Sears Sketch (Second City Class Project)

In a Sears store checkout line, we see Fred, an older male employee, behind the counter standing waiting for customers to come.

FRED
Really? No one wants to shop at Sears anymore?

Susie, a young woman in rags, walks over towards Fred at the checkout line.

SUSIE
I’ve never seen this place so empty before!

FRED
Who are you?

SUSIE
My name is Susie. I got lost in this place 19 years ago when I was a little girl. Have you seen my Mommy?

FRED
Wait, you’ve been here for 19 years? How come I haven’t seen you until just now?

SUSIE
Good question, Fred!

FRED
How do you know my name?

SUSIE
Your name tag, duh.

FRED
Oh yeah.

SUSIE
Again, have you seen my Mommy?

FRED
No, things have changed a lot. Your Mommy might not even be a Sears customer anymore.

SUSIE
Wait, this place is a Sears?

FRED
Yes, you had no idea you’ve been lost in a Sears for 19 years?

SUSIE
How is this place still in business?

FRED
Actually, we’re going out of business. So unless you’re going to buy something I suggest you leave.

SUSIE
Buy something from Sears? Are you crazy?

FRED
Well Susie, you’ve been lost here for 19 years. You had to survive on items from our store.

SUSIE
Actually, I ordered stuff from Amazon.

FRED
Don’t say that word! It’s forbidden here!

SUSIE
What? Amazon?

FRED
You young people are all the same. You don’t want to drive to your local mall and shop at Sears. You just want to have your shit come to you.

SUSIE
Since you said it like that. Amazon is clearly the winner here.

FRED
Look, are you going to buy something or not?

SUSIE
I just want to find my Mommy. Also I ordered a cookbook from Amazon a few days ago and I’m just waiting for it to be delivered.

FRED
We have plenty of cookbooks here at Sears, you idiot! Just buy one of our cookbooks!

SUSIE
You’re not listening. I already ordered it on Amazon and it should be shipped here real soon.

FRED
Look, just get out of here. You’re legally an adult now, so I have the right to kick your ass out of here. And...

A delivery man walks into the store carrying a package.

DELIVERY MAN
I have a package here for Susie!

SUSIE
Oh my cookbook has arrived! I’ll sign for it my good man!

Susie signs a notepad and then The delivery man hands Susie her package.

DELIVERY MAN
Thanks. Now, what are you two doing in here?

FRED
I work here!

DELIVERY MAN
Wait, people still shop at Sears?

FRED
Not anymore apparently according to you young people. It’s all Amazon now.

DELIVERY MAN
Okay, my work here is done so I’ll be going now. Sorry you wasted your life working at Sears, buddy.

The delivery man exits the scene as Fred begins sobbing.

FRED
I worked here for 50 years. This place used to be full of life. And now it’s all gone!

SUSIE
Dude, it’s just Sears, let it go.

FRED
Maybe you’re right young Susie. Maybe it is time for me to move on.

SUSIE
I guess this is goodbye. In more ways than one.

FRED
You’re right, Susie. I guess I better close this place up for good. Nobody is coming here anymore.

Bob, a male customer, rushes into the store.

BOB
Hi, I noticed the going out of business signs and wanted to see the deals and...

FRED
Get lost! We’re closed!

BOB
Fine, you just lost a customer good sir.

FRED
What else is new!

SUSIE
Well, Fred, I’m off on a quest to find my Mom. But first, I’m going to Toys R Us. I am in a mall after all.

FRED
Yeah funny story about Toys R Us, Susie...

END