangelo
And I’m
going to be five minutes late for my class at Second City! I need to get my
comedy on, bro!
Captain America
I’m back!
Michelangelo
BRING IT!
(To be continued…if part 2 is wanted
for next class, but for now enjoy only the beginning of this sketch)
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