Monday, January 18, 2016

The Cast of the Disney Magic Sketch!

Bud Lemmy-He’s an 80 something Disney Animator who comes out of retirement to see that things have changed a lot at the Disney studio.

Ken-He’s a 20 something fellow animator and Bud’s supervisor.

Ryan-He’s a 20 something Latin American animator who is a fan of Bud’s work.

Terri-She’s a 20 something African-American woman who is another fellow animator and another fan of Bud’s work.


Disney Magic (Second City Class Sketch)!

(At Walt Disney Animation Studios in Burbank, California)

(Ken is showing Bud Lemmy his new office)

                        KEN
Well Bud, you are truly legend around here at the Disney animation studio. So why have you finally decided to come out of retirement?

                      BUD LEMMY
Ever since you peckers got rid of my pension I don’t have any more money, but dog on it, I was the greatest animator in my day I figured why the hell not come out of retirement. Also Wal-Mart fired me as a greeter and this was my last resort!

                      KEN
Why did Wal-Mart fire you?

                     BUD LEMMY
I’d rather not talk about it. But just between you and me…women have a lot of rights now! Just because I thought my supervisor had a great ass and I…but look again you don’t need to know! Now where’s the drawing broad!

                     KEN
Oh that’s right! Bud, things have changed a lot since the 40’s. We use computers now, no drawing what so ever! Do you know how to use Adobe Photoshop?

                    BUD LEMMY
No…

(Ken’s cellphone begins to ring and Ken pulls his cellphone out)

                        KEN
Sorry Bud, I have to take this call. If you have any more questions I’m sure Terri will help you out, if you need help, just remember that Terri’s office is next door. Again welcome back Bud!

(Ken exits to the room and Bud pulls out a piece of paper)

(Bud tapes the piece of paper to his computer screen and begins to draw on it)

(Ryan enters and Bud Lemmy looks confused)

                      BUD LEMMY
What the heck are you wearing kid? You look like a freaking beatnik!

                      RYAN
Okay whatever, anyway my name is Ryan and I’m…

                      BUD LEMMY
I know exactly who you are Ryan…here let me help you out!

(Bud Lemmy gets up out of his chair and slowly walks over to pick up his garbage can)

(Bud Lemmy then hands Ryan his garbage can)

                     BUD LEMMY
Here Ryan, empty this for me and then you can come back to clean the windows!

                                                                                                                                                   RYAN
What the heck? I just wanted to tell you I’m a fan of your work and that I became animator because of it!

                   
                   BUD LEMMY
                      (SHOCKED)
WHAT! YOU’RE NOT THE JANITOR! SINCE WHEN DOES DISNEY HIRE MEXICANS?
                      
                       RYAN
I’m Brazilian!

                      BUD LEMMY
                        (SHOCKED)
WOW! WALT WOULD BE ROLLING OVER IN HIS GRAVE! ANYWAY, LOOK KID, SORRY FOR THE MISTAKE BUT ITS JUST…WOW! So ah, which movie are you a fan of?

                       RYAN
I love Pinocchio…

                       BUD LEMMY
Oh, because of the donkeys, right? I drew one of them in that picture and I nailed the actress that voiced the Blue Fairy too! Now, she had some big knockers…

                      RYAN
                       (AWKWARDLY)
Okay, it was nice to meet you, Bud. But now I have to go back and animate Olaf for Frozen 2. Also, you should probably turn on your computer so that you can…

                     BUD LEMMY
What! I don’t speak Spanish, but sure tacos would be great right now! Anyway glad you’re living the dream kid!

                     RYAN
                       (TO HIMSELF WHEN HE’S EXITING)
My uncle was right when he said you should never meet your heroes because they’ll always let you down…

(Ryan exits the scene and Bud continues to draw)

                       BUD LEMMY
                          (IN A COCKY TONE)
I can still draw a damn good Goofy!

(Terri enters and Bud Lemmy sees her and jumps right up)

                       BUD LEMMY
                          (SCREAMING)
HOLY SHIT! WHERE THE HELL DID YOU COME FROM!

                       TERRI
Oh, sorry to startle you, Mr. Lemmy, but my name is…
                      
                    BUD LEMMY
                         (YELLING)
TERRI GET YOUR ASS IN HERE! SOME BLACKIE BROKE INTO MY OFFICE AND I THINK SHE WANTS TO STEAL MY WATCH! TERRI! TERRI…

                       TERRI
Actually I’m Terri, Ken told me you might need my help and I’m a huge fan of your work, so, do need any help?

                      BUD LEMMY
                         (CONFUSED)
Hold it, you’re Terri the animator who works right next door to me?

                       TERRI
Yes!

                       BUD LEMMY
                          (CONFUSED)
But you’re a woman!

                        TERRI
Yes!

                       BUD LEMMY
                          (CONFUSED)
But you’re black!

                       TERRI
                         (ANNOYED)
Yes, now do you need my help with anything?

                       BUD LEMMY
Just out of curiosity, did you know I was the one who animated Uncle Remus in Song of the South?

                       TERRI
But Uncle Remus was played by James Baskett in live action while the background was animated right?

                      BUD LEMMY
That’s what Walt wanted you blackies to think. It was all a cartoon. He loved screwing with you nig…
                     

                         TERRI
                          (CREEPED OUT)
Okay, looks like you don’t need any help at the moment. I have to go to Human Resources now and file a complaint, but anyway, it was nice to meet you Mr. Lemmy…

                                 (Terri flees the scene and then Ken reenters)

                       KEN
So, I just thought I’d come back and see how you were doing?

                      BUD LEMMY
Ken, I’m beginning to question what had happened to this place when I was away…

                      KEN
Well, after Walt died things changed around here, Bud. We now hire people of color and women have a bigger role in the studio then they did before. I know you’re a man from a different era of Disney, but I feel you’ll learn to love working here in modern Disney!

                       BUD LEMMY
It really is A Small World. Glad we’re both just two normal white guys and that Walt would be proud the white man still has the power around here!

                       KEN
Actually, I’m transgender!

                                    (After hearing that Bud Lemmy has a heart attack and dies)

                                     (Ken then grabs the drawings taped on Bud Lemmy’s computer and looks at them)

                      KEN
Damn he’s really good at drawing Goofy…weird he drew a scene where Goofy is reading “Mein Kampf” though, but hey, who am I to judge! That’s the modern Disney Magic for yah!

                  (Blackout.)



Football Make Brain Hurt (Second City Class Blackout Scene)!

(A football player is stumbling around, slurring his words and behaving drunk for a minute)

(The coach walks towards the football player)

                    THE COACH
                       (YELLING)
COME ON KID! I KNOW THIS IS YOUR 10th CONCUSSON, BUT WE NEED YOU TO GET BACK IN THE GAME!

                   FOOTBALL PLAYER
ME. PLAY. FOOTBALL! 

                     THE COACH
                       (YELLING)
DAMN RIGHT YOU DO! NOW, GET OUT THERE AND KICK ASS!

                      FOOTBALL PLAYER
I LIKE BUTTERED NOODLES! WUZZLE!

(The football player tries walking, but trips and passes out)

                     THE COACH
You okay kid? Well, you’re still getting a millions of dollars either way! LET’S PLAY SOME DAMN FOOTBALL!

                     (Blackout.)

(Writer’s Note: The gag is supposed to be that the audience is meant to think the character is a drunk at first but when in reality it turns out he’s a football player with multiple concussion disorder)


Wednesday, January 13, 2016

The Cast of the Gaming Vets Sketch!

Miner Mike-A retro video game coal miner character who is tired of the daily grind of his life in a video game. Paranoid, tired, depressed, mental, suffers from PTSD.

Captain Rex-A humanoid T-Rex creature who comes from a first person shooter game and he’s always cool and calm. Cocky, a wise guy, has a bit of a swagger, likes his life, good with a gun.


Kim Lizard-The wife of a character Miner Mike killed in his game. A pissed off widow.