(A campground in the
middle of a forest)
(Dad is
trying up Billy to a pole while a fire is blazing in front of him)
DAD
Now Billy you know Daddy
loves you very much!
BILLY
I love you too Daddy!
Thanks for taking me camping you’ve never taken me camping before. But why
isn’t Mommy, Tommy, or Judy here too?
DAD
Well Mommy, your brother
Tommy, and your sister Judy had to tend to the house for tonight. It’s a
special night Billy. For he is coming!
BILLY
Who’s coming?
DAD
I can’t tell you, but know
what I’m doing to you is a sign that I love you and he loves you!
BILLY
I love you too Daddy, and
I have another Daddy?
DAD
(GIGGLING WITH A LITTLE
SADNESS)
Yes son, he’s both of our
Daddies. Now there, I think you’re tied up pretty tight. Stay here while I get
the sacred items.
BILLY
Where else will I go
Daddy, I’m tied to a pole! I can’t move!
(Dad comes back
with a bottle of BBQ sauce)
BILLY
Oh boy! Are we going to
make hamburgers?
DAD
No Billy, this BBQ sauce
is for…him!
(Dad begins to
rub and spread BBQ sauce all over Billy)
BILLY
I smell pretty good Daddy!
DAD
(CRYING)
There that’s all of the
BBQ sauce. Now wait here Billy, I have to keep going before nightfall.
BILLY
What’s going to happen I
nightfall Daddy?
DAD
(CRYING)
YOU DON’T WANT TO KNOW
BILLY! BUT I’M DOING THIS OUT OF LOVE! NOW I’M GOING TO RING THIS BELL TO
SINGLE HIS ARRIVAL!
BILLY
Again who’s coming! Why am
I tied to a pole covered in BBQ sauce! Can we play checkers?
(Dad is ringing
a bell while talking in tongues)
BILLY
That looks fun! Can I ring
the bell and talk crazy too Daddy? Or could we sing the Muffin Man song again!
DAD
No Billy, you have a
greater role in his plan! He spoke to me son! He said give you’re youngest son
to him and the world would be forever saved! Billy, he spoke in a dream to me!
ME! I WAS CHOSEN BY THE LORD HIMSELF!
BILLY
That’s a weird dream
Daddy. Can you untie me so we can play catch?
DAD
No Billy, I can’t play
catch with you now! But we will meet again soon enough. Anyway I have to read
the verse from the holy book!
(Dad pulls out “The Call of Cthulhu” by H. P. Lovecraft and begins
reading it)
BILLY
Oh boy story time? Can we make s'mores
too!
DAD
(YELLING)
That is not dead which can eternal lie! And with strange
aeons even death may die!
BILLY
COOL! Now can you tell me the story of “The Three
Little Pigs” again!
DAD
Cthulhu must feed now my
son! Cthulhu chose you my son! Make us proud!
BILLY
(CONFUSED)
Who’s Cthulhu? Is he that
Dr. Zoidberg with wings from that picture book Mommy read me?
(Dad hears wolves
howling in the background)
DAD
(CRYING)
Cthulhu is coming! Goodbye
my son! And remember to keep on smiling you’re such a good boy!
(Dad flees the
scene in fear while Billy is still tied to the pole)
(Now we go to the next
day where Billy is still tied up to the pole and was tied up overnight)
(Ranger Hank walks up
to a sleeping Billy and begins untying Billy from the pole)
(Billy begins to wake
up)
BILLY
DADDY! You’re not my Dad!
WHERE’S MY DAD?
RANGER HANK
Are you Billy Wintergreen?
BILLY
Yes! I was out camping with
my Daddy the whole night sir!
RANGER HANK
Look son, I don’t know how
to tell you this! But you were left here to die!
BILLY
Where’s my Daddy?
RANGER HANK
You’re Dad’s in a mental
institution along with you mother and siblings for believing in Cthulhu! Now
your Dad was trying to sacrifice you to this fictional character and left you
here tied to a pole alone at night in the freezing cold. As for your family
they were going to preform a mass suicide in order to please Cthulhu but
luckily the police were called before things went bad. So basically your family’s crazy and you are
going into foster care!
BILLY
That’s my Daddy! Thanks
again for untying me Ranger Hank!
RANGER HANK
Don’t thank me thank Mephisto!
(Blackout.)
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