Sunday, July 12, 2015

Idiots Day at Jeff’s Comic Shop (Second City Class Sketch Version)!


ACT I

In a local outlet mall in a small town there is a pretty cool comic shop run by an overweight nerdy asshole named Jeff.  Today Jeff is working at his comic shop and is bored while waiting for customers to come in.

                                                       Jeff

Damn internet!  Kids today don’t want to buy comic books anymore!  If this keeps up, I may have to close my store.  That would stink because this is the easiest job in the world

Eddy, a large fidgety man walks into the store.

                                                      Eddy

Hello, my name is Eddy…and I get to buy one toy

                                                        Jeff

Okay, the action figures are over there.  Please pick one, buy it, and then get the hell out of my store

Eddy grabs a Super Dude action figure and begins skipping with excitement

                                                             Eddy

This one with the cool haircut and the sunglasses is awesome!  I can play with this one for-for-for forever?

                                                             Jeff

Okay, one mint condition Super Dude action figure…that’ll be $4,000.  Will that be cash or check?

Eddy hands Jeff a dime and gives Jeff a stupid smile.  Jeff sighs in frustration.

                                                           Jeff

Okay, I need more money than just a dime!

                                                        

                                                     Eddy (while twitching & screaming)

 Dime is all I have.  Can give me toy now?

                                                        Jeff

Get the hell out of my store!

                                                         Eddy

But me need him….my little Hulk buddy need buddy too and Barbie broke up with Hulk and Captain America think Hulk suffer low self-esteem and need new girlfriend, but Hulk tell him he gay and that why he angry.  Like my Daddy and he hit Mommy like my Daddy and….

                                                            Jeff

What are you talking about? None of what you said comes from the comic books. Also, do you still live with your parents?  Well I still do too, but that’s not the point. You need $4,000 in order to buy that rare collectable Super Dude action figure or else get the hell out of my store!

 

                                                           Eddy

I like pizza!

 

                                                             Jeff

What does that have to do with anything we’re talking about!

                                                            Eddy

Do you have pizza here or candy…well me gave you dime and me go now with my new buddy Super Dude and go eat pizza and….

                                                             Jeff

Again, you do not have enough money for toy!  Put toy back where you found it and leave my store!

                                                         

                                                                   Eddy

I like pizza….and puppies!

 

Eddy just stood there twitching and smiling and Jeff grabbed him and threw him out!

                                                        Jeff

And don’t come back until you have more money!

After Jeff threw Eddy out he began to cry and then he stopped when he saw that across the street was a pizza place!

                                                      Eddy

PIZZA! HOPE PIZZA GUY TAKE ME DIME! PIZZZZZZZAAAAAA!

Eddy runs to the pizza place and Jeff grins!

                                                         Jeff

That poor idiot.  Now if one more freaking idiot comes in here I’ll…

Eddy come back with a piece of pizza and a Mountain Dew chewing loudly and making a mess.

                                                         Eddy

ME GET PIZZA! HI FRIEND!

                                                           Jeff

NO EATING IN MY STORE! GET OUT BEFORE I CALL THE POLICE! Or at least the mental hospital or the preschool!

                                                         Eddy

PRESCHOOL TODAY! YEAAAAAAHHHH! ME MAKE NOODLE ART! BYE FAT FRIEND!

Eddy runs out of the store excitedly and drops the pizza and Mountain Dew on the floor!

                                                              Jeff

Is that 30 year old man really still in preschool?  Or did I do another good job at kicking out annoying costumer?  Well slow day.  Hope I get someone who has money this time!

A couple of hours past when Jeff finally got another customer…sadly it was Stupid Kid.

                                                              Jeff

Hello, buy something or get out!

(To be continued…if part 2 is wanted for next class, but for now enjoy only the beginning of this sketch)
 

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