The Director (Second City Class Sketch)!

(On a film set where a director is talking to one of his actors)

                   

                   THE DIRECTOR

All right, thank you so much Mr. Woody Allen for being a part of this great movie…what is this movie about? Well, it’s loosely based on my life and you, Mr. Woody Allen, play a character partly inspired by me. Who might you ask is this character? A dishwasher at a health fast food restaurant! Yes, there are such restaurants, basically picture if Burger King & Whole Foods had a baby and there ya go!

Anyway, your character, Mr. Woody Allen, dreams of someday becoming a comedian, a great comedian, also a director, an actor, a writer…well you get the point. Anyway, while you’re working in this dump you have to deal with hipster assholes and health food nuts. But all and all you need to make money to pursue your dreams and enough money to visit your poor Irish parents in New Mexico…Yes I know you’re Jewish Woody, but come on its acting, you idiot.

Now let’s set the mood. You worked a long day here washing dishes covered in tofu burgers and fake fries. But while you’re cleaning you dare to dream of a better life full of money, beautiful women, celebrities, and designer hats. Lots and lots of designer hats as far as the eye can see. They’re the fanciest and most beautiful hats known to man. Hanging on the wall of your mansion bedroom is Charlie Chapin’s original little tramp suit which you wanted since you were a baby. Sometimes you wear it at parties and reenactments.

Then picture, Mr. Woody Allen, after dreaming the dream, now reality finally returns, and you realize you’re still a mere peasant dishwasher returning back to the world of hipster assholes and hippies. When work is done, you must go to The Second City where you learn and hone your craft. But one day, a Hollywood talent agent discovers you while he’s drinking a milk free milkshake and frees you from this hellish health food place. The agent lets you tell your story on the big screen and have Woody “Freaking” Allen, his hero, besides the legendary Charlie Chaplin, play you in this epic tale of misery and woe. Then the movie’s over.

Oh and today were filming the scene where after you finally get discovered. You give your two weeks’ notice to the hellish health fast food restaurant boss. Giving the bird with pride to everyone there, except to the few people who cared about you who worked their alongside you. Now let’s make movie magic, Mr. Woody Allen…and make dreams come true. Mostly mine. Mostly mine. NOW ACTION! ESCAPE! MONEY! WOMEN! THAT’S SHOWBIZ BABY!

(The director takes a bow after his speech while he hears an imagery crowd applauding him and yelling thank you over and over again)

                        

                      (Blackout.)