(In an office building, Bob Kane and Jerry Robinson
are lying back in their chairs next to their drawing boards having a
conversation)
BOB KANE
Hey Jerry, do you think that
Green Arrow is a Batman rip off? Like, should I sue that guy or something?
JERRY ROBINSON
Does The
Scarlet Pimpernel mean anything to you?
BOB
KANE
Oh yeah, totally forgot that Batman was a rip off too! Nothing’s
original anymore! Hey, when do you think the money will start pouring in? I
mean Batman’s going to be a hit sooner or later, right?
(Bill Finger walks in holding a contract)
BILL
FINGER
(PISSED OFF)
What the hell, Bob! You created Batman! Seriously?
BOB
KANE
Well, I did create Batman! I pitched it too you and you loved
it!
BILL FINGER
Bob, you came to me after Jerry and Joe made a shit load of
money after creating Superman and you wanted your own cash cow!
JERRY
ROBINSON
Dude, I don’t make shit here!
BILL FINGER
I meant Jerry Siegel,
you idiot! Bob, the first comic sold like crazy and I didn’t get any money from
it. Where’s my cut, Bob?
BOB KANE
Why should you get money? I created
Batman! I drew the costume…
BILL FINGER
Yeah, a red costume and then I said
make it black and less gay. So since you just came up with the name Batman, you
think you deserve all the credit? Is that your way of thinking, Bob?
BOB KANE
Look Bill, I created Batman. Stop
stealing my thunder. Let it go!
BILL FINGER
Okay, you named the character Batman
and you drew him in a non-black costume. But who came up with the Batcave?
BOB KANE
You did.
BILL FINGER
Who came up with Batman’s secret identity billionaire playboy Bruce Wayne?
BOB KANE
You did.
BILL FINGER
And who came up with Batman having a sidekick named
Robin?
JERRY ROBINSON
I did, remember! You told me it was stupid and it
might make Batman seem like a pedophile. Then you stole it from
me, you asshole!
BILL
FINGER
Whatever Jerry. Look Bob, basically, I made Batman, the essence
of Batman, and I’m willing to share credit with you even though you did next to
nothing to earn it. Because you’re my best friend and you got me a job here at
DC Comics!
JERRY
ROBINSON
Yeah, as a janitor!
BILL
FINGER
Seriously Jerry, okay! So, what do you say, Bob, split the
profits 50/50 and have both of our names appear in the credits of each issue of
Batman?
BOB
KANE
Fine Bill, god, I’ll give you credit for creating Batman. Even
though we both just ripped off The Scarlet Pimpernel anyway!
BILL FINGER
Cool! Now, I’ve written another script for next week’s issue of
Batman! I created a new villain for Batman called The Joker! Can’t wait to see
how it turns out and I can’t wait to see my name as the co-creator of Batman
and The Joker. Well, I have to go clean the bathroom now! But I’m glad we
resolved this little issue of who truly created Batman!
(Bill Finger slowly exits the
scene while sweeping and Bob Kane begins drawing on his drawing board)
JERRY
ROBINSON
Hey, could I get credit for creating The Joker?
BOB
KANE
Sure Jerry, I’ll give you co-creator credit on The Joker.
Basically I’m giving my ideas away anyway!
JERRY
ROBINSON
Hooray for doing nothing! Oh Bob, I have a new idea for a
superhero. He has a magic ring and I’m calling him Green Lantern! You want to draw the first issue with me?
BOB KANE
Sounds like a stupid character, Jerry.
Plus there’s already Green Arrow, so another green colored superhero sounds
super lame and…
JERRY ROBINSON
You’re right, Bob. Boy do I feel
silly! I’ll just throw this script away…
(Jerry
Robinson walks over to the trashcan and throws his script for Green Lantern away)
(Jerry
Robinson sits back down at his drawing board and he begins to draw)
(While
Jerry Robinson and Bob Kane aren’t looking Bill Finger reenters the room to
collect the trash)
BILL FINGER
(TO HIMSELF)
Time to get rid of the garbage…hello
what’s this…
(Bill
Finger picks up the Green Lantern script and makes sure no one is looking. He pulls
out a Sharpie and crosses out Jerry Robinson’s name)
BILL FINGER
(TO HIMSELF)
Green Lantern, created by Bill Finger!
Let me just take this script over to Martin Nodell and then I’ll have another
cash cow! God I’m a creative genius!
(Bill
Finger fleas the scene like a madman holding the Green Lantern script tightly
in his hands)
(Stan
Lee shows up from out of nowhere and enters the scene)
STAN LEE
(ADDRESSING THE CROWD)
You see, true believers! This shit
will never fly over at Marvel! We’re an honest company…
JERRY ROBINSON
(OFFSTAGE)
Tell that to Jack Kirby!
STAN LEE
(ADDRESSING THE CROWD)
Just ignore that! I created so many wonderful
characters on my own…
BOB KANE
(OFFSTAGE)
Tell that to Steve Ditko,
dickweed!
STAN LEE
(ADDRESSING THE CROWD)
You
know what, fine. I didn’t come up with anything. I just gave myself credit
because I could, okay? I was just the editor of Marvel Comics and nothing more!
I’m Stan Lee and either way you’ll always know who I am! See me in the movies! Excelsior!
(Stan Lee shoots a web like
Spider Man and swings away)
(Blackout.)
No comments:
Post a Comment