Badass confronts GunMan's Gang!
Monday, January 1, 2024
Playroom: Before The Goodwill Page 51
God Woman and Rock Monster have a conversation with The Con Artists!
Wacky Comic Book Panels Out Of Context Part 4
All comic book panels featured here belong to their respected copyright holders
Wacky Comic Book Panels Out Of Context Part 3
All comic book panels featured here belong to their respected copyright holders
The Origin of Retro Strongman
Arthur Ultraton was born in 1849 and immigrated to the United States from Italy at the age of 14. Arthur Ultraton was a very frail and sick young man. That was until he discovered a miracle mushroom given to him by some traveling monks. Arthur’s health not only improved but so did his strength and physique. Arthur eventually became a circus strongman and daredevil exciting crowds around the world with his amazing feats. Arthur was preparing for a dangerous stunt to ride a unicycle on a tightrope over Artic waters. As Arthur was preparing in his tent, he took a bite out of his miracle mushroom when Jerry, an orphan who traveled with the circus, ran up and grabbed Arthur tightly. “Please don’t do this! You’ll get lost in the cold and…” cried Jerry. “Don’t worry little Jerry. Uncle Arthur will survive this like he does every other stunt. And then I’ll take you out for a root beer. Okay?” asked Arthur. “Yes, Uncle Arthur. Good luck and I love you,” said Jerry. Arthur and Jerry shook hands as Arthur slowly exited his tent. Before Jerry left, he spotted the miracle mushroom on the ground and put it in his pocket.
Of course, as Jerry predicted Arthur’s stunt in the Artic went wrong and he fell into the icy waters to his death. Or maybe not.
Fast forward, centuries later as a helicopter crew spots something odd buried in the snow. The helicopter crew, who were working for the trillionaire Buddy Moneybags, discovered a very strong man wearing circus tights and holding a dumbbell frozen in ice. It was him. It was Arthur. But that helicopter crew gave him a new name. And the name Arthur is known by now is Retro Strongman.
Retro Strongman a.k.a. Arthur woke up in a modern hospital bed. He was being studied by scientists and he was frightened. Retro Strongman escaped from his hospital bed and was chased by four security guards. Retro Strongman would enter a door which led to a library where Buddy Moneybags was waiting to meet him. “Welcome to the year 2023, Arthur. Or as my employees nicknamed you, Retro Strongman,” said Buddy Moneybags. “Did you say it’s the year 2023? That means, or God! Everyone I knew and loved is dead!” cried Retro Strongman. Retro Strongman fell to his knees which made the Earth rumble and started sobbing. Buddy Moneybags handed Retro Strongman a can of Root Beer. Retro Strongman seemed angry and confused. “You think a root beer will help me right now?” cried Retro Strongman. “Well, you did say that you will take me out for a root beer once you got back. And now you’re back,” said Buddy Moneybags. Retro Strongman gets up off the group and realizes who he has been talking too. “Jerry? You look so old and how are you still alive?” asked Retro Strongman. “My name is Buddy Moneybags now. And I gained immortality through this…” said Buddy Moneybags.
Buddy Moneybags wheels his electric wheelchair over to a small box which contains a bag full of miracle mushrooms. Retro Strongman is shocked and takes the box of miracle mushrooms away. “Where did you get these? And how did you learn about the miracle mushrooms?” asked Retro Strongman. “I learned about the miracle mushrooms from you. And I have a supplier. But sadly, the miracle mushroom is going extinct, and these are the last the world has to offer,” said Buddy Moneybags. “So that means…,” said Retro Strongman. “Yes, after these last few miracle mushrooms are used up. There will be no more. Thus, we might die,” said Buddy Moneybags. “Die? Please, I haven’t eaten the miracle mushroom in centuries. Please give me one, Jerry,” cried Retro Strongman. Buddy Moneybags started laughing and pated Retro Strongman on the back. “Of course you can have a miracle mushroom, old friend. But first, you have to earn it,” said Buddy Moneybags.
How will Retro Strongman have to earn his miracle mushroom? Why killing The Gifted of course.
Retro Strongman now was walking the streets of present-day Action City. He was a man out of place and time. Retro Strongman saw a bank robbery and rushed over to catch the bank robbers. Retro Strongman easily defeated the bank robbers and handed them over to the police.
Which caught the attention of The Gifted members Dr. Strong, Dr. Laser, and Ms. Giant who watched the whole thing. “Who’s this guy?” asked Dr. Laser. “I don’t know, but he seems strong. Could he be stronger than you, Dr. Strong?” asked Ms. Giant. Retro Strongman spotted The Gifted and began taunting them. “Behold, I’m Retro Strongman. I alone shall defeat you all. You consider yourselves Gifted. I consider myself strong,” yelled Retro Strongman. Retro Strongman attacked Dr. Strong. They began brawling in the Action City streets. Retro Strongman and Dr. Strong were evenly matched in strength. Just when it looked like Retro Strongman would defeat Dr. Strong. Dr. Laser uses his laser vision to stun Retro Strongman. Ms. Giant grows giant and picks up Retro Strongman trapping him inside her giant hand. “Let’s head back to headquarters and figure out what’s going on,” said Dr. Strong. The Gifted were back at their headquarters where Retro Strongman was held hostage. Ms. Giant was searching the internet for anything about Retro Strongman. “I’m not finding much information on Retro Strongman,” said Ms. Giant. “Search for Arthur Ultraton,” said Retro Strongman. Ms. Giant typed in Arthur Ultraton and found everything The Gifted needed to know. “It says here he died in a stunt gone wrong in 1897. How is this guy still alive?” asked Ms. Giant. “Look, I won’t be alive much longer because the rare mushroom I eat that keeps me alive is going extinct. And only Buddy Moneybags has the last ones on Earth,” said Retro Strongman. “Let me guess. You attacked us because you are working for the villainous Buddy Moneybags,” said Dr. Laser. “Villainous? He told me you all were the bad guys,” said Retro Strongman. “No, we’re superheroes and protectors of Action City. If my knowledge is right, I know for a fact that those mushrooms you’re talking about aren’t going extinct. In fact, they were a key ingredient in Chemical G1. The very chemical that gave us our powers. This explains how you had gotten super strong. We may be able to help you,” said Dr. Strong. “Really, how,” asked Retro Strongman. “By ejecting you with Chemical G1. If we eject Chemical G1 into you, then you might not need to ever consume the mushroom again. And it may even increase your strength too,” said Dr. Strong. “I’ll do it,” said Retro Strongman.
Dr. Strong releases Retro Strongman and ejects him with Chemical G1. After being ejected with Chemical G1 not only did his strength improve, but he also gained other superpowers as well. Retro Strongman can now run at super speeds and fly. Retro Strongman thanked The Gifted and asked for forgiveness. The Gifted forgave Retro Strongman and offered him honorary membership. Retro Strongman accepted and now Retro Strongman is officially a superhero. Retro Strongman now lives in The Gifted’s headquarters as he adjusts to modern day life.
Retro Strongman hopes that his old friend Buddy Moneybags will join the side of justice. But that’ll probably never happen. Because Buddy Moneybags isn’t that little orphan boy Arthur Ultraton knew in the past. He’s now the supervillain Retro Strongman fights in the future. As Arthur’s Wise Italian Mama once said, the past she is in the past, the future she is coming up, so focus just on today you silly boy. These words finally came in handy.
THE END!
The History of the Alien Hunter Squad
The Alien Hunter Squad is a top-secret organization created in the 1940’s by a group of former FBI agents to hunt down alien invaders and to keep the existence of aliens a secret from the world. Agents for the Alien Hunter Squad can either be human or alien and they are recruited by the mysterious Head of the Alien Hunter Squad. No one knows the identity of the Head of the Alien Hunter Squad or his gender and species. The one thing agents know is that the Head of the Alien Hunter Squad hasn’t changed since it was founded in the 1940’s. The Alien Hunter Squad’s headquarters is in the center of the Earth. The Alien Hunter Squad’s agents protect Earth from alien threats wherever they come from. Now we’re opening a top-secret case file that is a very important day for the Alien Hunter Squad. Here’s the story contained in the top-secret file.
During a mission in 1962, an agent codenamed Spot and his partner codenamed Wilson were investigating a case involving a Monster Worm living in the sewers of a small farming town. During their investigation they met XZ, a representative of the Galactic Universe Federation, who wanted to aide Spot and Wilson in finding the Monster Worm because he was a wanted space fugitive.
As Spot, Wilson, and XZ explored the farm town looking for the Monster Worm, they finally found him eating cows inside of a barn. “You’re under arrest,” shouted Wilson. The Monster Worm roared and then dug underground and escaped. “We may need backup,” said Spot. Backup came in the form of an agent codenamed Gun Expert. Gun Expert Is of course an expert on weapons (mainly guns) and explosives. Gun Expert was briefed, on the mission. After being briefed, Gun Expert’s gut told him that they sound enter the huge hole the Monster Worm dug and track him down underground.
Our agents walked underground through a tunnel dug by the Monster Worm that led to the center of town. They found the Monster Worm sleeping and that’s when all Hell broke loose. Gunfire erupted as the Alien Hunter Squad agents and XZ were slaughtering the Monster Worm. After finally killing the Monster Worm, our agents returned to the surface and asked XZ to meet with their head of operations. And it was on this day, after another successful mission, that Earth secretly became a member of the Galactic Universe Federation, and the Alien Hunter Squad would be the only ones who knew that fact. XZ even became an honorary agent of the Alien Hunter Squad after helping them defeat the Monster Worm. The Alien Hunter Squad to this very day continues to protect us all and we don’t even know it.
THE END!
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