Sunday, March 1, 2026
HEAVENLY WRITERS GROUP (iO Theater Class Project)
INT. HEAVEN: MEETING ROOM-DAY
KYLE walks in holding copies of his manuscript and slips.
ROBERT A. HEINLEIN walks over and helps Kyle up.
HEINLEIN
Are you okay, that looked really
bad?
KYLE
I’m okay, I was clumsy in life and
I’m still clumsy in death.
HEINLEIN
Good, my name is Robert A. Heinlein
and welcome to the second annual
meeting of the Heavenly Writers
Group.
KYLE
Wait, you’re Robert A. Heinlein? As
in the guy that wrote Starship
Troopers?
HEINLEIN
Oh, you thought that I would be in
Hell now did you?
KYLE
Um, well, say, where are the other
writers?
HANS CHRISTIAN ANDERSON, JOAN OF ARC, HP LOVECRAFT, JANE
AUSTIN, and HULK HOGAN enter and sit around the table.
HEINLEIN
Right on time. Let’s welcome our
new member...I didn’t catch your
name son?
KYLE
Hi, I’m Kyle. I used to go to a lot
of these back when I was alive. I
never became a successful writer.
But I always loved coming to these
to get some good feedback.
Joan of Arc stands up and pulls out her sword.
JOAN OF ARC
(Yelling)
I am Joan of Arc! I was burned at
the stake and now I wish to write
poetry!
Robert A. Heinlein walks over and tries to calm Joan down.
HEINLEIN
We’ve been over this Joan, you’re
not on the battlefield anymore.
Take your seat, but since you’re
already up. Would you like some
cookies and punch?
Joan runs over to the snack table and grabs a lot of cookies
and then drinks straight from the punch bowl.
HEINLEIN (O.S.) (CONT’D)
That punch was for the group Ms.
Joan of Arc!
Hans Christian Anderson slowly gets up and starts rubbing
Kyle’s shoulder.
HANS
(Shy)
Hi, I’m Hans Christian Anderson. I
love to write fairy tales. I wrote
The Little Mermaid. And I just...
Hans lays down on the table and puts his pen over his mouth
like a microphone.
HANS (CONT’D)
(Singing)
I want to be, part of your world!
Hans slowly sits back down.
HP Lovecraft grins and rubs a
black book.
HP LOVECRAFT
Hello, I am HP Lovecraft and I
write horror stories. With this
book in hand, I will summon
Cthulhu. All will go mad!
Robert A. Heinlein grabs the book out of HP Lovecraft’s hand
and throws it into a trash can.
HEINLEIN
How many times have I told you not
to read from that book?
HP LOVECRAFT
Four times Mr. Heinlein. But
please, I just really want to
summon Cthulhu.
HP Lovecraft makes puppy dog eyes and Robert A. Heinlein
slaps him.
HEINLEIN
Knock it off Lovecraft! Stop
looking at me with those puppy dog
eyes.
Jane Austin cracks open a beer and chugs it.
JANE AUSTIN
Sup, I’m Jane Austin. Author of who
gives a crap. And you can’t even
pay me to be here, nerds.
Hulk Hogan rips his shirt off and then puts on reading
glasses.
HULK HOGAN
Hello, brother, my name is Hulk
Hogan. In life, I was a
professional wrestler. But in
death, I just wanted to learn how
to write YA novels. I have this
killer idea...
Robert A. Heinlein bangs a gavel and then points his gavel at
Kyle.
HEINLEIN
We’ll get to you in a moment Mr.
Hogan. But let’s have our newest
member Kyle go first.
Kyle passes out his manuscript to everyone and then sits back
down.
KYLE
Okay, I wanted to share my latest
comedy sketch with you all.
Joan screams and pulls out her sword.
JOAN OF ARC
No comedy writers! Not after the
last one!
Joan stabs Kyle. Hulk Hogan and Jane Austin restrain Joan.
JANE AUSTIN
Calm down Joan! Take it easy lass!
HULK HOGAN
It’s okay, Joan! This new guy might
be funny, brother!
Kyle pulls the sword from out of his chest and turns towards
Robert A. Heinlein.
HEINLEIN
Are you okay Kyle? The last time we
had a comedy writer here, it didn’t
go well.
KYLE
I’m fine, luckily I’m already dead.
Who was the last comedy writer to
attend the group.
HEINLEIN
Lenny Bruce.
KYLE
You’re kidding? Lenny Bruce? Like,
one of the greatest comedians ever
Lenny Bruce?
HEINLEIN
We don’t talk about it. Now just
share your story and...
HP Lovecraft grabs his black book and reads from it. A
demonic laugh is heard.
HP LOVECRAFT
I did it! I did it! I summoned
Cthulhu!
Robert A. Heinlein, Kyle, Hulk Hogan, Joan, Hans, and Jane
Austin shake in fear.
CTHULHU (V.O.)
Foolish mortals! You have awakened
Cthulhu! Now then, prepare to go
into the mountains of madness
and...tell me how I can get an
agent!
Robert A. Heinlein clears his throat and looks up to the sky.
HEINLEIN
If you wanted to know how to get an
agent, we don’t know how either.
We’re a writers group for Christ’s
sake!
CTHULHU (V.O.)
Oh, then mind if I read aloud my YA
novel?
Hulk Hogan pushes Robert A. Heinlein aside.
HULK HOGAN
You write YA novels too?
CTHULHU (V.O.)
Yes, it is my life’s passion!
HULK HOGAN
Oh we got to let Cthulhu into the
group, brother! Please Heinlein!
Kyle looks at his watch.
KYLE
Sorry, I have to go. I volunteer at
the animal shelter up here in
heaven. Let’s just say that all
dogs really do get into heaven and
they all need to go poopy.
END
SUPERGIRL'S INTERVENTION (iO Theater Class Project)
INT. FORTRESS OF SOLITUDE-DAY
SUPERMAN, LOIS LANE, BATMAN, GREEN LANTERN, and SPIDERMAN sit
in a circle when SUPERGIRL enters and throws a beer bottle at
the wall.
SUPERGIRL
(Drunk)
Where’s my dog Krypto? And why are
all you jerks here?
Superman escorts Supergirl to an empty chair.
SUPERMAN
We’ve had enough. This is your
intervention, Supergirl. We’re
worried about you and your drinking
problem.
Supergirl turns her head and looks at Lois Lane.
SUPERGIRL
(Drunk)
Why is she here?
LOIS
Because Superman doesn’t have that
many friends. And I’m his
girlfriend.
SUPERGIRL
(Drunk)
Why is Spiderman here? He’s
literally from the Marvel Universe.
Get out of here, this is DC, nerd!
Spiderman clears his throat and pulls out a piece of paper.
SPIDERMAN
Supergirl, we are worried about
you. We love you. We want you to go
to rehab funded by Batman.
Batman looks over to Superman.
BATMAN
Why am I paying for her rehab?
SUPERMAN
Because you’re rich, remember?
BATMAN
I didn’t get rich by giving to
charity.
SUPERMAN
No, you got rich because your rich
parents are dead.
BATMAN
Dude, that’s mean! Your parents are
dead too.
SUPERMAN
Well, my evil Kryptonian parents
are dead. I still have Ma and Pa
Kent, my real parents.
BATMAN
I have Alfred.
SUPERMAN
You literally pay your butler to be
your foster father. Doesn’t that
seem odd?
BATMAN
(Crying)
Alfred loves me. Why are you such a
jerk?
Superman slaps Batman.
SUPERMAN
Enough, this is about Supergirl and
getting her sober and...oh God damn
it!
Supergirl drinks a beer and twerks in front of Green Lantern.
SUPERMAN (O.S.) (CONT’D)
Supergirl, please stop that! This
is serious!
GREEN LANTERN
No, please don’t stop, Supergirl.
I’m kind of digging this.
Green Lantern hands Supergirl some money.
SUPERGIRL
(Drunk)
I got some green from Green
Lantern.
Spiderman gets up.
SPIDERMAN
Hey guys, I should probably get
going. I mean I am owned by Marvel
and you can only have me here for
so long.
Superman whistles.
SUPERMAN
Enough! Let’s get back to...wait,
what the heck?
Supergirl makes out with STAN LEE who sits in a chair.
SPIDERMAN (O.S.)
Oh my God? God?
Stan Lee stops making out with Supergirl and then gives her
some cash.
STAN LEE
Thanks for that, Supergirl.
SUPERGIRL
(Drunk)
Anything for a fan, Stan?
Stan Lee slowly gets up from his chair.
STAN LEE
Stop this, my children. I’m Stan
Lee the creator of Marvel Comics
and...
Superman whispers into Stan Lee’s ear.
STAN LEE (CONT’D)
What’s that? I’m in the DC
Universe. Holy crap! I’m in Hell!
Stan Lee out!
Stan Lee runs away. Supergirl wraps her arms around Green
Lantern and Spiderman.
SUPERGIRL
(Drunk)
This intervention was pointless
once again, cuz. Come on boys,
let’s go get drunk at Chili’s.
Supergirl escorts Green Lantern and Spiderman out of the
room. Superman sighs and Lois Lane taps Superman’s shoulder.
LOIS
We forgot to tell her that we had
to rehome Krypto.
SUPERMAN
I know, but at least Krypto’s new
owner seems happy.
THE HULK lies on the ground and Krypto licks him.
THE HULK
Hulk love puppy! Hulk and puppy
going to be friends forever!
Superman, Lois Lane, and Batman laugh.
BATMAN
Oh that’s our Hulk!
LOIS LANE
Well, legally The Hulk is from
Marvel and we’re DC. But at least
Krypto is happy too!
SUPERMAN
And Supergirl still has a drinking
problem. We solved nothing once
again!
END
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)