ACT I
In
Hollywood, at a huge mansion, John Travolta & Tom Cruise are having….A GAME
NIGHT!
John Travolta
Oh my god!
My first game night! With my best friend! OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD! YOU KNOW?
Tom Cruise
For the last
time! I’m not your best friend and the only reason we’re hanging out together
is that nobody likes us!
John Travolta
Yeah, Scientology
kind of turns people off, you know? OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD! What should we play?
I brought Battleship, Mouse Trap, Trivial Pursuit, The Battlefield Earth Game…
Tom Cruise
What in the
hell is the Battlefield Earth game?
John Travolta
OH MY GOD!
It’s the best game ever! It goes like this! You make a bunch of crappy movies,
then one hit movie that leads to other hit movies! Then you land on the Battlefield Earth
space….you lose money….it’s kinda like Monopoly, but it’s based on a real
story!
Tom Cruise
YEAH! How
about we just play Yahtzee?
John Travolta
OH MY GOD Yahtzee!
Yahtzee, Yahtzee, Yahtzee….and after we play Yahtzee, do you want to watch a
couple of bad movies?
Tom Cruise
Which bad
movie do you want to watch?
John Travolta
Which ones
did we star in?
Tom Cruise
then sighed!
John Travolta
Did you hear
people think we’re gay? I mean we have wives don’t we? Whatever happened too….
Tom Cruise
CAN WE
PLEASE PLAY SOME FREAKING YAHTZEE? WE
HAVE TO BE ON THE SET IN 24 HOURS! GOD! WHY YOU? WHY ME?!?!
John
Travolta begins to cry!
John Travolta (crying)
OH MY GOD!
OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD……Welcome Back, Kotter!
Tom
Cruise
What are you
talking about?
John Travolta
Welcome
Back, Kotter is on at five o’clock and if we watch it, I get money! OH MY GOD!
OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD!
Tom Cruise
Don’t you
mean, OH MY L. RON HUBBARD? THERE IS NO GOD! ONLY L. RON HUBBARD!
John Travolta
I know that!
But I only say OH MY GOD a lot because I don’t know many…what do you call them?
WORDS! YAHTZEE!
Tom Cruise
We’ve
haven’t even started playing yet!
John Travolta
I know! I
JUST LIKE SAYING YAHTZEE! YAHTZEE! OH MY GOD! YAHTZEE! OH MY GOD! YAHTZEE!
YAHTZEE! OH MY GOD! Welcome Back, Kotter!
Tom Cruise (sighing)
You’re worse
than Rain Man!
John Travolta
I didn’t see
that movie! Was he in the X-Men or something?
Tom Cruise
JUST ROLL!
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