ACT I
Michael and Jordan are
scientists that work for a robot company. Michael is a bald African American
who wears glasses, and Jordan is a white man with brown buzz-cut hair. Today is
their day off, so they are going to the beach.
Michael
Hey, why are we going to the
beach anyway?
Jordan
Well, we are going to try to
catch a Giant squid and sell it for money
Michael
But
this is our only day off
Jordan
You
do know we’re self-employed, right? We can have a day off whenever we want
stupid.
Michael
Also,
if we build robots for living, why would we try to catch Giant squid anyway?
Jordan
Look,
obviously the guy who’s writing this sketch has writer’s block and is just
using an old short story he had written before…Oh, right, probably shouldn’t
break the fourth wall, huh? Basically, we
need the money because we need to pay back the Japanese mafia for failing to
make properly working gangster robots for their dealings.
Michael
What
the fuck are you talking about, dude?
Jordan
Doesn’t
this sketch seem a little like Monty Python…you know how the randomness makes
if funny even though it sucks and makes no sense…
Michael
Where
are you hiding the good weed man?
Jordan
Behind
the fringe the next to the pizza from that….wait a minute we need to find that
Giant squid!
Michael
Also,
aren’t Giant squids a myth like dragons, unicorns, Donald Trump, and Narnia!
Jordan
Well
Giant squids are real and as for dragons and Donald Trump….I don’t know! But a
Giant squid was recently discovered and…
Michael
Wait!
What you’re saying is someone already found a Giant squid? That means someone else already claimed the
reward money!
Jordan
Well,
our supervisor, Dr. Wily ordered us to find a Giant squid. He wants us to make it into a robot, because
we have that merger deal with Microsoft coming up…..
Michael
Mega
Man!
Jordan
What?
Michael
Mega
Man! You know that video game from the
80’s. Dr. Wily was the bad guy from that
video game a.k.a. not real. Plus, you
said we were self-employed so why would we have a supervisor!
Jordan
Look,
we need to get a Giant squid, okay? That
we can make it into a robot and use it to take down the Japanese mafia. If we take them down, won’t have to pay them
back for…
Michael
ENOUGH!
FINE! Let’s go find that stupid squid, so that I can go home and enjoy the rest
of my day off…
Jordan
Good!
I rented a boat and bought us some beers! Let’s go!
Michael
Do
we really have a merger with Microsoft?
I think those guys will buy anything. And maybe that will give us the
money we need.
Jordan
Well
I have Bill Gates on speed dial back on the lab. We could discuss the merger further and sell off
our business to him and retire in Hawaii
Michael
Really?
Jordan
No,
not really. All that stuff I told you
was bullshit. Ha, like I’ve even talked
to Microsoft. Our company’s worthless,
damn it! Do you know the last time we even worked on a robot? We just started this company so we can just
sit on our asses and get high as much as we want!
Michael
Oh…how’s
our Kickstarter doing?
Jordan
Well,
we made five dollars and have given away one t-shirt
Michael
Cool,
hey along with the beer is there weed on the boat, also?
Jordan
Does
a Giant squid shit in the ocean!
Michael
OH
YEAH! Hendrix-style living on the seven seas! Can’t wait! Also, when’s the
welfare check coming?
Jordan
Tuesday,
now let’s get on that boat!
They
get on a boat and head off to the sea.
Michael
Hey
man, what’s that?
(To be continued…if part 2 is wanted
for next class, but for now enjoy only the beginning of this sketch)
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