(Steven
Bucky Butler’s bedroom)
(Steven
Bucky Butler is staring at his blank computer screen)
STEVEN BUCKY BUTLER
Think…I have to write
another sketch for class. Come on, something personal. What happened to me
recently that would be funny…DAMN I GOT NOTHING!
SPOTTY
(OFFSTAGE)
Sounds like you could use
some help?
(Steven
Bucky Butler swings his chair around to see his creation Spotty sitting on his
bed across from his desk)
STEVEN BUCKY BUTLER
Oh god, I’m seeing Spotty.
I’ve gone mad! Writer’s block has finally done me in! Please lord let this not
be schizophrenia. Look, Spotty, you’re
not real. I know that because I created you!
SPOTTY
Of course I’m not real, dummy. Your
mind imagined me here to come and help you write this sketch. So, what have you
got so far?
(Spotty
walks over towards the computer and sees nothing written on the screen)
SPOTTY
Wow Bucky, you really do
have writer’s block! What’s the assignment this week about, anyway?
STEVEN BUCKY BUTLER
Something that happened to
you recently in your personal life that might make a great sketch!
SPOTTY
That doesn’t sound that
hard. Plenty of stuff happened to you recently!
STEVEN BUCKY BUTLER
(SARCASTICALLY)
Yeah, I’m unemployed, live
with my mother, sit around the house and watch Youtube all day! That’ll be
funny!
SPOTTY
Well, you have done some
stuff outside of your Mom’s house…
STEVEN BUCKY BUTLER
Actually, it’s not even my
Mom’s house, her friend just let’s us live here because she spends all her time
at her boyfriend’s house.
SPOTTY
Yeah, that’s too much
information to share with these people. Oh what about your niece Emma? Everybody
loves kids!
STEVEN BUCKY BUTLER
Oh yeah I’m like the uncle
of the year wink, wink. She’s in Colorado
and I haven’t seen her in months. Plus I don’t communicate that much with my
sister. So as far I know, there is nothing new with Emma!
SPOTTY
You could say she got high! Weed is
legal in Colorado! Make that shit up!
STEVEN BUCKY BUTLER
(YELLING)
DUDE! NOT COOL! NIKKI WILL KILL ME! WE
CAN’T WRITE THAT FOR GOD’S SAKE! PLUS I’M IN ENOUGH HOT WATER WHEN IT COMES TO
LITTLE KIDS AND BABIES IN THIS FAMILY ANYWAY!
SPOTTY
What about your Dad! He’s crazy!
Actually, don’t write a sketch about your Dad. It’ll basically turn into a
sketch that’s a mix of a horror movie and a Dr. Phil episode.
STEVEN BUCKY BUTLER
Yeah, I love him too much to make fun
of him anyway! But oh man, what I could write about a guy like him! How about
something that doesn’t involve my family?
SPOTTY
How about you and your improv buddies
outside of Second City! You guys do funny stuff all the time!
STEVEN BUCKY BUTLER
That’ll be too much comedy for one
sketch! How about how I travel to the city every Saturday?
SPOTTY
No, we don’t want to tell the world how
much you share with your Lyft drivers. I mean you don’t know those people, they
aren’t your friends, dummy. Riding the train downtown is already just way too
sad as it is! Plus, you weren’t the first comedian to make fun of public
transportation, champ.
STEVEN BUCKY BUTLER
How about my cousin AJ, he is my
comedic rival. That could work?
SPOTTY
Nah, AJ has a lot of his plate already
with the Laugh Factory and all! I bet he wouldn’t play himself in your sketch! Also,
didn’t you say you didn’t want to write about your family?
STEVEN BUCKY BUTLER
Again, I have writer’s block over
here. I CAN’T THINK OF ANYTHING!
SPOTTY
That’s it! How about you write about
being a writer! It’s personal! You do it all the time! You have ideas for new
stories. But you haven’t written them yet. I haven’t seen anything starring me
lately…
STEVEN BUCKY BUTLER
I guess I’ll use what I got!
SPOTTY
What are you talking about? Last time
I saw the screen, it was blank!
STEVEN BUCKY BUTLER
While we were talking about coming up
with ideas, I pretty much wrote a sketch about this whole conversation. Let me
just put in the title…there, my newest sketch “Writer’s Block”. It may not be
that funny, might not even be a personal life story, but I don’t get graded for
these. So screw it, time to email this bad boy to my Mom and print it out. With
a few edits, of course!
SPOTTY
Cool, go team! I love you Dad!
(Spotty
goes up to Steven Bucky Butler while he’s sitting and gives him a huge hug)
STEVEN BUCKY BUTLER
Okay, this is a pretty weird moment!
But I love you too Spotty!
(Snapper the Snapping Turtle enters the scene)
SNAPPER THE SNAPPING TURTLE
Hey Dad, it’s your other
son Snapper the Snapping Turtle. Remember how you used to write those stories
about my adventures with Catfish Jack? Maybe I could be a part of this sketch
too? I haven’t done much lately anyway.
STEVEN BUCKY BUTLER
Oh kiddo, look, Daddy already has four
pages and this sketch really should have ended already…
SNAPPER THE SNAPPING TURLE
(CRYING)
YOU NEVER LOVED ME!
(Snapper the Snapping Turtle runs out of the room
sobbing and Spotty and Steven Bucky Butler stare at each other then look out to
the audience after Snapper the Snapping Turtle exits)
STEVEN BUCKY BUTLER & SPOTTY
(AT THE SAME TIME)
Blackout!
(Blackout.)
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