ACT I
In a local
outlet mall in a small town there is a pretty cool comic shop run by an
overweight nerdy asshole named Jeff.
Today Jeff is working at his comic shop and is bored while waiting for
customers to come in.
Jeff
Damn
internet! Kids today don’t want to buy
comic books anymore! If this keeps up, I
may have to close my store. That would
stink because this is the easiest job in the world
Eddy, a
large fidgety man walks into the store.
Eddy
Hello, my
name is Eddy…and I get to buy one toy
Jeff
Okay, the action
figures are over there. Please pick one,
buy it, and then get the hell out of my store
Eddy grabs a
Super Dude action figure and begins skipping with excitement
Eddy
This one
with the cool haircut and the sunglasses is awesome! I can play with this one for-for-for forever?
Jeff
Okay, one
mint condition Super Dude action figure…that’ll be $4,000. Will that be cash or check?
Eddy hands
Jeff a dime and gives Jeff a stupid smile.
Jeff sighs in frustration.
Jeff
Okay, I need
more money than just a dime!
Eddy (while twitching & screaming)
Dime is all I have. Can give me toy now?
Jeff
Get the hell
out of my store!
Eddy
But me need
him….my little Hulk buddy need buddy too and Barbie broke up with Hulk and
Captain America think Hulk suffer low self-esteem and need new girlfriend, but
Hulk tell him he gay and that why he angry.
Like my Daddy and he hit Mommy like my Daddy and….
Jeff
What are you
talking about? None of what you said comes from the comic books. Also, do you
still live with your parents? Well I
still do too, but that’s not the point. You need $4,000 in order to buy that
rare collectable Super Dude action figure or else get the hell out of my store!
Eddy
I like
pizza!
Jeff
What does
that have to do with anything we’re talking about!
Eddy
Do you have
pizza here or candy…well me gave you dime and me go now with my new buddy Super
Dude and go eat pizza and….
Jeff
Again, you
do not have enough money for toy! Put
toy back where you found it and leave my store!
Eddy
I like pizza….and
puppies!
Eddy just
stood there twitching and smiling and Jeff grabbed him and threw him out!
Jeff
And don’t
come back until you have more money!
After Jeff
threw Eddy out he began to cry and then he stopped when he saw that across the
street was a pizza place!
Eddy
PIZZA! HOPE
PIZZA GUY TAKE ME DIME! PIZZZZZZZAAAAAA!
Eddy runs to
the pizza place and Jeff grins!
Jeff
That poor
idiot. Now if one more freaking idiot
comes in here I’ll…
Eddy come
back with a piece of pizza and a Mountain Dew chewing loudly and making a mess.
Eddy
ME GET
PIZZA! HI FRIEND!
Jeff
NO EATING IN
MY STORE! GET OUT BEFORE I CALL THE POLICE! Or at least the mental hospital or
the preschool!
Eddy
PRESCHOOL
TODAY! YEAAAAAAHHHH! ME MAKE NOODLE ART! BYE FAT FRIEND!
Eddy runs
out of the store excitedly and drops the pizza and Mountain Dew on the floor!
Jeff
Is that 30
year old man really still in preschool?
Or did I do another good job at kicking out annoying costumer? Well slow day. Hope I get someone who has money this time!
A couple of
hours past when Jeff finally got another customer…sadly it was Stupid Kid.
Jeff
Hello, buy
something or get out!
(To be continued…if part 2 is wanted
for next class, but for now enjoy only the beginning of this sketch)
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