Hail, Caesar!/The Bachelor Parody Sketch Idea (Second City Class Project)

Here’s an idea that I had for a sketch that’s a parody of the Coen Brothers film Hail, Caesar! and the reality show The Bachelor. The sketch will be a parody trailer and will follow a network fixer at ABC who covers up the contestant’s scandals. It will parody real scandals from the show like a contestant being racist, only doing it to be on TV, etc. And insane far out ideas like one the male Bachelor gets pregnant, or contestants are an extraterrestrial, or the Anti-Christ, etc. Plus, the network fixer is offered a more generous job offer to work for MTV’s Catfish. I picture the sketch ending with the network fixer taking the job offer from MTV and then it cuts to ABC announcing that The Bachelor is canceled both the show and the contestants. That’s my idea and hopefully I’ll write a draft eventually.

COO-COO BIRD AND DINGO’S FINAL CHASE!

It’s officially an end of an era. Two Australian legends decide that it’s finally time for them to retire. I’m of course talking about Coo-Coo Bird and Dingo. They both feel like the magic is gone and have decided to go out with a bang. Dingo will chase Coo-Coo Bird one last time on Pay-Per-View in an event promoted by the Silly Squad founder himself Flea-Boy the Clown. With commentators Joe, Funclock, and Spotty calling the action. After a brief session of therapy with Smart Raptor, Coo-Coo Bird and Dingo are ready for their final chase in the outback. “This is it, the last time we’ll ever see…wait? Dingo already caught Coo-Coo Bird? That was quick. Show’s over. Thanks for watching I’ve been Spotty and...,” said Spotty. Then Flea-Boy the Clown turns off the TV to yell at Dingo. It’s the day after the final chase and Flea-Boy the Clown is pissed off. “What the heck Dingo? You caught Coo-Coo Bird too quickly and then you ate him live on camera. Now I have to give millions of customers refunds because you ruined the Pay-Per-View,” yelled Flea-Boy the Clown. “I’m sorry, Mr. Clown. It’s just that Coo-Coo Bird and I really are done with this shit. Coo-Coo Bird wanted to be put out of his misery. And now I lost and ate my only true friend,” said Dingo. “You owe me big time. Pay back the money you owe me, or I’ll see you in court,” said Flea-Boy the Clown. “I have a better idea, mate,” said Dingo. Dingo pulls out a gun and shoots Flea-Boy the Clown. After shooting Flea-Boy the Clown, Dingo steals valuable items from Flea-Boy the Clown’s office and flees the scene. Dingo is back home in his RV in the outback and looks at himself in the mirror. “It’s time for this Dingo to break bad,” said Dingo. 

One year after his final chase with Coo-Coo Bird, Dingo has become the biggest drug lord in all of Australia and fugitive. Dingo is making meth with Spotty in his RV. “Yo, cola me, bitch,” said Spotty. “Spotty, we need to find a new distributor for our Australian flag meth if we want to continue to make money,” said Dingo. “Also, you killed our last four distributors too,” said Spotty. Dingo pulls out a knife and points it at Spotty’s neck. “That’s not a knife, is it?” asked Spotty. Dingo laughs and pulls out an even bigger knife. “No, this is a knife,” said Dingo. Then there’s a knock on the RV door and Dingo releases Spotty. Dingo answers the door and its Flea-Boy the Clown. “Flea-Boy? I thought you were dead,” said Dingo. “Oh no. I’m very much alive. I hear you’re looking for a new distributor for your meth,” said Flea-Boy the Clown. “Why do you want to distribute my meth? I thought you hated me,” said Dingo. “You still owe me money and I figured this is how you’ll pay me back. Now let me see your fine product,” said Flea-Boy the Clown. Dingo and Spotty showed Flea-Boy the Clown a tray of Dingo’s Australian flag meth and Flea-Boy the Clown tried a sample. “This is some good shit! And I love the Australian flag color too. What’s your secret?” asked Flea-Boy the Clown. “I’ll tell you. For the right price,” said Dingo. But just then, DEA agents broke into Dingo’s RV and arrested him and Spotty. “What the Hell?” asks Dingo. Flea-Boy the Clown starts laughing and snaps his fingers. “This is for shooting me, asshole. I ratted you out to the DEA with the help of your partner Spotty of course,” said Flea-Boy the Clown. “Why Spotty did you betray me Spotty?” asked Dingo. “Flea-Boy promised me a ticket to the Lincoln Park Zoo if I ratted you out to the DEA,” cried Spotty. “You don’t need a ticket to go to the Lincoln Park Zoo, you idiot. It’s free admission for all,” yelled Dingo. “Then it’s guilt I felt then for what we were doing. Also, I wanted to get a better deal,” said Spotty. “I hate everyone in this RV right now,” said Dingo. And just like that, Dingo was given the death penalty for his crimes and was executed four months later. Now Dingo is in Hell, but he’s not alone. His old friend Coo-Coo Bird is there and now they both have to chase each other for eternity. What a cruel fate this is for these two old friends. And yet a blessing for all the fans who loved to watch them chase each other. 

THE END!

CHILLIE CHINCHILLA: STAR INTERN

At Silly Squad INC. headquarters, Igor and Fatty the Elephant Seal were supervising four new interns. Three of the four new interns were Jag the Jaguar, Barack Blenny, Amy Supersize. But the most important intern for this story is Chillie Chinchilla. Chillie Chinchilla is an up-and-coming Latin American stand-up comedian who was been working her way to the top of the comedy world. Her goal is to become an employee and member of the Silly Squad. Yet, to get to the top, you have to start at the bottom. So, for now, Chillie Chinchilla is just an unpaid intern with big dreams and street smarts. Igor and Fatty the Elephant Seal are showing the interns around the office. “Welcome interns to the Silly Squad family. This company was founded 25 years ago by Flea-Boy the Clown after he was fired from the circus. With its humble beginnings as children’s party entertainment services business, it would today grow into one of the world’s largest media and entertainment companies. Now are there any questions?” asked Igor. Jag the Jaguar raised his hand. “Yes, Mr. Jag Jaguar,” said Igor. “Um, is it true that Flea-Boy the Clown’s head is frozen underneath Logger’s Run at Silly Land?” asked Jag the Jaguar. “No that’s not true. And our founder is very much still alive. As far as I know,” said Igor. “I believe you’re thinking of Walt Disney and the urban legend of him being frozen underneath the Matterhorn at Disneyland,” said Chillie Chinchilla. “We dare not speak the name of Disney here. And we don’t have Walt’s frozen head hidden away in…,” yelled Fatty the Elephant Seal. Igor slapped Fatty the Elephant Seal in the face before he could that sentence and Fatty the Elephant Seal started to rub his face. “Now then, let’s assign everyone their duties,” said Igor. 

Each intern was a assigned a role within the company. Amy Supersize joined the cafeteria staff. Jag the Jaguar became a security guard. Barack Blenny became a mail clerk. As for Chillie Chinchilla, she became Igor’s secretary. “Okay, my first day. This is exciting. I finally joined the Silly Squad. I can’t wait for my first task. I better now blow it,” said Chillie Chinchilla. Igor pages Chillie Chinchilla and she answers. “Hello, what do you need Mr. Igor? Oh, coffee and doughnuts. Right away sir,” said Chillie Chinchilla. Chillie Chinchilla went out to get coffee and doughnuts for Igor. Meanwhile Jag the Jaguar was snooping around Silly Squad INC. headquarters and he found a secret door hidden behind a filing cabinet. Jag the Jaguar scanned a card at a keypad and the secret hidden door opened. As Chillie Chinchilla returned from getting the coffee and doughnuts, she spotted Jag the Jaguar entering the secret door. Chillie Chinchilla followed behind Jag the Jaguar through the secret door. Chillie Chinchilla followed Jag the Jaguar down a long hallway which led to a room filled with cryogenic chambers. Jag the Jaguar began shinning his flashlight at the cryogenic chambers. Chillie Chinchilla looked around and saw that inside the cryogenic chambers were famous animaters and cartoonists. Chillie Chinchilla saw cryogenic chambers that contained Jack Kirby, William Hanna, Joseph Barbera, Butch Hartman, Genndy Tartakovsky, Bob Kane, Paul Norris, Tex Avery, Chuck Jones, Robert McKimson, Ollie Johnson, Art Babbitt, and Ralph Bakshi. Chillie Chinchilla was both frighten and confused at what she was seeing. Jag the Jaguar stopped and began to open one of the cryogenic chambers. “Jag, what are you doing?” asked Chillie Chinchilla. “Mind your business Chillie and get lost. I’m doing a job for my real boss and unfreezing Walt Disney,” said Jag the Jaguar. “Wait? Walt Disney is frozen inside the Silly Squad headquarters. Why does Silly Squad have Walt Disney and all these animators frozen?” asked Chillie Chinchilla. “I don’t know. Anyway Mr. Coyote of Coyote Corp wanted me to get Walt Disney so…,” said Jag the Jaguar. “Oh God damn it! Coyote sent one of his interns again to try and steal Walt Disney,” screamed a mysterious voice. Jag the Jaguar and Chillie Chinchilla turned around to see Igor and Fatty the Elephant Seal standing behind them. “Igor? What the actual fuck! Why is Silly Squad freezing animators?” asked Chillie Chinchilla. “Let’s just say that Flea-Boy the Clown likes to loan out talent to other studios and you’re looking at the talent. Now both of you get out of here before we have the real security throw you out,” said Igor. “Igor, I think I have a better idea,” said Fatty the Elephant Seal. 

And so, Chillie Chinchilla was no longer an intern for the Silly Squad and lost her dream of becoming a member of the Silly Squad. But in the end, she was relieved that she left the Silly Squad internship program after learning about their horrible secret which she tried to share with the world, but no one believed her. Jag the Jaguar was given Don Bluth instead of Walt Disney much to the annoyance of his boss Coyote who wanted to play golf with Walt Disney and not Don Bluth. As for the two interns who remained, Amy Supersize ate all the food in the Silly Squad headquarters cafeteria and fled and Barack Blenny became the world’s greatest mail clerk and would eventually become CEO of Silly Squad INC. And all the animators and cartoonists remain cryogenically frozen inside the basement of Silly Squad INC. headquarters. 

THE END!

Vikings Remake Part 11

Soon Lancelot headed to the trainee bedroom. “Wake up everyone,” yelled Lancelot. Soon all the trainees woke up and stood up. “Now you’re all going on a mission for the king,” yelled Lancelot. “What mission is that sir,” asked Arthur Pendragon. “The king has ordered me to send you trainees and the entire royal guard out to find the Holy Grail, now get dressed in your armor and go…go…go,” yelled Lancelot. Soon all the trainees began to put their armor on and grabbed their weapons. After a couple of hours getting ready…all the royal guard left the kingdom and were off to look for the Holy Grail. “Those fools, now it’s time for part two of the plan,” said Lancelot to himself. Now we go to King Hrothgar’s bedroom where he was sleeping. Lancelot then broke into King Hrothgar’s bedroom. “Wake up you fat bastard,” cried Lancelot. King Hrothgar awoke freighted and looked around his bedroom. “Lancelot, what’s going on,” cried King Hrothgar. “Oh, nothing much…I sent the entire royal guard to look for the Holy Grail while I kill you,” said Lancelot. “You what,” cried King Hrothgar. Then Lancelot stabbed King Hrothgar in the heart and slowly King Hrothgar began to die. “Lancelot…why…wh…,” said King Hrothgar in pain. “Because I want power…now that you’re dead…I’m king,” yelled Lancelot. Soon King Hrothgar died and then Lancelot heard clapping behind him. Lancelot turned around and saw Loki. “Hello…King Lancelot,” said Loki. Then Loki and Lancelot began to laugh evilly. Now there’s a new king…King Lancelot. King Lancelot’s reign is about to begin, and chaos will also occur with it!

Vikings Remake Part 10

The Holy Grail, in this tale if you drink it, you will gain the powers of a god. Now it seems Loki will use it to do more tricks on the mortals. It has been three years since our heroes went on a quest to look for the Wishing Ruby. Lacey and Vanessa continued to run the shoe shop while Justin, Snow White, and Beowulf joined the royal guard to make a little more money for this so-called family of friends. Our story begins when Justin, Snow White, and Beowulf were trainees in the royal guard along with the other trainees Culhwch, Gawain, Lamorak, and Arthur Pendragon. Arthur Pendragon was bullied by the other trainees except for Justin, Snow White, and Beowulf. Soon Justin, Snow White, and Beowulf became very good friends with Arthur Pendragon. Soon all the trainees found out a Jousting tournament was being held at that they were all participants. 

But little do our heroes know is that one of the trainees will be a future king. Now we go to the bedrooms of the trainees where Justin, Snow White, Beowulf, and Arthur Pendragon were talking to each other about the big jousting tournament tomorrow. “I hope I can come out of this tournament alive,” said Snow White. “Same here,” said Arthur. “Snow White, you really impress me, you were once a Viking and now you’re about to become a member of the royal guard,” said Beowulf. “Yah, I guess going from Viking to knight is a big accomplishment…but yet I feel like a sellout…like I’m not a real Viking anymore,” said Snow White. “Snow White, you’re a good guy now and that’s all that matters,” said Justin. “Thanks, it’s nice to have friends like you guys,” said Snow White. “We better get some sleep, we have a big day tomorrow,” said Arthur. “Yah, good night, everyone,” said Justin. Then our heroes went to sleep and now we go to King Hrothgar’s throne room where King Hrothgar was sitting on his throne and Sir Lancelot stood by his side. “I’m so excited about the Jousting tournament tomorrow, Lancelot, your boys better be ready,” said King Hrothgar. “I just can’t believe Beowulf is a trainee, that poor bastard…but your majesty I was wondering about something,” said Sir Lancelot. “What are you wondering Lancelot,” asked King Hrothgar. “You know how we were given the map to the Holy Grail…we should look for it…if you drink it my king, you’ll be not only a ruler…but a god,” said Sir Lancelot. King Hrothgar started to laugh and then he gave a sigh. “Lancelot me boy, I don’t want the grail…I’m happy just to be king and nothing more,” said King Hrothgar. King Hrothgar then yawned and then he patted Lancelot on the back. “Boy I’m I tired, I better get to bed…good night, Lancelot see you in the morning,” yawned King Hrothgar. King Hrothgar then left the throne room and headed to his bedroom. “One day that fat ass of king will be out of power…and since he has no heir…I will be the next king,” said Lancelot to himself. Then Lancelot heard laughing and he began to look around the throne room. Just then from out of nowhere Loki appeared in front of him. “Who the hell are you,” cried Lancelot. “Why I’m Loki….I can lead you to the Holy Grail,” said Loki. “I’m listening,” said Lancelot. “I have a plan of how you can not only get the grail…but become a king,” said Loki. “King…me a king…can you make it so,” asked Lancelot. “Not without your help…now here’s what we do,” said Loki. Loki then began to explain his evil plan to Lancelot and Lancelot listened to Loki’s plan in excitement. What is Loki’s evil plan and why is Lancelot working with him. I guess Lancelot would do anything to have power…but can our heroes stop them? And how is this plan going to affect our heroes? I guess only time will tell!

Vikings Remake Part 9

As soon as our heroes returned home, and life went back to normal. Justin, Snow White, Lacey, Vanessa, and Beowulf reopened the Longfellow shoe shop. Now Justin, Snow White, Lacey, Vanessa, and Beowulf continued Paul Longfellow’s legacy of shoemaking. Justin and Vanessa were soon engaged to be married. Snow White and Lacey were also engaged to be married. And our heroes were just living normal lives. Now we go to the heavens where Loki, Hela, and Grendel plotting their next evil plan. “Thanks for bringing Grendel back to life Hela, now I have an idea of how we can rule the mortals,” said Loki. “What plan is that father,” asked Hela. “Remember the Holy Grail, we need to trick a mortal into drinking…but which mortal,” asked Loki. “I found one that may work father,” said Hela. “Who is it,” asked Loki. “His name is Sir Lancelot, I sense darkness and power hunger in his heart, he’s the one,” said Hela. “Then I guess we’ll trick this Lancelot, it’ll be easy,” said Loki. Then Hela, Loki, and Grendel began to laugh evilly. A new quest was about to begin!

Vikings Remake Part 8

Justin, Snow White, Lacey, Vanessa, and Dinky the Bernese Mountain dog made it to the Wishing Ruby Island. “Alright, I think the Wishing Ruby is inside a cave like last time, now let’s head to the mountains,” said Justin. Our heroes soon journeyed through a tropical jungle, crossed over a lagoon, and hiked up a huge mountain and then our heroes made it to the entrance of the cave which had the Wishing Ruby inside. “Alright, let’s head in,” said Justin. Our heroes soon went inside the cave, and it was filled with booby-traps. Finally, our heroes made it to the section of the cave with the Wishing Ruby. The Wishing Ruby stood atop a case and around the Wishing Ruby was treasure. “Alright, we can finally make our wishes come true,” said Justin. But before our heroes could grabbed the Wishing Ruby…Babaduse walked in, and his Viking henchmen grabbed our heroes. “At long last, I can grant my wish,” said Babaduse. “Not so fast Babaduse, shouldn’t we kill these fools,” said Loki. “Who put you in charge,” cried Babaduse. “What…I’m the boss,” cried Loki. Loki and Babaduse soon began to argue and while they were arguing Justin escaped. Justin grabbed the Wishing Ruby, and his first wish was to have three more wishes. “Hey what the…that asshole nephew of mine is granting wishes why I…,” yelled Babaduse in anger. “I wish Babaduse would be turned into solid gold,” yelled Justin. Just then Babaduse turned into a statue made of solid gold. “I wish Snow White’s aging curse was broken,” yelled Justin. Just then Snow White turned back into a young man. “I’m young again,” cried Snow White. “I wish Vanessa’s curse was broken,” yelled Justin. 

Just then Vanessa turned into a beautiful young woman. “I’m me again,” cried Vanessa. As soon as all the wishes were granted the stone shattered in a million pieces. “Bro, what about bringing dad back to life,” asked Lacey. “I love him, and I will continue to love him, I hate to say this…but maybe it’s a good thing he was killed because now we can move on with our dreams,” said Justin. Soon Babaduse’s Viking henchmen looked at their leader who was now a solid gold statue. “Come on boys, let’s sell Babaduse’s solid gold body for some beer,” yelled one of the Vikings. Babaduse’s Viking henchmen took their leader who is now a golden statue, and they are just going to sell it for things they want. I guess Babaduse is now a treasure himself. Soon our heroes were heading back to their boat when from out of the shoreline washed up an old friend. “Oh my god…its Beowulf,” cried Justin in excitement. Our heroes ran up to Beowulf and he soon awoke. “Lucky, I survived that Sea Dragon attack, I didn’t kill the bloody thing, but I scared him off,” said Beowulf. “Sorry you couldn’t get your wish granted,” said Justin. “I’m just glad to be alive and have new friends,” said Beowulf. “Do you need us to carry you on to the boat,” asked Justin. “Nah, I can walk it,” said Beowulf. Beowulf stood up and then our heroes were headed back to their home kingdom, and it seems they completed their quest. Now their futures seem bright!