(In a classroom at Xavier's
School for Gifted Youngsters)
(Professor X is sitting in his
wheelchair and the X-Men Rejects are standing in a row before him)
PROFESSOR X
Well, I gave you my all, I taught you what I can, but in the end
each of you are utterly useless. I found out that only one of you is an actual
mutant. I’m afraid I have to fire you all from the X-Men. Here’s a Rolex watch
and a cookie.
KOALA
GIRL
Hold it! We’re getting fired! But we’re great superheroes!
PROFESSOR X
(SIGHING)
No you’re not! Your powers, for example, are that you have koalas
fight your battles for you! You know how useless a koala is? Yes they’re cute
and all, but seriously this place smells like crap and your koalas attacked
many of my students. I’m faced with so many lawsuits right because of all the
koala attacks!
KOALA GIRL
So koalas are powerful?
PROFESSOR X
(ANNOYED)
Koala Girl, okay, you’re making this difficult! I mean yes koalas
are animals and they do bite people sometimes! But a koala alone can’t stop Magneto. Plus, I hate animals in general. So
just get out!
KOALA GIRL
(COCKY)
WHATEVER PROFESSOR X! I ALREADY GOT A JOB OFFER WITH THE
AVENGERS ANYWAY! KOALA GIRL’S GONNA KICK SOME ULTRON ASS! BOOM! KOALA GIRL’S OUT OF HERE! COME ON MY DARLINGS!
(Koala
Girl exits the scene with her pet koalas following behind her)
CHICKEN MAN
Do you guys want some nuggets?
PROFESSSOR X
Oh Chicken Man, a superhero whose main
weapon is a gun that shoots chicken nuggets. Luckily, there’s hope for you my
friend! I just sent your resume to McDonalds and they agreed to hire you, but
only if you can just take off your chicken suit!
CHICKEN MAN
(YELLING)
NEVER! I
don't wanna be a chicken. I don't wanna be a duck. So I shake my butt! Na na na
na na na na na na na na na!
PROFESSOR X
Why did you just yell the words to “The
Chicken Dance” song?
CHICKEN MAN
I say these words as I leave, for I am the
Chicken Man and I will never take this suit off! Ever! Good day Professor X!
Thanks for the McDonalds job offer. But I think I’ll work for my Uncle Bruce Wayne instead.
(Chicken Man gets
a text from Uncle Bruce Wayne and reads the text)
CHICKEN
MAN
My uncle’s here to pick me
up! Good day peasants!
(Break
Man is looking out the window as Chicken Man exits the scene)
BREAK MAN
(POINTING OUT
EXCITEDLY OUT THE WINDOW)
COOL! LOOK GUYS! THE
BATMOBILE’S OUTSIDE! BATMAN’S GOING TO JOIN THE X-MEN NOW! Oh wait the
Batmobile’s driving away. Sorry, false alarm fellas!
PROFESSOR X
Break Man! Do you know why you’re an X-Men Reject?
BREAK MAN
Because I can do this! HIT IT!
(Break Man begins breakdancing while Professor X has his
hand over his face in embarrassment)
PROFESSOR X
Yes pretty much because of that! You’re fired now, get out
of here!
(Break Man dances out of the scene and Professor X stares
directly at The Scissor)
THE SCISSOR
(IN A VERY CREEPY TONE)
SCISSORS!
PROFESSOR X
Now as for you, The Scissor, I was actually proud of
your work…
THE SCISSOR
(IN A CREEPY TONE WHILE CUTTING HIS SCISSORS)
SNIP! SNIP! CUT! CUT! CUT!
PROFESSOR X
But a lot of the students have complained about your after
school behavior! As much as it pains me, you’re fired!
THE SCISSOR
(IN A CREEPY TONE)
THE BLADE IS FINALLY SHARP NOW! I’M FREE!
PROFESSOR X
(LAUGHING)
You always know how to make me laugh The Scissor!
THE SCISSOR
(IN A CREEPY TONE)
NEXT TIME WE MEET! MY BLADES WILL BE COVERED IN
HELLFIRE BECAUSE WE’LL BE IN HELL! TOGETHER IN DEATH BUT NEVER IN LIFE!
PROFESSOR X
(LAUGHING)
You’re killing me bro! Ah! Anyway, best of luck to you
the world is at your mercy!
THE SCISSOR
(IN A CREEPY TONE)
INDEED! BEFORE I GO! I HAD ONE LAST QUESTION…
PROFESSOR X
What?
THE SCISSOR
(NORMAL TONE)
When will I get my severance
package?
PROFESSOR X
Oh boy you’re a joker until
the end…but no seriously just get the hell out of here!
(Blackout.)
No comments:
Post a Comment