Wednesday, August 31, 2016
Tuesday, August 30, 2016
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Friday, August 19, 2016
Wednesday, August 17, 2016
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Thursday, August 11, 2016
Wednesday, August 10, 2016
Monday, August 8, 2016
Friday, August 5, 2016
Wednesday, August 3, 2016
Mike (Luis)- Nervous, suffers from stage fright
Wendy (Marissa) – Bartender/Leader of the group
John (Ryan) - A drunk
Bob the Townie (Jordy) - Old, gruff, horny
Fairy Kind (Kelly)- A fairy who comes to aid Mike
Fairy Nice (Sarah) - Fairy Kind’s intern assistant
(At the bar, Mike is shaking nervously while Wendy polishes beer mugs. Scripts in hand.)
Something wrong, Mike? You’re not your usual chipper self.
Gosh, I could use a stiff one, Wendy.
[Last stiffy I had was in Desert Storm.]
You guys don’t understand. I suffer from really bad stage fright. And I’ve lost my lucky charm.
What’s your lucky charm?
(Cast freezes. Wendy turns to audience for suggestion.)
What do you think his lucky charm is?
[Audience gives suggestion.]
Nope. It’s a [garlic press.] I keep it in my pocket to rub for good luck before every show.
[Hey, this isn’t a jam sandwich here…]
(John sits down, he’s drunk.)
I’m back! I ate tacos for lunch! Don’t believe me? Exhibit A is all over the men’s room wall! [It’s like I went to college at P-U.]
Oh John, do you have any advice for Mike on how to deal with his stage fright?
Booze! Shit ton of booze, Mike! That’s my secret!
I wish I could find my lucky charm!
[Gets tangled in curtain while entering.]
Did somebody say wish!
Who are you?
Hello Mike. My name is Fairy Kind. I’m your fairy godmother. Here to grant your wish!
Who’s your friend, Fairy Kind?
I’m Fairy Nice, an intern at Magic Co. I’ll get my wings, someday!
That’s my line, you line stealing floozie!
See, on the script it says Fairy Nice, I’m Fairy Nice, you’re Fairy Kind.
Well Kindly shut it! Who the hell came up with these fairy names?
Yeah, what page are we on anyway?
I have to go to the bathroom for realizes, guys!
[Luis and Marissa try to keep the scene together.]
(Hecklers 1 and 2 get up from front row and leave.)
See, they’re leaving because of you!
(They get in a light slapping match while the rest of the cast argues.)
(Director storms on stage and addresses the audience with a beret on his head.)
I’m sorry, folks. Unfortunately, our rehearsals coincided with the release of Pokemon Go. Thus, we get this:
(Whole cast takes out phones.)
(Driving musical music starts.)
But we really want to be actors, Mark.
Then you’re going to have to work at it, Jordy. For instance, spit out your gum, you’re on stage, [not in a Bubble Yum commercial.]
(Jordy reluctantly spits out huge glob of gum into Mark’s hands.)
And Sarah, your Irish accent is atrocious!
Aye can woik on ‘em, guvnah!
Marissa, stop being so tall.
(Marissa slouches down a little.)
Kelly, keep up the good work.
(They high five.)
Ryan, you’re clearly illiterate.
(Ryan shrugs and turns his script around, revealing that it was just a stick figure with boobs.)
Would a song save the show, Mark?
Luis, you couldn’t sing on key if you were deepthroating a locksmith.
Give us one more chance.
We’re losing half our audience to Jigglypoofs and Youtubes.
Wait, they’re coming back.
HECKLER #1 and HECKLER #2
Box Office said…
(Cast breaks out into chorus.)
That’s actually exactly what they said.
WE WANT TO PUT ON A SHOW,
BUT WE DIDN’T WANT TO REHEARSE THE LINES
I WANT TO LEARN HOW TO READ, BUT AM TOO SCARED OF R.L. STINES’
EXTENSIVE CATALOGUE OF YOUNG ADULT HORROR FICTION EXCUSE ME FOR THE FRICTION, BUT MY CASTMATES ARE NOW SMITTEN WITH THE IDEA. OF PUTTING ON
A GOOD ASS SHOW
A DOPE ASS SHOW
A PRETTY SOLID SHOW
A DONKEY SHOW?
A MEHHHHH SHOW
A PARTICIPATION AWARD-WORTHY SHOW
(Section drops to burlesque-style.)
NO MATTER HOW IT IS, YOU CANNOT EVEN GO
CAUSE YOU’VE INVESTED YOUR $10 AND THE TITLE OF THE SHOW
IS A LEGAL BINDING AGREEMENT SO LET’S JUST HOPE IT DOESN’T BLOW…
(Locksmith comes on stage and hands Luis a key with a wink and smile.)
Don’t mind if I do.
NO! REFUNDS… STARTS NOWWW.