EXT. CASTLE GROUNDS-DAY
An overweight king stands on a stage as a crowd cheers “All Hail the King
People are celebrating and cheering “all hail the king” but one guy named STAN, a thin young man, starts to cough a little.
The people all turn around to notice Stan isn’t celebrating with them. The King looking annoyed stares at Stan in the crowd.
KING
Young man, why aren’t you celebrating?
Stan looks back at the king awkwardly and coughs again.
STAN
Sorry, I have a little plague cough. But in all honesty, why are we celebrating right now?
The crowd begins to stare at Stan as The King looks confused.
STAN
I mean, our king kind of sucks. So why do we like this guy again?
The King looks visibly angry as the crowd looks scared. But Stan slowly walks closer to the stage.
STAN
I mean, why do we say all hail the king? Why do we even have a king?
KING
That’s the way it has always been young man.
STAN
Guys, I mean, our king killed a lot of people for stupid reasons like my sister, and Frank, he killed your son Mike, right?
Frank makes a gesture like “don’t look at me” as Stan gets deeper into the crowd.
STAN
You know who else people hailed, Hitler. He wasn’t a great guy too.
The crowd starts to gather their touches and pitchforks as Stan sighs.
STAN
Why do we need a monarchy anyway, we should have a democracy instead and...you’re all going to kill me now, aren’t you?
KING
Get him!
The crowd starts to attack Stan as The King starts to dance. Off in the distance we see GEORGE WASHINGTON, based on the real historical figure, emerging from off screen.
GEORGE
Hello, I’m George Washington and this is exactly why in America we have no kings and...
DONALD TRUMP, based on the real person, enters Tweeting on his phone next to George Washington.
GEORGE
Excuse me, who are you?
DONALD
President Trump, quiet Grandma, I’m tweeting.
GEORGE
Like a bird? And you said you were president of where?
DONALD
America, duh. The election is rigged. Fake news.
GEORGE
I have no idea what that means, but seriously, you’re the current president?
DONALD
Yep. The election is rigged. Fake news.
GEORGE
Who was the president before you?
DONALD
Some black guy who pissed me off.
GEORGE
Black guy, you don’t mean...oh god! Oh lord what happened to my vision.
DONALD
And people think I’m racist.
GEORGE
Shut up! Whether it be a monarchy or a democracy, we’re screwed apparently.
DONALD
I’m tweeting that you’re a loser.
GEORGE
Go ahead, I have to fix up this mess.
DONALD
I thought that was Biden’s job.
GEORGE
Who’s Biden?
DONALD
Oh sleepy Joe, he’s alright I guess and his Vice President Kamala Harris...
GEORGE
Vice President Kamala Harris? What does he do?
DONALD
She’s actually a black woman. About a 7.
GEORGE
Oh fuck no.
DONALD
Again, what’s with this racist stuff Grandma?
STAN (O.S.)
They’re going to cut off my head.
GEORGE
Don’t care! God I’m feeling so many mixed emotions right now.
Stan’s head rolls over towards them and Donald takes a picture of Stan’s head as George sighs.
GEORGE
Damn it all! These were new shoes too.
DONALD
I guess history and government has always been fucked up, huh.
GEORGE
Pretty much and everyone remember to vote.
DONALD
For me!
GEORGE
How do people even like you? Just vote in a democracy because...
DONALD
It’s rigged either way.
GEORGE
Will you just shut up.
END
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